I break that chain....

...oh that chain that has held me bound from writing for almost 4 months!!! I degree and I declare that that chain is broken for ever and my hands and mind are free to put down thoughts in writing. In Jesus name!!!

If you agree with me...say AMEN!!!


Nutty Jay

An Effective Female Leader

On one hand you are female and biology has blessed you with unnecessary emotions, extreme passions, a kind heart and a tendency to be more subjective than objective (most times)

On the other hand you are a leader, and social science demands you to be objective, steadfast, not one who gets easily excited and a person who can make right decisions regardless of whose ox is gored (yours included). A person in charge of others and situation

How do you blend being a woman and a leader in a corporate organization? You don’t. You are either a woman or a leader. You can’t be both at the same time. That’s if you want to keep your sanity.

You cannot be a friend and an effective leader at the same time, you cannot be a mother to those you are in charge of and be in charge at the same time. You cannot aim to please everybody but still lead rightly at the same time. You cannot be reactive like a woman tends to be, instead you have to be proactive. You have to be flexible even when your will wants you to remain rigid on that subject. You need to be consistent even when your hormones are running here and there... you need to act like a man even as you think like a woman.

Being a successful female leader entails leaving the woman part of you at home, get the job done and go back home to her. You just can’t be effective being both a woman and a Leader at the same time.  I don't think nature meant it so...

Its lonely at the top

Nutty Jay. 

Over Parenting

Hello everyone... I have decided to remain anonymous on this blog. Thank you for your input on the last blog post.

It just occurred to me that the root cause of some of the problems Nigeria is facing can be attributed to OVER PARENTING.

This just occurred to me today after I had had an intense conversation with some people earlier in the day, then I got some calls over the same issue and I just wanted to scream!!! leave me the eff alone!!! what the f*ck is wrong with every body! every one has an opinion to give but for Christ sake just save yours sometimes!!!  You make one decision and you have to subconsciously weigh it over:

'hmmm...how will I present this now na, hope his mum wont think....'

'how will my mumsi take it'

'How will uncle X see it...will he think I am fooling myself'

'How will my people interpret this'

...because if you don't weigh it like this before you act (right or wrong) you most likely will get a reaction from your parents and/or guardians or those who are 'wiser' that will make you feel you are doing a stupid thing. A very stupid thing.  Then you begin to second guess things, then take actions that will get you their approval, and another time you just don't bother to think for yourself. After all what are the chances that you will make the right decision. 

So its always easier to just run away from stuff, or hide things or just wait to get approval from the 'wise' ones before you act. Therefore why are we complaining that those who were in power in Nigeria 30 years ago are still contesting for governorship or for presidency? Is it not because the next generation don't know how to go about making decisions without some old clout breathing down their neck with one opinion after the other and then another? So why not just leave it for them to continue running things since apparently they are ''all knowing'.

Overparenting= Bad Parenting

In a Johns Hopkins study, hyper parenting was more closely related to increased anxiety in children than the mental health of the parent or parental rejection.

A mom who tries to control too much robs her child of valuable learning opportunities, including learning how to make decisions. Without these opportunities, children feel less confident and more anxious. Elevated anxiety has also been linked to depression and behavioral issues. (http://www.modernmom.com)

My point is this: Its just so bloody annoying that every single thing one does, even at this old age, still has to be turned into a mountain...a topic to be discussed and questioned about and to be deliberated on. NOT DOING ANYTHING seems easier as the day goes by. 

Allow your kids make their own mistakes, at least the ones that are not life altering or life threatening.... that's the only way they would learn. 

Nutty Jay

To do or not to do

Honestly when I started blogging, I needed the release of being able to write anonymously from my heart, every single thing I wanted to say or everything I do, I wanted to be free to write without fear of censure from those who know me in real life. Or that was what I thought was my reason for blogging from an anonymous platform.

However…this morning, it just occurred to me that I’m probably just hiding. Hiding from the wrong things I've done in the past, and thus hiding from the wrong things I think I’ll do in the future then blog about. Hiding my health status, hiding my private thoughts that i feel like sharing but still keep private…just hiding. And what hiding does to you is that you are in a safe and cozy prison, you are not free to know who loves you just as you are because they don’t really know you, and some of those who do know you are saddled with the burden of keeping things hush hush for you that they have no idea if they are okay with these things or not, thus you always have to be explaining things and re-assuring them whilst still grateful that they are there anyway even with their faulted opinion about you. 

And then you find out you are more focused on the past, either explaining it, or apologizing for it, or regretting it… and the devil begins to play chess in your head saying ‘what’s the guaranty that you won’t do it again, why do you think you deserve better etc’…and you begin to believe these and then you mess up some more because you believe its the story of your life, you cannot rise above what was…or what used to be.

So now I’m thinking of going public with the blog. Make every body know abeg. And so I need to hear from you, just how bad an idea is that? How bad can it be? What’s the worst that could happen? Because the alternative in my head right now is to just shut this one down and start afresh, because blogging anonymously is just now working for me anymore.

Happy Sexypendence Day

 As much as we want to be regarded as sweet and innocent on the reasons we want to get married soon, or someday, one potent reason people dive into marriage (but fail to give as a reason)  is because of sex! It may not be the only reason but it definitely is one of the strong reasons , everyone wants to have ‘legal’ sex on the regular and burning with passion isn't as comfortable and tolerable as it used to be when we were teenagers…honestly its one reason I wish I were married right now. But one key information we the unmarried ones ignore is that marriage comes with a lot of its own issues...so the least we can do is make sure that our sex life remains as hot as it started out as, and even better as the years roll by.

So this post is dedicated to my about+to+wed+readers... just pretend I know what i"m saying:

-          Sex Positions: A survey by Marie Claire and Esquire magazine found out that men prefer rear entry (doggy Style) while women prefer the missionary position. However there are other sex positions, you really need to think outside the box. It is okay to eat rice and stew but once in a while there is nothing wrong with jollof rice, fried rice, coconut rice and/or banga rice…its all rice, but u enjoy it better when it’s done in a variety of ways. Same with sex, having sex the same way over and over again can be boring. Guys you need to be creative and sometimes nudge her in a different direction, most Nigerian women are shy to ‘express’ themselves in bed so you have to lead her sometimes, you need to give her a reason to keep coming back for more, Nigerian men are a bit selfish and most times don't take into consideration that the women fake orgasms just to allow him feel like a man, but thankfully  those kind of men are not here reading this blog post today, so guys if you need further information on the various sex position out there, click here.   

-          Penis Length: It is not about the size of the boat, it’s all about the motion in the ocean. It has been discovered that most men with massive equipment do not know how to pleasure a woman…they probably never took the time to learn because they have been brainwashed to think it’s the length and width that brings about orgasms. That’s not true… you need to know how to work your penis to get the desired effect…do not be intimidated if you are not 7-20 inches long when erect, as a matter of fact such sizes cause more pain than pleasure. Concentrate on your moves, know where her G-spot is and find a way to hit it every time  and you are on point

 VAGINA:  The female sex organ is elastic in nature...it expands and contracts. As the years go by, and as the children start coming out, it would rather be selfish of you as a man to join the other ignorant men out there who complain that their wife's vajayjay is 'slack'...you must remember that every wear and tear is because of you, besides it takes the vagina muscles 18months to get back to shape after the birth of a child, but a situation where we want to have all our kids every 12 months, it would be difficult bouncing back to normal after having three (3) children in say 4-5 years.

-          Circumcision: For circumcised women, unfortunately the nerve endings have been cut off as a result of circumcision, you will enjoy sex, but the chances of  getting an orgasm may be a lot harder. Technically some women can have clitoral, vaginal, blended, or multiple orgasms, some can even squirt when cumming, but if you were circumcised you want to work hard at being clitotorically stimulated along the nerve ending where u have been circumcised, this will take a lot of work though.  

-       Premature EJACULATION: …not lasting as long as you will like may not be a medical condition, sometimes you can get overly excited with your partner  especially when you are in a relationship that you are comfortable with, that only thinking about making love with her can make you cum quick. So If you don’t mind, you can wear a penis ring; it’s a tiny little rubber…it goes at the base of the penis  to slow the flow of blood from the erect penile tissue, thus maintaining an erection for a much longer period of time. You see? There is a solution for everything.

        In summary, getting turned on is more mental for women than it is physical. For men, love making is visual, they like it they want it. For women  it is a personal emotive thing…the average woman will not just strip and throw her nakedness in the air and make love to just any body no matter how randy or loose she is…she usually has to have a reason to make love, this is  unlike a man who gets an erection easily. Therefore you find out that if she is upset she won’t get turned on, you may have a fight with your wife three days ago, it was settled the next day, and while you have moved on she is still stuck there emotionally, there is a disconnection. Sometimes it would take days to work her into that place where she can do sex with you with all her heart. Men and women are different. So while u have done everything verbally right, you may not have passed the right non-verbal signals that can get her there mentally…don't see this as she trying to punish you, its just how she was created. So make sure you express how you feel at all times, both verbally and none verbally. 

      Communication is key to having great sex... don't dull, don't be so prim and proper to talk about what you wan't in bed, express yourself and you will be glad you did.

   Happy Independence Day Nigeria

Nutty Jay

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