Efe & Tochi- To love again

Efe was raised in Nigeria, schooled in UNIBEN, worked with SAIPEM Lagos, handsome, God fearing, hard working, focused young man. After his second year with SAIPEM he met Tochi, a student of Convenant university, pursued her, and soon after started dating her. She was in 300 Level.

Efe was in love, and when he is in love he is in love. He is not the type to womanize, he doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke. He did all the things a boyfriend would do financially, morally, sexually, etc for his girl. They dated till she graduated, served, and after her service she went to Canada to pursue a Masters degree. Efe supported this move, because he is an over achiever himself and he encourages anything that makes those associated with him progress. So she went and  from Nigeria he did everything possible to support her, kept the conversation going, sends money in hard currency to cater for some things she wanted...monthly basis. Never stopped calling, got a visa and was to travel to visit her on his next leave.

Long story short, over a silly quarrel on phone she called off the relationship, did not agree to all his plea, plus the plea by his family member. She left him. She damaged him emotionally for his next girlfriend and the next. He was never the same again emotionally.

A year six months  later he quit his job, got admission into a university in Singapore to study for his masters

Six months into his study (thats like two years after the break up) she's been calling and begging to come back, she's sorry...truely sorry and wants a chance. Her family has been calling to beg too, he said it's not possible because he feels nothing any longer for her. She asked to come see him...after much persuasion he agreed and she has travelled down to his country and has been there for a week now. She stays in a hotel, he visits her, takes her out, hasn't shagged or kissed her so that he doesn't give her false hope.


The following conversation took place today:

Me: So how are you guys now, emotionally

Him: We are good I guess. She wants to come back visiting in February (this visit is from Canada to Singapore)

Me: You...how are you in it

Him: Just normal, but we talk better now

Me: You think there is hope for you both?

Him: Honestly can't say for now, we are good friends with mutual respect...but I think she is truely sorry, however I am a tough nut. Maybe in the future her genuiness will be proven, but at the moment, nothing

Me: It doesn't work like that dear
Me: You are making it sound like a business deal... I'll give you two options how it goes in real life, you can pick one

Scenerio 1: 'I like her, and if she is really sorry about what went down in the past, then I would give this a try, because I'm sure I will love her again. So lets see how it goes'

Scenario 2: I like her, and she's really sorry about what went down in the past, but nah... I don't want to be with her anymore. it doesn't matter...all I can give her now or ever is just friendship 

Me: Do you get? it is not a function of how sorry or not she is, or if she is genuine or not. It is a function of you and what you want and are willing to risk for it. If not you will always be close to the exit door, always watching and waiting to see if she will slip again. And that's not right

Him: I like her no doubt, but we will be better as friends

Me: Then don't keep hope alive, If you encourage her to come back in February, you are keeping hope alive

Him: Her decision, not mine

Me: Efe, please be reasonable, this is your decision. Stand in her shoes, not everyone is as emotionally stable as you, or practical

Him: Well I tried discouraging her from coming back, she said she likes singapore and spending two weeks in february isn't a bad idea. Its her call

Me: You should have experience by now that girls talk alot of things but mean something else entirely

Him: At this point I can't influence her decision, I honestly I have spoken to her about it. 

Me: Think about it, if you are not in Singapore in February, will she come? It's not about Singapore, its you she is coming to see you

Him: Well I know, she is trying to work her way back, if she comes and remains disappointed I'm sure she will give up

Me: Is there a way back? If there is a way back no problem, let her try. But if there is no way back, save her the agony. Stop it Efe, what is wrong with you.

Him: Make we leave Tochi matter, its not an issue to deliberate on

Me: Not my issue to deliberate on...because really you might be saying one thing and feel something else that you are not acknowledging. So while I'm here worrying about her, she may have sensed a promise for the future and won't be disappointed after all. Your life, her life..totally not my business.


Question

1. What the heck is he doing? Is he really going to let her keep travelling up and down to try and salvage the situation, making her hope something will come of her endeavours especially since he knows theres no way they will ever have happily ever after? Isn't that wickedness somehow?

2. Is he just putting up a front and saying one thing whereas he feels another thing? And maybe he secretly  hopes they work out.


I used to think I understood how guys think and do their stuff....but this is totally out of my league. Maybe because Efe has never been like the regular guys out there, he isn't all about sex and the next available girl. He is very straight forward and go gets whatever he wants...so I can't understand what he is doing. I hate to think he is being wicked on purpose...deliberately leading her on.

So maybe it's a guy thing and someone can make me understand better... I can't rest joor... he's my favourite person and I don't want to think he is being callous

What do you guys think...

Scandal- What the hell?

I don't understand what Shonda RHIMES hopes to achieve by the twists and turns in Scandal and what exactly is her opinion of us the viewers.

Today I watched Episode 5 Season 4... yeah I know, stealing company's time, watching a movie while acting like I'm working.  It happens sometimes

But I'm so upset. Who the hell does Commander think he is to mess people's life like he does? Infact I'm tired of these sick characters in the movie:

Olivia POPE: Stupid black girl in love with a man she will never have, the cause of every single thing that has gone wrong in the life of every single person in that movie. Deceived time and time again by her father, and yet will not learn that he is a monster. Endangering the life of those she cares about because she can't see past her stupid love for Fitz. Serious Daddy issues she has...

President FITZ:  The biggest fool of all

Jake BALLARD: In love with a woman that cannot seem to stop loving a man she can never be with. Endangering his life trying to 'save' her from herself... Aproko that won't just leave things alone. Happy to be second in Olivia's heart. He gets an opportunity to tell the president everything during the interrogation but instead of just talking and spilling everything whether the president wan hear or not, he dey taunt the man about him having sex with Olivia on the Island. The fool deserves to die for even daring to threaten Commander.

Commander:  Ha... Commander who also happens to be Olivia's father is the only one who seems to know what he is doing!!! Wicked as ever, winning the election for the president because it's what Olivia wants, but killing the President's son to achieve it... then blaming Jake for it. After he had blamed Olivia's mother for it. Old evil calculating son o a... arghhhh

Millie:  Madam First Lady, nothing more. Jealous of Olivia...still


Shonda RHIMES, come on... I'm beginning to feel foolish watching Scandal, it's becoming more annonying than intriguing. It started out being intriguing...now it's getting too obvious and annoying. Your characters have too much sense to be doing the things you are making them do in Season 4. BALLARD isn't a fool, you are making him seem like one. Olivia isn't a fool, she fixes problems and so she knows always when things don't add up...but apparently she's believing her father's lies. You are distorting the Olivia we all know and love and turning her into a senseless woman too blinded by love to fix things.

Stop insulting our intelligence... or kuku round up the movie if you don tire to think. And why the hell is Cyrus sleeping with a prostitute, and Abby the Abby who was Olivia's right hand, who knew how to get things done when she was a gladiator, why have you made Abby seem like a fish swimming in the sea of the White House, starry eyed, grateful  if the president passes her a compliment and running around like a chicken wanting to be like Olivia. Abby??? Oh come on *groans in pain* 

Hain!!!

Mscheew

The pursuit of money!!!!

Ah ha! Money. Let's talk about money. So I was sitting still the other day, on monday I think, viewing my account statement for September and it struck me like lightening that the only inflow I had for the entire month was the salary inflow. The same happened in August.... no daddy deposit, no mummy deposit, no sugar/honey deposit, no friend or family deposit, no enemy deposits sef...and I literarily felt like crying. I used to have people just credit my account for no reason sometimes...they tell me to just take for fine-girl-up-keep. Now for two months no 'dash'. I couldn't risk checking July statement for fear that it's the same. 

I began to think of other avenues to make money. This waking up 4pm because of work thingy isn't something I want to still be doing when I'm in my 40s nah...and I got thinking, and was thinking hard (yea I try to make sure I squeeze at least 30mins everyday to shut every noise and just think, one hour at most) and it hit me that I am not very business inclined. I am more of a structured environment/office kinda work girl. This is a worrisome thing to know because shouldn't we all aspire to have businesses on the side? The irritating question I get asked often when I wonder aloud about this is: 'JAY What do you like doing'?

Seriously? What sort of question is that... okay I like:

1. Eating

2. I like writing

3. I like the guy of the moment

4. I like fixing people's work issues

5. I like teaching/mentoring  (What I know though about work related stuff)

6. I like cake

7. I like driving

8. I like fast cars

9. I like gazing at fine men

10. I like gazing at fine ladies

11. I like organizing other people's life

12. I like helping people find solution to their issues

Mind you that list is in no particular order

But the question is how the heck am I supposed to start a business with any of these likes???  And then I get confused, and I stop thinking, and then I allow my mind wander away from my confused thoughts and turn them towards the 8am- 6pm job...that I get to the office at 6:15am for and get home by 9pm sometimes 10pm if the road is experiencing major traffic , and I thank God that I have a better job than the last job where they enjoy owing staff salary, and refuse to pay vendors too (May God forgive my ex employers) 

But I don't know mehnnnnn.... I really need another source of income. I'm at that age where I need multiple streams of income. 

Happy Belated Independence Day

Nutty Jay

Seeking My Love For Life

So just when i prayed to God to give me a heart to love and receive love, I had my prayers answered and a month later I find my self loving and being loved by two (2) guys. 

Not two bastards, or one good guy and one bastard, nah....two responsible good men that love me without question. 

This past month I've been at a place where I feel like either God is playing a practical joke on me or the devil just wants to set me up. 

There is EP who i met first and on LinkedIn. ..He is Nigerian,  worked six years in the banking industry and decided to go further his studies abroad...We've never met in person but we bridge the gap by skyping,  chatting, phone calls etc regardless of the 9 hours time difference. He is good looking, intelligent, principled, doesn't drink or smoke or womanize, so focused on his career and all he wants to achieve. He is the kind of person that commits and doesn't look back except by a divine intervention. He does have a sense of humor too. 70% of our conversation centres around work, school, work, future ambition and work. I think that's okay...right? He is the kind of guy I've always looked for, someone whose own ambitions go side by side mine and who drives me to be better. As in I leave every conversation with him with a determination to be better. And I do better. He is good at reading my every mood, encouraging me, he is a great guy like that. He has made plans to come visiting in November, and when he rounds up in May he will relocate back to Nigeria full time. EP is 31 years old 

Exactly one month later I met Cee...okay that's not entirely true. I've known him for two years, but in passing, we take the same courses together...but I only began talking to him July 5th 2014...at a party we both attended.  What can I tell you about CEE... He is good looking, intelligent, focused, tender hearted... oh so tender hearted and its scary how we think alike and almost always talk alike and have same likes and dislikes. I don't get tired of talking to him... I can see him 26 hours of every 24hour day and I still want to see more of him. I get jealous sometimes over him...but it is a pure friendship...one devoid of lust, or anything of such. For once in a very long time I actually worry about another person's welfare daily...the way he cares about me and wants to do everything to make me happy is something you can see he is not faking, how he wants to know my opinion about certain things etc. I talk with CEE and I can tell him anything, Something happens or does not happen I want to call CEE and tell him, just exactly as he does with me. And we help each other with work, he is also a Human Resource Executive. Cee is a man with a purpose and a future and he acts like I am the best thing that has happened to him for a long time. There is an innocence to the way he lives life. CEE is 30 years old

MISGIVINGS

1. EP strikes me as the kind of person who hardly tolerate short comings in any form... and its kinda scary to know I always have to be on my 'A' game or else I would wear off his heart or woreva. Like if the thing might slow him down or he feels it might complicate his best laid plans, he would rather just stay away from such things... I don't know mehnnn maybe its my imagination

2. CEE just got out of an Eight year relationship, yeah he is that kind of one woman together forever guy. First she broke up with him early last year and they made up in December 2013, only for her to say she's really not ready for marriage and then broke  up with him in May 2014.  He swears his affections for me isn't a rebound, I want to believe this... but....

Conclusion

Both men make me happy I cannot lie, both men are making future together ever after plans for me, both men connect with me intellectually and I an see its not about wanting to sleep with me. 

Of recent I talk more with CEE, maybe because he is in Lagos Nigeria with me and we are on the same time zone or maybe because we share too much in common. Nevertheless I can't use that to judge because really the playing field is not even, considering the fact that EP doesn't have the same amount of time CEE has (its a nine hours time difference). 

By the way I am not playing any of them, I told CEE that there is EP who I met before him and who is crazy about me, and I told EP about being distracted of recent. Both of them are still friends to me... I haven't committed to anyone biko don't judge me. 

One reason I am not committing to any of these guys is because I really am not ready to make a mistake. I'm not some starry eyed teenager looking for 'The love of my life' only... nah what I want is 'A love for life'. 

People of blogsville... how do you decide that he or she is the one for you, how do you know the one you let go isn't the one you should have chosen? I used to think I had experience in such matters, but this time, I am completely lost and I don't want to make this kind of decision based only on my emotions. 

Help!! Because I just might run away from the both of them. 

*sad face*

Nutty Jay. 

SUPERMAN IS THE SUPER HERO- NOT SUPER WOMAN

Today I am sleepy, I have been sleepy since I woke up, I am not working at normal capacity today because my body, mind and spirit has done nothing else except think of sleep of day. I'm practically fighting to stay awake.  On days like this I thank God I am a super woman with super powers.

Now why is my body screaming for sleep? Its because I tend to forget that even superwoman is first and foremost a woman, she's human and she  is made up of flesh and blood. So I joyfully wake up 4am, leave the house 5:30am drive to work in an hours traffic, leave the office 8pm drive back in 2 hours traffic; get home 10pm, chat chat chat and chat on BBM with different people and skype when I can with Australia, then sleep like 11:30pm or 12midnight...to wake again by 4am

Is this wise? NO

Is this profitable? Dunno

Do I do this everyday? Mostly

Do I think I can do it all? YES

Who do I think I am? Superwoman

You know that thing that makes you feel you can do everything and anything and you have the strength to also take on other people's worries for them, add it to yours and help them worry and fix their issues, and still go about doing all your own stuff? I don't know the name for it, but I know that's the thing that makes you a mother of all but a friend of none. The burden bearer, the sabi sabi that people only remember when they have issues and after you have sorted it out for them they go about their merry lives and forget you while you get sucked in to the next problem to fix...thus you are always busy, never have the time to just chill with normal people, people without issues avoid you because guess what? you can't even talk normal and this is due to the fact that you always have a superior or better opinion about everything even in a playful conversation. You try to fix everyone and anyone you meet... We know people like this right? Irritating and very annoying people!!! For heaven's sake your opinion is not always needed....arggggghhhhhh shut up 

NUTTY JAY will you allow yourself become like this? Heck NO 

You sure? I'm sure. 

There really is nothing wrong in being a damsel in distress once in a while you know?  You are so right

Why didn't I think of that 

Merci Beaucoup