Monday, June 7, 2010

Previously on 24...

‘’Have I not tried…what is it? I know I couldn’t be there physically but I tried as much as possible to make sure you are happy for the birthday. Its obvious you just like quarrelling or you dont like being happy’’

A week prior to June 4th my boyfriend had told me he wouldn’t be in town for my birthday because he was travelling for his secondary school friend’s wedding. A guy he hasn’t seen in like 10yrs… a friend I was just hearing about. He then asked that I come with him…as how na? I had friends and family who were going to visit me and show me love on Saturday…abandoning them for a trip I wasn’t sure of didn’t seem fair and I told him so. He actually tried to show his remorse that he was gonna miss out of being with me that day and sent me a cake on Friday the 4th and sent his gift also.

I went to the Redemption camp that Friday to celebrate the birthday with the Lord. And Saturday I was home…preparing for my visitors. Have you noticed what a sport I am being about not having my boyfriend around? Because I have put myself in his shoes and I know (not) he has to be where he has to be… and while I’m wondering if I should drown the rice in pepper, Delta State style but still considering that there were a lot of Ajebutters in Lagos who may not like pepper…I decided to call my boyfriend wondering why he hasn’t called to say he had arrived Uyo or maybe changed his mind and was coming over (if wishes were horses)

‘’Sorry, the MTN number you have dialed is unreachable at the moment’’ this was 10am

So I did my thing…sent an sms:

Sweets wats up where you at? Lagos? Uyo? Either ways enjoy your weekend and keep me posted. My regard to the newly weds…have fun

You see how lovely I am?

‘’Sorry the MTN number you have called his unreachable…please try again later’’ This was 1:45pm

I checked my delivery report which showed that the message I sent was still pending. Damn!!! This is the part where I start to worry….

Hope he is fine?

Should I call his family to ask if they’ve heard from him? Hmmm…no! no need to start panic

Plane crash? God forbid

Or did he just forget me…on a day as today?
Now I was uncertain.

‘’the mtn
number you are trying to call is still unreachable, this girl abeg rest shooooo’’ this was 2:30pm

Even my guests tire for me…I was plain worried… I tried to keep up a good front and went thru the motions of smiling and appearing to feel alright. The light on my phone caught my attention and I went directly to the reports and viola!!!

‘’Message delivered’’

Inhale….exhale. this was 3.30pm

Hopefully I’ll get a call immediately…

Okay not immediately but at least soon? 3:40pm

Okay not soon…but at least? 3:45pm

A text? 3: 55pm

At wits end I decide to call…..ringringringringringringring

‘’No answer’’

‘’Jay where I am is very noisy now, and picking your call will be a complete waste, I will call you as soon as I find a quiet corner’’ an sms from my dearest at last. It was 4: 10pm

By my calculation it sud take like 2mins…okay 5mins or what the hell 10 minute to find a quiet area right? Wrong.

It took an hour thirty six minute later to call me. Please note that I haven’t heard my bf’s voice for almost 27hrs by now. Seeing that the last time we spoke (forget sms) was in the morning of Friday.

So the call came and I excused myself from the already ruined get to gether (in my mind sha, because ladies and gents were having fun without me)…went to the room and I was like:

‘’how could you…what the hell is wrong with you…do u know what you have put me thru worrying about you? where are you bla bla bla’’

Then he goes on to tell me I don’t like understanding, that shey he sent me an sms to say where he was, was noisy etc and then his outburst:

‘’Have I not tried…what is it? I know I couldn’t be there physically but I tried as much as possible to make sure you are happy for the birthday. Its obvious you just like quarrelling or you dont like being happy’’

‘’…wait wait wait….am I hearing this, are you saying this with a straight face? Is there an un-hear button I can click?’’ I asked

Because seriously I didn’t believe I was hearing this. Dude keeps dudette worried about his whereabout only for dudette to discover he is fine (thank God) but he didn’t think it necessary that he checks in on a day his arse was supposed to be physically present and he turns around to say dudette doesn’t like to be happy, because he has done everthing possible (gifts and blabla) to make up for his absence.

Obviously he had a vision that I was from PH( poor home) or that i was starved of gifts from my former life or that it was written that material gifts make up for lack of thoughtfulness...well that vision must be from the devil and i wasnt going to let him get away with it. He had hurt me with both his actions and words and I told him as such and unintentionally added;

''You are thoughtless and cruel and it hurts me because one day we may break up and you will learn from this and start doing all the right things for the girl who wouldnt love you half as much as I do...she would then take your love for granted and you will remember my selfless love and you will pause and regret all these''



More Silence



‘’Jay are you there…’’

‘’ I’m here…’’

‘’I’m sorry…I really am jeez, please don’t say things like that’’

‘’like what?’’

‘’that we’ll separate, is that what you envisage? Please baby I’m sorry, I didn’t see it the way you just said and I’m sorry ’’

That was three sorrys in two breath…I don’t really understand this guy. As much as I love him I just don’t get that he doesn’t get it. Okay I do…I’m willing to believe he doesn’t know how to be in a proper relationship considering his history with relationships but watin? What is it…how unschooled can one person be in the act of commitment that you still don’t know till now that it’s the little things that matter. A different scenario would have been him calling before or after he leaves for the place and say

‘’babes I’m about leaving/ I’m here now…I’m missing you and make sure you have fun on your day’’

Finish….Simple as A B C….it would have saved a lot of the drama and heated conversation we just passed thru. Now you are sorry?

‘’ Jay are you there…I love you’’

This was 6PM

Okay i know you might be thinking that if i'm so unhappy then why dont you leave him...he must be a complete jerk. Hmmm wouldnt be far from right...but again I'm no longer that hasty. Now I make sure I do all I can, give all the chance I can give becos I realise that people are from different backgrounds and prior till now those he grew up with for the past 30 or so yrs loved him like Eight (8) months would not really change a 30 yr old i'm waiting and i'm trying to understand. But one day I may run out of patience...that is the day where sorry would not work, cos I would show no mercy and I wont forgive. I pray that day doesnt come, because I do love the man.

Fabulo-la was talking about long distance relationship here encouraging those involved in LDR....and I wondered about those who have near distance relationship but whose partner seem emotionally distant

And I wonder....Is the distance solely in miles and miles of empty spaces between the partners or doesn't long distance relationship also involve emotional distance?

Relationships are damn hard



  1. You be my pesin, but babes I have to say in this case you over reacted or in the mind of a man you were being "a woman". The thing we women have to realise is that men and women are completely different. The things we hold up high don't register in their minds as anything and they just do stuff to appease us. This is not to make excuses for him, but he apologised already for missing the birthday, while we are worrying about not hearing and take literally that he will call you back in 2 seconds. In his mind, he sent you a cake , thinking you'd like it (because admit it, doing nothing would have been another wahala). "checking in" is not a word in guys vocabulary, doesn't mean he is not thinking about you. Women and men's emotional tank will never be the same and we as women usually require more. While you are fuming, he is probably still baffled as to what he did wrong. So abeg, chill for him, focus on the positives and don't sweat the little stuff, okay maybe not little but when it comes to emotional matter with men, they are just not ever going to get it and vice versa.

    Happy Belated Birthday.

  2. Taynement: chei but e hard in if only he could see that I was worried about his walfare...for his sake 1st.

    and no be only cake sef... he sent his gift too.

    Okay if its as you say, then this men are from mars and women from venus thing is more real than i thought.

    Thanks girl

  3. So umm, after running the scenario by some people, it seems everyone thinks your boyfriend is in the wrong, so you might not want to listen to me oh lol

  4. see why i say relationship is damn hard? worry I still de give am plenty chance

  5. So i had this long speech i was going to give you and then i thought how maybe i was preaching and my mum just called and she was talking about an aunt of mine, who has having the same issues with her ex and is now with a guy who calls her irritatingly. For my mum this calling thing is huge, its a big no-no in her books, and she wont tolerate it for me. so this my not be the deal breaker for you, but can i just say that you need to seriously sit down and weigh the pros and cons of your relationship and go from there. hopefully things work out for you

  6. Neefemi: Thank you...

    ''For my mum this calling thing is huge, its a big no-no in her books''

    Do you mean 'this calling thing' or you meant to say ''this non-calling thing''

    Becos I need to know if i'm the one wrong for wanting him to check in once in a while or at least leave his lines open to receive my calls.

  7. Hmmmmm.... dont know what to say oh....really. But I dont think he ius a jerk. Most men are like that.

  8. I think you over reacted sha but I agree that relationships are hard work. Men and women often get the lines crossed. Spare him next time you hear?

  9. The non-calling thing my bad. as in for her there is no excuse for you to not check in, at least once

  10. Mamuje: Meaning most men are just daft...or not as bright as

    Myne: I will...I'm still giving him plenty chance na...thank you

    Neefemi: Yeah..I thought so too. Thanks

  11. Taynement is right. Guys can be so clueless at times. They do one little thing and they think it is huge and you're there thinking he doesn't really care and in his mind he has done something profound.

  12. yeah
    I get you
    gifts never make up for presence...
    like you said,
    relationships are hard;
    one day i'll grow up

  13. Lady X: Daft species I'm beginning to see that they are

    Tisha: Me day i'll grow up

  14. truly relationships r hard. i agree with that. sometimes my loneliness kills me, but worse with a commitment. mscheww.

  15. Fragilelooks: You know you could be single and not be lonely...all you will be is 'alone'

    That is why its annoying when you are dating, thus no longer 'alone' but you start feeling 'lonely'.

    So whats d point?

  16. You sure have (or have had) interesting relationship life.

    Yes, relationships are really damn hard.


Say it as you mean it... I can take it