An Effective Female Leader

On one hand you are female and biology has blessed you with unnecessary emotions, extreme passions, a kind heart and a tendency to be more subjective than objective (most times)

On the other hand you are a leader, and social science demands you to be objective, steadfast, not one who gets easily excited and a person who can make right decisions regardless of whose ox is gored (yours included). A person in charge of others and situation

How do you blend being a woman and a leader in a corporate organization? You don’t. You are either a woman or a leader. You can’t be both at the same time. That’s if you want to keep your sanity.

You cannot be a friend and an effective leader at the same time, you cannot be a mother to those you are in charge of and be in charge at the same time. You cannot aim to please everybody but still lead rightly at the same time. You cannot be reactive like a woman tends to be, instead you have to be proactive. You have to be flexible even when your will wants you to remain rigid on that subject. You need to be consistent even when your hormones are running here and there... you need to act like a man even as you think like a woman.

Being a successful female leader entails leaving the woman part of you at home, get the job done and go back home to her. You just can’t be effective being both a woman and a Leader at the same time.  I don't think nature meant it so...

Its lonely at the top

Nutty Jay. 

Over Parenting

Hello everyone... I have decided to remain anonymous on this blog. Thank you for your input on the last blog post.

It just occurred to me that the root cause of some of the problems Nigeria is facing can be attributed to OVER PARENTING.

This just occurred to me today after I had had an intense conversation with some people earlier in the day, then I got some calls over the same issue and I just wanted to scream!!! leave me the eff alone!!! what the f*ck is wrong with every body! every one has an opinion to give but for Christ sake just save yours sometimes!!!  You make one decision and you have to subconsciously weigh it over:

'hmmm...how will I present this now na, hope his mum wont think....'

'how will my mumsi take it'

'How will uncle X see it...will he think I am fooling myself'

'How will my people interpret this'

...because if you don't weigh it like this before you act (right or wrong) you most likely will get a reaction from your parents and/or guardians or those who are 'wiser' that will make you feel you are doing a stupid thing. A very stupid thing.  Then you begin to second guess things, then take actions that will get you their approval, and another time you just don't bother to think for yourself. After all what are the chances that you will make the right decision. 

So its always easier to just run away from stuff, or hide things or just wait to get approval from the 'wise' ones before you act. Therefore why are we complaining that those who were in power in Nigeria 30 years ago are still contesting for governorship or for presidency? Is it not because the next generation don't know how to go about making decisions without some old clout breathing down their neck with one opinion after the other and then another? So why not just leave it for them to continue running things since apparently they are ''all knowing'.

Overparenting= Bad Parenting

In a Johns Hopkins study, hyper parenting was more closely related to increased anxiety in children than the mental health of the parent or parental rejection.

A mom who tries to control too much robs her child of valuable learning opportunities, including learning how to make decisions. Without these opportunities, children feel less confident and more anxious. Elevated anxiety has also been linked to depression and behavioral issues. (http://www.modernmom.com)

My point is this: Its just so bloody annoying that every single thing one does, even at this old age, still has to be turned into a mountain...a topic to be discussed and questioned about and to be deliberated on. NOT DOING ANYTHING seems easier as the day goes by. 

Allow your kids make their own mistakes, at least the ones that are not life altering or life threatening.... that's the only way they would learn. 

Nutty Jay

To do or not to do

Honestly when I started blogging, I needed the release of being able to write anonymously from my heart, every single thing I wanted to say or everything I do, I wanted to be free to write without fear of censure from those who know me in real life. Or that was what I thought was my reason for blogging from an anonymous platform.

However…this morning, it just occurred to me that I’m probably just hiding. Hiding from the wrong things I've done in the past, and thus hiding from the wrong things I think I’ll do in the future then blog about. Hiding my health status, hiding my private thoughts that i feel like sharing but still keep private…just hiding. And what hiding does to you is that you are in a safe and cozy prison, you are not free to know who loves you just as you are because they don’t really know you, and some of those who do know you are saddled with the burden of keeping things hush hush for you that they have no idea if they are okay with these things or not, thus you always have to be explaining things and re-assuring them whilst still grateful that they are there anyway even with their faulted opinion about you. 

And then you find out you are more focused on the past, either explaining it, or apologizing for it, or regretting it… and the devil begins to play chess in your head saying ‘what’s the guaranty that you won’t do it again, why do you think you deserve better etc’…and you begin to believe these and then you mess up some more because you believe its the story of your life, you cannot rise above what was…or what used to be.

So now I’m thinking of going public with the blog. Make every body know abeg. And so I need to hear from you, just how bad an idea is that? How bad can it be? What’s the worst that could happen? Because the alternative in my head right now is to just shut this one down and start afresh, because blogging anonymously is just now working for me anymore.

Happy Sexypendence Day

 As much as we want to be regarded as sweet and innocent on the reasons we want to get married soon, or someday, one potent reason people dive into marriage (but fail to give as a reason)  is because of sex! It may not be the only reason but it definitely is one of the strong reasons , everyone wants to have ‘legal’ sex on the regular and burning with passion isn't as comfortable and tolerable as it used to be when we were teenagers…honestly its one reason I wish I were married right now. But one key information we the unmarried ones ignore is that marriage comes with a lot of its own issues...so the least we can do is make sure that our sex life remains as hot as it started out as, and even better as the years roll by.

So this post is dedicated to my about+to+wed+readers... just pretend I know what i"m saying:

-          Sex Positions: A survey by Marie Claire and Esquire magazine found out that men prefer rear entry (doggy Style) while women prefer the missionary position. However there are other sex positions, you really need to think outside the box. It is okay to eat rice and stew but once in a while there is nothing wrong with jollof rice, fried rice, coconut rice and/or banga rice…its all rice, but u enjoy it better when it’s done in a variety of ways. Same with sex, having sex the same way over and over again can be boring. Guys you need to be creative and sometimes nudge her in a different direction, most Nigerian women are shy to ‘express’ themselves in bed so you have to lead her sometimes, you need to give her a reason to keep coming back for more, Nigerian men are a bit selfish and most times don't take into consideration that the women fake orgasms just to allow him feel like a man, but thankfully  those kind of men are not here reading this blog post today, so guys if you need further information on the various sex position out there, click here.   

-          Penis Length: It is not about the size of the boat, it’s all about the motion in the ocean. It has been discovered that most men with massive equipment do not know how to pleasure a woman…they probably never took the time to learn because they have been brainwashed to think it’s the length and width that brings about orgasms. That’s not true… you need to know how to work your penis to get the desired effect…do not be intimidated if you are not 7-20 inches long when erect, as a matter of fact such sizes cause more pain than pleasure. Concentrate on your moves, know where her G-spot is and find a way to hit it every time  and you are on point

 VAGINA:  The female sex organ is elastic in nature...it expands and contracts. As the years go by, and as the children start coming out, it would rather be selfish of you as a man to join the other ignorant men out there who complain that their wife's vajayjay is 'slack'...you must remember that every wear and tear is because of you, besides it takes the vagina muscles 18months to get back to shape after the birth of a child, but a situation where we want to have all our kids every 12 months, it would be difficult bouncing back to normal after having three (3) children in say 4-5 years.

-          Circumcision: For circumcised women, unfortunately the nerve endings have been cut off as a result of circumcision, you will enjoy sex, but the chances of  getting an orgasm may be a lot harder. Technically some women can have clitoral, vaginal, blended, or multiple orgasms, some can even squirt when cumming, but if you were circumcised you want to work hard at being clitotorically stimulated along the nerve ending where u have been circumcised, this will take a lot of work though.  

-       Premature EJACULATION: …not lasting as long as you will like may not be a medical condition, sometimes you can get overly excited with your partner  especially when you are in a relationship that you are comfortable with, that only thinking about making love with her can make you cum quick. So If you don’t mind, you can wear a penis ring; it’s a tiny little rubber…it goes at the base of the penis  to slow the flow of blood from the erect penile tissue, thus maintaining an erection for a much longer period of time. You see? There is a solution for everything.

        In summary, getting turned on is more mental for women than it is physical. For men, love making is visual, they like it they want it. For women  it is a personal emotive thing…the average woman will not just strip and throw her nakedness in the air and make love to just any body no matter how randy or loose she is…she usually has to have a reason to make love, this is  unlike a man who gets an erection easily. Therefore you find out that if she is upset she won’t get turned on, you may have a fight with your wife three days ago, it was settled the next day, and while you have moved on she is still stuck there emotionally, there is a disconnection. Sometimes it would take days to work her into that place where she can do sex with you with all her heart. Men and women are different. So while u have done everything verbally right, you may not have passed the right non-verbal signals that can get her there mentally…don't see this as she trying to punish you, its just how she was created. So make sure you express how you feel at all times, both verbally and none verbally. 

      Communication is key to having great sex... don't dull, don't be so prim and proper to talk about what you wan't in bed, express yourself and you will be glad you did.

   Happy Independence Day Nigeria

Nutty Jay

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LAGOS DRIVING FOR NON-LAGOSIANS

 ‘If you can drive in lagos then you can drive anywhere’. if there is a saying that irked me the first time I heard it, it is that one. An unassuming sentence filled with a dose of condescension that irritated me.I don’t know if it’s the words put together to form that sentence that annoyed me or if it’s the self assured smirk of whoever it was that delivered the lines at the time of delivery that made me want to shout.  

It took me a while to see reasons with that statement… it took me much more longer to admit that I see reasons with that statement. And although I still resent people who say it, I am willing to tell you, especially if you have never driven or been driven in Lagos, how Lagos driving differs from driving in any other place, town, city, state or country. 

I Do- Nigerian law

It couldn't have been past 6am when I woke up on Saturday morning  to the incessant broadcast messages on blackberry advising and almost threatening me to support the #childnotbride cause that had over taken the nation like a bad case of hay fever... I had heard conversations about this earlier in the week and chucked it down to the joblessness of the members of the house of assembly looking for another sitting allowance, but Saturday's occupy BBM world was just the heights of it... it was a painful reminder that somewhere north of Nigeria, babies will be getting married off to men old enough to be their grand-dads if care is not taken.

The care to be taken it seems required me to change my display pictures on blackberry every 3 hours (which I was refusing to do) to show a child bride with wedding veil been grabbed and dragged to the alter by a potbellied man with a lecherous look on his face and all the other funny pics up for

Inadequate Father: THE SHADOW DAD

Previously on the series of Inadequate Fathers we talked about the BOUNDARY BUSTER DAD.  Kindly follow the link to read up

The last category of inadequate fathers is the SHADOW DAD. He is the father that is physically present but emotionally unavailable. That’s the kind most Nigerian Children had growing up. He is a shadow dad because of his own addictions…TV, work, friends, alcohol etc.

You wake up and see your dad, he drops you off at school and until you go back to bed at night he is nowhere to be found, so there is never an opportunity to connect with daddy.  The biggest conversation  most have with such dads are probably: ‘daddy they say we should buy text books’, ‘daddy my shoes are worn out and I need new ones’ Never is there an opportunity  for any intellectual or spiritual conversation with dad.

He is the father, for example,
who sits in front of the TV and the child would come in and the conversation would go thus:

Me and Attachments

I admit here today that I am the most cowardly and stupid person the world has ever seen when it comes to being attached to people and things and any fucking frigging thing you can think off.

This is not a rant, I am not ranting... I repeat this is NOT A RANT. I am here to tell you that the inability to walk off, or tear myself away from anything I hold dear, even when that thing I hold dear is no longer in my best interest, that inability to walk off, is a sickness. It is a disease...one that I'm suffering from, it is a curse, one that I need deliverance from, its a stronghold that needs to be broken and nailed to the cross.

If not how else can one describe holding on to a shut door and trying to make it open and sweating in the process and suffering when a similar door is widely open and beckoning for me to come in without effort???

How else can one explain holding on to friends that clearly don't want to be friends

How else can one explain moaning a pen that goes missing and refusing to write anything using another black pen for weeks on end

What else can I describe never ever ever ever wanting to discard anything? except i'm 100% sure it is going into the hands of a better owner. I don tire, I think its a curse...and I'm just a fool. Life was so much easier when I rarely cared about anyone or anything and could use and dump and reject people and things at the drop of the hat. Somewhere along the line I grew up and became cursed with a stupid foolish and useless conscience that wants to kill me. A conscience that wants to ruin me and bury me without a shirt on my back... what a fool!! I don't even need anyone to mess things up for me, I rain on my own fucking parades...what the hell?

This is not a rant... I swear I am not ranting.

Nutty J

The Inadequate Father- BOUNDARY BUSTER DAD

This is the father that busts the personal boundaries of his children through abuses. It could be physical abuse, emotional, verbal and even spiritual abuses. A few years back we heard so many stories coming from the Cross-river and Awka Ibom axis about children they were calling witches and wizards and throwing away...it got so bad that the government had to set up schools to take them in. Most of these children were taken to churches and were beaten and stoned and branded with hot irons and those doing it said they were beating the demons out of them...this is spiritual abuse, those children may reject God for life except for some divine intervention

A certain lady who is 49 years old has refused to get married and when investigations were made about this, it was discovered that her father busted her sexual boundaries by having sex with her from age 4 till she was 16. There is also psychological abuse whereby parents purposely withhold certain things in a bid to punish their children e.g. school fees, shelter etc. He busts the personal boundaries of his children.

The legacy such dads leave for their children are:

The Inadequate Father (CRITICAL DAD)

Last week we started a series on the Inadequate Father...culled from a teaching I heard on wounds fathers unconsciously inflict on their children. Last week was focused on the Missing In Action Father.... if you missed it, please click here

The Critical Dad

This is the father who does not accept himself and is projecting his poor self image on his children. He is the father who hasn't achieved in his own time and is taking out his frustration on his children. There was a certain man who tried to study medicine but couldn't, so he forced his seven (7) children to read medicine...most of them ended up spending 12 years in the university because they had no idea what they were doing. Another example are fathers whose kids come second (2) in class and they yell and scream: 'WHY DID YOU COME SECOND, THE PERSON WHO CAME FIRST DOES HE HAVE TWO HEADS? HOW DARE YOU WASTE MY MONEY LIKE THIS'.... instead of simply saying 'well-done, you did well...next time try and come first'

The legacy Critical fathers leave for these children (who grow to be adults) include:

1. Poor Self Image: Children from a critical dad who grow up to be adults, project poor self image, they have a distorted image of themselves and their abilities

The Inadequate Father- M.I.A

Yesterday was father's day and many of us celebrated our fathers on Facebook and blackberry...but not many of us, are willing to face the truth about how some abnormalities we notice in our behaviors are a direct result of our father's inadequacies while we were growing up.

I listened to a teaching about the the wounds fathers unconsciously and/or consciously inflict on their children while they were growing up, and I'll we sharing it with you all (in my own words) in this series titled 'The inadequate Father'. We will start with the Missing-In-Action Father (MIA Father)

The Missing-in-Action Father is one who is alive but is/was unavailable. He  is the father that interrupts the emotional bonding between him and his children by his long absences. Fathers working in rigs are wounding their children without knowing it. Fathers who work elsewhere, like soldiers who get transferred on military assignments to other countries while leaving their children to be raised by their wives are wounding their children without knowing it. Every time they come back and the child is trying to reconnect, before he succeeds, daddy is gone. Children from a broken home also fall within this category of those who grow up with a M.I.A father

Considering the fact that children are egocentric, i.e. believing that everything is about them or revolves around them, these children grow up with the misplaced thought that ‘Daddy left because of me, if only I was a better child, if only I was a prettier child, if only I was wanted, daddy would have stayed’. They never consider it that its mummy and daddy's inability to make their relationship work. Such thoughts are not loud or outright, it is mostly in the subconscious thus is not easily identified or seen as a threat to their future relationship with others

The legacy absentee fathers leave for these children (who grow to be adults) include:

Scandal...

I began the tortuous process of watching Scandal. The process began with the decision to begin a drama series after painfully counting the costs which included having it at the back of my mind that this would herald the start of sleepless in Lagos. It’s been 72 hours and I’m almost at the end of season 2 and I feel like bursting

Olivia Pope: The beautiful, sexy little thing. An independent woman, an achiever, a goal setter and getter, the woman every man wants to be with but very few can handle. A woman like that in real life represents a threat to manhood, and would more often than not be discriminated against. But in ‘scandal’…she’s the fixer…the one that makes things happen, or disappear…and appear. A professional fixer who once worked on the President’s campaign. In fact she is on a kentro level and only the love of one man, makes us see that she’s actually a woman

Mr. President: Tall, broad, handsome, always have the subtle boyish smile waiting to melt the hearts of those who sees it…Unhappy in his marriage, a little bit clueless and madly in love with one woman. The only woman for which he knows no reason. It’s sad really  that the fear of being like his father (Big Jerry) makes him lack the ruthless qualities the president of the free world should have. But he’s not doing badly.

Cyrus: Oh Cyrus the bulldog, dragon and ruthless knight of the Oval office…vicariously ruling through the president. His character makes me understand that as big as the sky is, not all of us can fly in it…some do their flying by helping others soar higher than the rest.

Mellie: Conniving, determined, ambitious pretty lady. Who loves her husband but is more in love with the power his position grants him. She’ll do anything to make him happy, but above all, she’ll do anything to make him remain in power…She’s not a First Lady content to play the background role...power hungry grabbing b*#ch

Scandal touches on the powers behind the power…it shows the conspiracies, the betrayals, the cover ups and the unimaginable things that goes on behind the political scene working together to make things appear perfect…. Its fast, its racy, it’s addictive, it’s too much pleasure and pain and rush in one movie…almost sinful.

Harrison: You can take everyone away from this drama  but leave Harrison for me... i'll gladly make him my scandal. Mehnnn I have children in my mind already for him... I took a keen interest in him when I met in at 'Stomp the Yard'... and I've watched him grow since then, I've dreamed of becoming 'Mrs Columbus Keith'  for a long time and I see little Keiths seated around our dinning table. I love you Columbus *Harrison* Keith. Fine boy no pimples, sexy eyes...dangerous playful smile...and a voice that just arouses my sexual goddess ..oh Keith when will you Marry me na, stop teasing me. leave my dreams and come and sing in real life for me...

Shonda Rhimes creates some very beautiful on edge stories, take Grey’s Anatomy for instance. She know son'thing for that her head.  Good work Shonda... keep doing whatever it is you are doing.

Nutty Jay

Weddings...

I'm not a wedding go-er... I don't know why, maybe its something in my genes. Whenever I go its because I've been compelled to or its just unavoidable. And such unavoidable weddings come once in a year or once in two years (I'm ashamed to say that, but its that bad... cant believe I missed almost all my friend's weddings)

One came up this year. Last weekend...and I say I must to go this one. I didn't have much of a choice anyways. So I traveled on a Friday, saw some friends in Abj on Friday night....got in my dress on Saturday and went for the wedding. And it was a beautiful wedding...so beautiful that I began to get dizzy with all the colorful attires and activities. 

The wedding apart from being a wedding could conveniently pass for a show too, where one would probably pay N10,000 for ticket and the caption would be: 'Jumai* hooks Femi*' 

Ministering: Bishop ****

Guest Speaker at the wedding: Dame Patience Goodluck Ebele

Featuring: Flavor, Uti (from big brother), Gordons, J-Martins and many others

MC: Jedi

Also Starring; Dangote Aliko, Ngozi Iweala, Otedola and many others

It was interesting to know that Jumai* and Femi* had known for 12 years...they dated earlier in 2003 for sometime on and off, broke up...went their separate ways after 2 years or so...dated others and but finally came back together in 2010. hmmmm.... okay the way it was told at the event, you would want to cry at how romantic it all seemed

Moral Lessons:

1. Love will find a way:  Whether you met 4 months ago or have known for 12 years... He/She that will come to you, will come

2. The Wedding Day will surely come: whether its Dame Patience that would be speaking at your church service, or its just your regular church wedding service without the interruption of the first lady, the day will come

3. ...and the D Day will go: oh yes, whether its 10,000 guests or just the regular 300-500 people, the wedding day will come to an end. Most times by 7pm that day

...and when the curtains have been closed and the applause ended and the guests have all gone home, you both will be alone, to begin your marriage 

4. But if you are the guest of such a glamorous wedding... go there with your business cards. Ah han... is it your wedding? Go and network o jare... the truth of the matter is your presence may not make much of a difference anyway, so why not make business contacts? 

Enough said already...cos all this kine wedding talk don dey make marriage hungry me

Nutty J

WHY???

Three magical letters... W H Y. 

Do you know how much more easier life will be if we stop and think W H Y we do the things we do?

ExxonMobil have one of its safety slogan as: STOP,THINK,ACT...  (The Power of 3, I think its called) Its a way for you to evaluate the circumstance/happenings around you before you make the decision you want to make. 

WHY
WHY NOW
WHY THIS WAY

How bad can it be/get? An email came in today and practically got me upset and as was my usual fashion I wanted to reply back, argue some points, give a piece of my mind and etc etc... but then it occurred to me like 'why' bother??? It ain't gonna change anything... so why respond?

The errors we make in life are sometimes a product of the fact that we don't think about the reason we do the things we do.  For instance, so many people would have avoided being obese if they pause and reason: 'am I eating this because i'm hungry, or because its 1pm, thus time for lunch'. 

So we get stuck in unpleasant situations brought about by making decisions to 'go with the flow'...and by the time we realize we are unhappy, it usually 'too late' 

Its never too late to try and erase those errors you've made, except you are dead... because its one thing not to fully comprehend why you got into a mess in the first place...and its another not to know 'WHY you have chosen to remain in a state of unease'. The common factors usually are not far from: 'What will people say if I suddenly change this?'... 'but its some how naaaah' bla bla bla. 

Sweethearts let your actions be guided by the 'WHYs' of this life. Before you take up that new project, before you act, before you say yes/no, before you decide...Stop, and think 'WHY am I doing this'. 

But if its too late for that first thought... your thinking now should be: 'Why am I not doing anything about this'. 

It all comes down to W H Y

Learning from your mistakes is educative...but come on, some mistakes should just be avoided, they are nothing but a pain in the behind. 

Nutty Jay

Dealing With It...

Hello people

I know I've been missing in action, been busy. Busy doing research, writing exams, tackling issues at my job, breaking up with my boyfriend, going through some financial challenges, making mistakes, getting disappointed by some people I had a different opinion about, dealing with my faith, making mistakes there too, getting myself up, dusting the dirt off and healing

But its aiight...I'm still standing, I can't touch each and every one of the above mentioned but I guess I owe it to you guys to talk about the breakup in my relationship, since most of you have followed the progress of the relationship thus far. It happened in the first Wednesday of February 2013, cant really go into much details though, but it just wasn't working for me...guess I knew all along right? since it was never a functional relationship... off and on... out of the three (3) years stretch, I cant remember having a full functional 12 months where we dated at a stretch without breaking up, or doing the long distance quarreling (like when I was in Delta state recuperating) . God knows I tried to come to terms with the relationship, I tried everything I could to make it work, and I guess that was where the problem was. I had allowed myself and every other person convince me that I had a good thing going, and that as usual I'm wanting what does not exist, he's a good guy, this that that, and me, I'm not serious etc etc. Like the bible says, 'faith comes by hearing'...so be careful what you hear folks. I have heard a lot of disparaging things about myself that I end up second guessing my instincts a lot.

So why did I run away? The same reason I had always told him marriage may not work for us. We have two different perspective of life and we are what can be termed by Dexter (one pastor like that) 'A Bickering Mis-match'. So have I always known? Oh yes I have... but he is a nice (good?) guy. And who doesn't want a nice guy? especially in the midst of some of these clowns that pass as men these days.  But like my friend Bliss would say about certain issues 'babes, it has to make sense in your head, it has to be right in your head'. This relationship just wasn't right in my head. It appeared cute, it looked good, it had all the right trapping...but it just wasn't right. And the more it became *seriouser* the more it began to weigh heavily in my heart. I knew I was making a big mistake. I now believe when Dr. Monroe says : The enemy of 'Right' isn't 'wrong'... the enemy of 'Right'...is good. A 'good' thing sometimes stops you from doing the right thing.

However going through a break up isn't as easy as it sounds. Or as easy as it used to be.

Lessons Learnt.

1. Don't prolong whatever you are not sure of. Don't even start it if you can help it.
2. Don't make promises...
3. People would criticize you whether you are right or wrong. So do right by you
4. Sometimes there really is no time, to waste time.
5. Not everyone who becomes your friend is a potential partner. Don't mix things up

How to deal with it

1. Don't find solace in the next person waiting in line, or the next one, or the next one. It won't work
2. When you are pressured by people and circumstances to change your mind, remember why you broke it off, and stand your ground. Except you had no good reason
3. Don't stay away or turn to food for solace.
4. Don't run to the church and try to hide behind it. You shouldn't hide. The earlier you begin dealing with it from your head and heart and with the consequences, the earlier you find peace
5. ...invest in chocolates. lol
6. If you made a mistake...go back.
7. Oh...you should ask God for forgiveness, for breaking someone's heart
8. After the storm, ask your ex for forgiveness too, cos technically there was a hope of marriage and you just shattered the other person's expectations
9. Move on

I beg that's all... I feel sick this morning, I don't know why.
 I can't wait to go to bed tonight.

Thank God its Friday. xoxo


Nutty Jay.

Still I Rise

I dedicate this poem to all those (unfortunately they are not here) who don't know how  to act around me anymore immediately they hear my Genotype is SS...like seriously? like all of a sudden I become a specimen under the microscope that you don't know whether to crush or hug...like I'm supposed to apologize to them for not looking the part or for shattering their illusions about me... awwww...sometimes the look on their faces in direct contrast to what he/she says is too priceless for words. I laugh most times cos its just darn too funny...other times, I'm disappointed and sometimes, I'm just indifferent...but mehn whatever.

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise. 

-Maya Angelou

Happy Women's Day

Nutty Jay...

The Hours in a Day...

All I want to be is successful...I want to have an all round success. Life, Work, Ministry, Career, Health, Relationship etc. But I have noticed that one or two aspects suffer to allow the other aspects of one's life thrive.

Now I don't know how successful people manage to do it. You see a person with good health and sound mind, doing fantastic in his job, going successfully  higher spiritually, whose family is in tact and thriving with a sound career path and he still has time to attend his charity functions.

How do they manage it???

Really right now I feel like I'm swamped...its a good kind of swamped so don't get me wrong. But its a bit chaotic right now, and I'm not feeling like I'm on top of my game at all

Maybe...just maybe if the days were 27 hours in each day, I might have at least enough time to exhale.

How do you guys do it?


Nutty Jay

Policies

'Jay...what does the policy say' is the usual response I get from my boss when I go and mediate on behalf of a colleague on any matter. He refers me back to the policy. The company's policy. This was formulated to avoid any form of 'na we we na...do for me'. It guides our decisions in the company so that every one operates in an expected manner and makes sure all dealings are fair. You agreed to work for the company, so you must work according to the laid down rules and regulations of the company and be rewarded according to what the policy says about that particular reward you are gunning for. No 'I'm a friend of the boss'  arguments.

Now, whilst it is rare to cram the Company's policy, there are people who know where to find and get everything they want from it. Those people cannot be cheated in the company, because they come prepared and say '...Madam, according to the policy, I'm entitled to so so and so...' in such scenarios, I plead their case favorably to the MD and if for instance another colleague is there grunting and murmuring and trying to give reasons why that other person shouldn't have it (bad belle people) I hold on firmly and say 'This is what the company promises in so so and so event, if you don't do it Sir, then this document is invalid'. And it is done. Case closed

So also it is with life. If you have agreed to serve God with all you have and made him the Lord of your life...you have to live by the Kingdom's policy. The Kingdom has a manual that guides our interactions and day to day life here on earth. On every issue.  So if you are a child of the Kingdom, and you still don't know what you should be doing or not doing in that kingdom, then you are missing a lot, being cheated out of a lot by the devil and you will continue to make mistakes like a non-citizen of the Kingdom of God.

Enough is enough...its time to take back all the Devil has stolen from us... Its not okay for you to be a christian and still be cheated and led astray by the Devil. Consult your manual so you can boldly enter the throne of grace and make petitions...claim all the promises and most importantly know how to walk tall and uprightly like a Child of God. For instance what does the bible say about mouth ulcers? You check and you see that the word says 'By His stripes, Ye have been healed'. You hold on to that and say it and give thanks. Case closed. Are people tormenting you in your place of work or in your family? Check your manual, 'No weapon formed against me shall prosper'... oh so it is there, pray it. Case closed. Or are you struggling with fornication? You prayerfully consult your manual and you see 'Do you not know that your body is the temple of The Spirit of Holiness who dwells within you, whom you have received from God, and you are not your own?' You see that and you say that to the devil and you shake off the feeling...feel free to sing in addition: 'satan comot for road ooo..I carry holy ghost, I no get break ooo, I go jam you, you go die'  Case closed.

If you do not know what the bible says about the situations of life...then its not too late, prayerfully study your bible, your manual...its is the Kingdom's Policy. You are a child of the kingdom.  The devil leaves you alone when you say 'It is written...'

Read your bible...you can never go wrong with that.


Nutty Jay

Nutty Jay and Tongue Taming

My exercise of taming my tongue began on Thursday the 14th of February 2013...yeah, on valentine's day to be precise (How una celebrate una own). The process began on Monday last wee though .From then till now I can proudly say I haven't spoken up to 100 sentences...or maybe 150 sentences.

This is no lean feat as this can be very frustrating...a naturally opinionated person who has to hold her tongue at work, at home and in church is the hardest thing to do, okay second hardest thing to do...cos I still believe getting a camel to pass through the eyes of a needle is the hardest thing of all time. Right now typing away in the office this morning, I have greeted three (3) people with grunts and with the nod of the head. No words. And I know a whole lot of people yesterday wondered in church why I smiled sheepishly throughout their conversations with me, or why the chatterbox Nutty was nodding profusely like an Agama Lizard...only on rare occasions did I volunteer a word here and there. I feel totally sorry for everyone who has called me over the phone and all I did was grunt in response. Well some might notice the change that I have gone from the talking type to the listening type. yaaaay!! I haff changed

At this junction I must reveal that this change was brought upon me, not by choice but by force. I'll explain... I noticed I had mouth sores and upon further clinical investigation it was revealed that it is MOUTH ULCERS. I rebuked and bind(ed) the diagnosis until I was told not to worry that in 3-5 days, it would heal. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that as one part  (eg gum) heal, another part (eg. tongue) of the mouth gets affected. Talking, eating and drinking is the most painful experience right now. The doctor told me Lack of vitamins must have caused it, since that is the popular cause...and since then I have been diluting vitamin c and licking it raw on the tongues and taking antibiotics and Vit B2 etc...so much so that my blood count by Thursday had gone from 31% to 28%....this is expected since I have been taking antibiotics (which break blood) without eating properly... fear no let me check again because my period started two (2) ago now and I know the PCV must have dropped again..

But something troubles me though... I did a research on 'Mouth Sores in Sickle Cell Anemia' and I stumbled upon a medical journal that say Hydroxyurea a cancer drug used for the treatment of sickle cell anemia causes mouth sores. Prolonged mouth sores. Not only did I see that, I saw some other disturbing side effects. Its a drug I have been on since May 2012, after the terrible life threatening crises I had then. I also read some other people's blog yesterday and they complained about the same issue


To cut a long story short, because this post is beginning to get boring... this is informing the general public, that Nutty Jay has gone quiet for the meantime... no talking, no eating solids and no kissing...almost 7days now and counting.

My people pray for me ooo...this is a month of waiting on the Lord in my church and I was just crying yesterday when I thought about how I couldn't pray with my mouth. And I'm hungry... I miss food. I'm sad...this is too harsh a way to learn how to bridle my tongue


Nutty Jay

Magun!

It is true what they say about seeing your life flashing before your eyes thought Kola as he languidly pirouetted through the air. To the eyes of the startled onlookers the somersault had taken less than a minute, but to Kola himself, it had happened in slow motion. He saw Tomike his wife as she dressed up for her work as a company secretary that morning, looking as glamorous as always with her impeccable make-up and her mane of shoulder length imported hair. He saw the way her tailored suit accentuated her slim shapely figure, and just as he landed, an image of Iya Kudi had rudely shoved its way in. His breath left his body with a gasp as his large frame hit the road, his features wreathed into a large smile even as dust swirled around him like wraiths.

‘Ha! O ti ya were’ a concerned onlooker remarked,  as she could find no occasion for mirth in the bizarre scenario that was being played out before her eyes.

Kola scrambled to his feet, dusted off his designer suit as best he could, and began to dash towards his car but he had only taken a couple of strides when he rose up into the air then proceeded to somersault again. This time in his mind’s eye, he was the mighty Sunday Mba celebrating the winning goal strike in the recently concluded African Cup of Nations, and he threw himself into the exuberance of the moment, turning an extra cartwheel for his enthralled audience well, just because he could. This time, he landed on a tray of oranges set out by a roadside seller, and the air was rent with her shrieking curses and wails as oranges rolled everywhere and she scrabbled furiously to gather them all up. The dust slowly settled to reveal Kola spreadeagled on his back as he gazed beatifically around him, like it was a usual occurrence for a well-dressed man to be sprawled at the side of a busy road.

‘Ki nse were le leyi o, magun lo mu’ said another onlooker, and those words galvanised the watching audience which had now swelled considerably.

As soon as he recovered his breath, Kola sat up and was about to rise to his feet when with an unspoken accord, six or seven men broke from the crowd and raced towards him, pinning him down to the ground. He could not understand why they were preventing him from fulfilling his destiny, he had only one more somersault to do before exiting the glorious stage called life, and he was determined to see things through. The smile on his face that had seemed etched in stone disappeared as he began to struggle maniacally with the men and before long, more of the crowd came to assist them in keeping him down.

His mind went back to Iya Kudi. She was the desire of his heart, the architect of his current misfortune. He had first noticed her as she walked past his office with the huge basin of rice on her head, and his eyes had followed the rhythmic movement of her backside under her wrapper long after she after had disappeared from view. He had kept a lookout for her, and the next time he had seen her, he had sent his messenger to call her so he could buy some rice. He was interested in her wares, but it was not the ofada rice and aya mase stew wrapped in leaves that had caught his fancy, tasty though it was. There was a raw earthiness about her that appealed to him, and despite the cheap perfume that she had on, her natural muskiness hit him in the back of his head, robbing him of all coherent thought. The bold, knowing way she had stared into his eyes had left him in no doubt that she knew the effect she had on him, and before long their relationship was in full bloom.

She had whispered to him after one of their trysts that even though Baba Kudi had a quiet demeanour he could be quite unpredictable, but he had assured her that there was no way their dalliance could be discovered, and they had carried on, for four languorous months. Physically, Iya Kudi was everything his wife was not. She had no idea what scales were, and she carried every one of her fat cells with pride, showing off her ample cleavage and rounded shoulders in tight, low cut, short sleeved ankara tops. She always tied wrappers, never wore skirts, and the thought of the delights that lay under her ample petticoats made Kola redouble his frantic efforts to escape his captors.

Baba Kudi stood a way off, staring dispassionately at the prone figure of Kola. He bore him no ill-will, and gazed at him with the curiosity of a lizard deciding whether or not to eat one more fly. He had known of his wife’s affair almost immediately after it started, but had been content to let it continue until his gods told him she was planning to run away with Kola. Even though he was a tailor by profession, he came from a long line of herbalists, and was fully versed in the ways of his fathers. There were always pieces of fabric lying around the house, and it had been very easy to put the red thread across Iya Kudi’s path.

He was jolted out of his reverie at the sight of Iya Kudi throwing herself on the floor beside Kola and holding out a bottle of dark yellow liquid towards him. He remembered how he had carefully filled the bottle with its frothing contents, and the detailed note he had left beside it.

Kola’s eyes bulged in disbelief as Iya Kudi remonstrated with him. He understood that the antidote lay within the bottle, but the thought of drinking it made him gag, literally. He shook his head violently from side to side as he insisted that he would rather die than drink the warm liquid she held so tightly. There was a slight commotion as a car drew up and Tomike stepped out. She dropped to her knees beside Kola as Iya Kudi babbled at her through her tears. Her eyes steeled with resolve as she reached for the bottle, and uttered a terse instruction. Kola felt his head being raised off the floor, even as a firm finger and thumb clamped his nostrils shut. He gasped for breath, and in a smooth motion, Tomike emptied the bottle down his throat, ignoring the way he spluttered and choked.  The bottle emptied, she tossed it aside, handing a wad of cash to the men who held him as she got into her car and drove away.

The men let Kola go as they realised the antidote had been successfully administered. Iya Kudi backed away before turning on her heels and sprinting off into the distance at a speed that belied her girth. Kola got up, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he tried to get rid of the acrid taste of the liquid, and then entered his car. His life as he knew it was in ruins, and yet as he remembered Iya Kudi, he smiled again and then started the engine.

Culled from: Joxy's Blog

2013 Resolution...Moving Forward

res·o·lu·tion  (rz-lshn)

n.

1. The state or quality of being resolute; firm determination.

2. A resolving to do something.

3. A course of action determined or decided on.

There's this song that comes to my head, its by Hezekiah Walker and it's titled 'Moving Forward'. so many people are stuck in the past...or should I say, that the mistakes of their past haunts them and bites them in the arse. Some times it makes you feel unworthy of the good things life is throwing your way and so you throw them out right back at life...at other times you look back and cringe and say 'I can't believe I was so stupid'. It gets worse when you have one or two people around you whose actions towards you emphasize that they think you are not good enough, that you've messed up in time past and you will mess up again...no good thing can come out of you.

My dear...MOVE AHEAD. See if you don't believe any other thing you need to believe what the bible says '...Old things are passed away and behold all things are made new'  Do not allow anyone including the devil rob you of who you are meant to be. Your past is over in Christ...all things are made new!!  Move forward...no one will move you forward unless you agree to move yourself. Break those friendships that drag you back, they are unhealthy...those friends feel comfortable waving your mistakes over your head because that is how they feel better about their own-selves. You need to separate yourself from those negative people/things that take you back.You owe it to yourself to fulfill destiny, and men and women of great destiny are not those who are timid, ashamed or afraid to come boldly to God, because of one thing or the other. 

So when I thought about my resolutions this year and what they would be, I couldn't think about anything else but Moving Forward in Christ and in life. It doesn't matter who has to go in the process. It doesn't matter the discomfort I have to feel in the process. I have to settle it once and for all that my life is in God's hands, not in man's opinion, thus I should be living it to please God and fulfill the purpose for which He has created me. 

Let me remind you...'...he that the son sets free, is free indeed'  If God has set you free, begin to walk in that freedom. If you remain stuck in your 'coulda, woulda and shouldas' its all on you.  

Think about it...

Nutty Jay