I admit here today that I am the most cowardly and stupid person the world has ever seen when it comes to being attached to people and things and any fucking frigging thing you can think off.
This is not a rant, I am not ranting... I repeat this is NOT A RANT. I am here to tell you that the inability to walk off, or tear myself away from anything I hold dear, even when that thing I hold dear is no longer in my best interest, that inability to walk off, is a sickness. It is a disease...one that I'm suffering from, it is a curse, one that I need deliverance from, its a stronghold that needs to be broken and nailed to the cross.
If not how else can one describe holding on to a shut door and trying to make it open and sweating in the process and suffering when a similar door is widely open and beckoning for me to come in without effort???
How else can one explain holding on to friends that clearly don't want to be friends
How else can one explain moaning a pen that goes missing and refusing to write anything using another black pen for weeks on end
What else can I describe never ever ever ever wanting to discard anything? except i'm 100% sure it is going into the hands of a better owner. I don tire, I think its a curse...and I'm just a fool. Life was so much easier when I rarely cared about anyone or anything and could use and dump and reject people and things at the drop of the hat. Somewhere along the line I grew up and became cursed with a stupid foolish and useless conscience that wants to kill me. A conscience that wants to ruin me and bury me without a shirt on my back... what a fool!! I don't even need anyone to mess things up for me, I rain on my own fucking parades...what the hell?
This is not a rant... I swear I am not ranting.