Friday, August 1, 2014

Seeking My Love For Life

So just when i prayed to God to give me a heart to love and receive love, I had my prayers answered and a month later I find my self loving and being loved by two (2) guys. 

Not two bastards, or one good guy and one bastard, nah....two responsible good men that love me without question. 

This past month I've been at a place where I feel like either God is playing a practical joke on me or the devil just wants to set me up. 

There is EP who i met first and on LinkedIn. ..He is Nigerian,  worked six years in the banking industry and decided to go further his studies abroad...We've never met in person but we bridge the gap by skyping,  chatting, phone calls etc regardless of the 9 hours time difference. He is good looking, intelligent, principled, doesn't drink or smoke or womanize, so focused on his career and all he wants to achieve. He is the kind of person that commits and doesn't look back except by a divine intervention. He does have a sense of humor too. 70% of our conversation centres around work, school, work, future ambition and work. I think that's okay...right? He is the kind of guy I've always looked for, someone whose own ambitions go side by side mine and who drives me to be better. As in I leave every conversation with him with a determination to be better. And I do better. He is good at reading my every mood, encouraging me, he is a great guy like that. He has made plans to come visiting in November, and when he rounds up in May he will relocate back to Nigeria full time. EP is 31 years old 

Exactly one month later I met Cee...okay that's not entirely true. I've known him for two years, but in passing, we take the same courses together...but I only began talking to him July 5th a party we both attended.  What can I tell you about CEE... He is good looking, intelligent, focused, tender hearted... oh so tender hearted and its scary how we think alike and almost always talk alike and have same likes and dislikes. I don't get tired of talking to him... I can see him 26 hours of every 24hour day and I still want to see more of him. I get jealous sometimes over him...but it is a pure devoid of lust, or anything of such. For once in a very long time I actually worry about another person's welfare daily...the way he cares about me and wants to do everything to make me happy is something you can see he is not faking, how he wants to know my opinion about certain things etc. I talk with CEE and I can tell him anything, Something happens or does not happen I want to call CEE and tell him, just exactly as he does with me. And we help each other with work, he is also a Human Resource Executive. Cee is a man with a purpose and a future and he acts like I am the best thing that has happened to him for a long time. There is an innocence to the way he lives life. CEE is 30 years old


1. EP strikes me as the kind of person who hardly tolerate short comings in any form... and its kinda scary to know I always have to be on my 'A' game or else I would wear off his heart or woreva. Like if the thing might slow him down or he feels it might complicate his best laid plans, he would rather just stay away from such things... I don't know mehnnn maybe its my imagination

2. CEE just got out of an Eight year relationship, yeah he is that kind of one woman together forever guy. First she broke up with him early last year and they made up in December 2013, only for her to say she's really not ready for marriage and then broke  up with him in May 2014.  He swears his affections for me isn't a rebound, I want to believe this... but....


Both men make me happy I cannot lie, both men are making future together ever after plans for me, both men connect with me intellectually and I an see its not about wanting to sleep with me. 

Of recent I talk more with CEE, maybe because he is in Lagos Nigeria with me and we are on the same time zone or maybe because we share too much in common. Nevertheless I can't use that to judge because really the playing field is not even, considering the fact that EP doesn't have the same amount of time CEE has (its a nine hours time difference). 

By the way I am not playing any of them, I told CEE that there is EP who I met before him and who is crazy about me, and I told EP about being distracted of recent. Both of them are still friends to me... I haven't committed to anyone biko don't judge me. 

One reason I am not committing to any of these guys is because I really am not ready to make a mistake. I'm not some starry eyed teenager looking for 'The love of my life' only... nah what I want is 'A love for life'. 

People of blogsville... how do you decide that he or she is the one for you, how do you know the one you let go isn't the one you should have chosen? I used to think I had experience in such matters, but this time, I am completely lost and I don't want to make this kind of decision based only on my emotions. 

Help!! Because I just might run away from the both of them. 

*sad face*

Nutty Jay.