Seeking My Love For Life

So just when i prayed to God to give me a heart to love and receive love, I had my prayers answered and a month later I find my self loving and being loved by two (2) guys. 

Not two bastards, or one good guy and one bastard, nah....two responsible good men that love me without question. 

This past month I've been at a place where I feel like either God is playing a practical joke on me or the devil just wants to set me up. 

There is EP who i met first and on LinkedIn. ..He is Nigerian,  worked six years in the banking industry and decided to go further his studies abroad...We've never met in person but we bridge the gap by skyping,  chatting, phone calls etc regardless of the 9 hours time difference. He is good looking, intelligent, principled, doesn't drink or smoke or womanize, so focused on his career and all he wants to achieve. He is the kind of person that commits and doesn't look back except by a divine intervention. He does have a sense of humor too. 70% of our conversation centres around work, school, work, future ambition and work. I think that's okay...right? He is the kind of guy I've always looked for, someone whose own ambitions go side by side mine and who drives me to be better. As in I leave every conversation with him with a determination to be better. And I do better. He is good at reading my every mood, encouraging me, he is a great guy like that. He has made plans to come visiting in November, and when he rounds up in May he will relocate back to Nigeria full time. EP is 31 years old 

Exactly one month later I met Cee...okay that's not entirely true. I've known him for two years, but in passing, we take the same courses together...but I only began talking to him July 5th 2014...at a party we both attended.  What can I tell you about CEE... He is good looking, intelligent, focused, tender hearted... oh so tender hearted and its scary how we think alike and almost always talk alike and have same likes and dislikes. I don't get tired of talking to him... I can see him 26 hours of every 24hour day and I still want to see more of him. I get jealous sometimes over him...but it is a pure friendship...one devoid of lust, or anything of such. For once in a very long time I actually worry about another person's welfare daily...the way he cares about me and wants to do everything to make me happy is something you can see he is not faking, how he wants to know my opinion about certain things etc. I talk with CEE and I can tell him anything, Something happens or does not happen I want to call CEE and tell him, just exactly as he does with me. And we help each other with work, he is also a Human Resource Executive. Cee is a man with a purpose and a future and he acts like I am the best thing that has happened to him for a long time. There is an innocence to the way he lives life. CEE is 30 years old

MISGIVINGS

1. EP strikes me as the kind of person who hardly tolerate short comings in any form... and its kinda scary to know I always have to be on my 'A' game or else I would wear off his heart or woreva. Like if the thing might slow him down or he feels it might complicate his best laid plans, he would rather just stay away from such things... I don't know mehnnn maybe its my imagination

2. CEE just got out of an Eight year relationship, yeah he is that kind of one woman together forever guy. First she broke up with him early last year and they made up in December 2013, only for her to say she's really not ready for marriage and then broke  up with him in May 2014.  He swears his affections for me isn't a rebound, I want to believe this... but....

Conclusion

Both men make me happy I cannot lie, both men are making future together ever after plans for me, both men connect with me intellectually and I an see its not about wanting to sleep with me. 

Of recent I talk more with CEE, maybe because he is in Lagos Nigeria with me and we are on the same time zone or maybe because we share too much in common. Nevertheless I can't use that to judge because really the playing field is not even, considering the fact that EP doesn't have the same amount of time CEE has (its a nine hours time difference). 

By the way I am not playing any of them, I told CEE that there is EP who I met before him and who is crazy about me, and I told EP about being distracted of recent. Both of them are still friends to me... I haven't committed to anyone biko don't judge me. 

One reason I am not committing to any of these guys is because I really am not ready to make a mistake. I'm not some starry eyed teenager looking for 'The love of my life' only... nah what I want is 'A love for life'. 

People of blogsville... how do you decide that he or she is the one for you, how do you know the one you let go isn't the one you should have chosen? I used to think I had experience in such matters, but this time, I am completely lost and I don't want to make this kind of decision based only on my emotions. 

Help!! Because I just might run away from the both of them. 

*sad face*

Nutty Jay. 

Who killed your Individuality????

individuality

ˌɪndɪvɪdjʊˈalɪti/

noun

1. 1.

   the quality or character of a particular person or thing that distinguishes them from others of the same kind, especially when strongly marked.

   "clothes with real style and individuality"
2.      Sym: uniqueness, originality, singularity, particularity, peculiarity,distinctiveness, distinction, differentness

It is often said that there is that one (or two or three) thing about us that makes us different from every other person... that makes us unique.

That thing that makes you stand out. That quality you possess that make others remember you long after you leave the room

I wonder if anyone over the age of 25 especially in Nigeria still possess their special quality. Or at least still possesses all of theirs. The illusion of social acceptance has robbed us of our Individuality, of even the memory of how we used to be.

Social acceptance is profound...its number three on the hierarchy of needs of every individual. After psychological need and the safety need comes the need for social acceptance; Maslow refers to it as 'a need for love and belonging'

How subtly we go from who we are to who others think we should be, and begin to act how others feel comfortable with us acting around them… and we reason that this is fine so long as they accept us and we belong to them and they show us love. So what  if I have an opinion different from others, it doesn’t matter, what matters is checking first to make sure those we receive love from agree with the proposed opinion.

So what  if I want to have my dessert before the main dish? Nah we reason that it isn’t socially acceptable…so far be it from me to be caught with a piece of cake before I have eaten my vegetables

So what if I prefer pants to dresses, it doesn’t matter, the culture you have noticed in your place of work suggests that you look more serious wearing a dress…oh and it doesn’t matter that the company’s policy doesn’t dictate either ways, you just know you’ll blend in better with dresses, you just might have to learn to wear heels often and practice your leg crossing better

So what if my idea of a good evening is relaxing at a lounge like Mouse Pad in Lekki phase 1 with soft classic music and a calm ambience because that’s the environment you need to unwind after a long day’s work? Well it doesn’t matter what you want because you are considered boring if you don’t prefer one of the other alternatives that have music blaring to ‘Surulere’ ‘Your waist your waist all I want is your waist’.

I remember a friend, I don’t know what we were anyways, we were in probation stage of  dating, sort of.. I think… arghhhh!!! I had gone for his birthday, was the first to arrive and after sometime his intercom rang and he was informed another guest was on her way in… he said okay, then turned to me and ever so smugly he said:

 ‘Chichi is coming in, she’s my friend, please don’t embarrass my friends’  

Honestly till today I don’t know what that was supposed to mean. All I was doing at that point was flipping the channels while I was eating chicken pepper soup. Fast forward two hours later like 9:30pm after all his guest had arrived and we had eaten and drank and it was time for me to leave… he walked me to my car and hugged me and said:

 ‘wow you got along so well with my friends and you blended well with them, thank you so much’ or something and in my head I’m like ‘what the hell? I was sitting there all this time being there for you and you were watching hoping and praying I don’t embarrass you with your friends??? Seriously who gives a Sugar Honey Iced Tea’ but I responded with a smile and I left. 

But the thoughts of that day still linger till now, I’m sure if my head isn’t correct I’d have found myself thinking:… how do I act to please and talk and shit and moan and eat to please and not to embarrass this guy and his friends, then his family and then our kids.  OLORUN MA JE OOOOO

You see the more we try to blend, the more we give up one unique thing about us each time. Very soon you would not remember if you like your eggs boiled or fried or raw. You just become so used to being like others that even you will not remember what is unique about you. When you get to that stage, don’t expect others (Boss, wife, husband, pastor, kids, client etc) to think you have anything different to offer them than the average person. You are just like every other person. Someone to be forgotten

Social acceptance is profound, its key and its all the things it is… but it’s not worth giving up your individuality for. The world is a very big place, so if MR(S) A isn’t comfortable with who you are and what you stand for and can’t accept you like that, move to the next person (or office or church or mosque or city or house) and the next and the next till you find who accepts you as you are. 

Don’t give up your individuality just because doing so makes another person more at ease to relate with you on their terms. 

Take pride in whatever it is that makes you different. Individuality is what divides you from the rest.

Happy Democracy Day in advance 

Dear God...

I'm sorry I'm writing to complain, especially since it’s been ages I wrote you a letter. Please don’t see this as me complaining, I'm just confused right now and I no not who would understand why but you.

Yesterday started all sunny and rosy and good. Our instructor in church taught us the importance of prayers stressing the fact that we wrestle not against flesh and blood. Even in the evening when I went back to church with Bobo for the praise session that marked the end of the ongoing youth program, I was still walking on sunshine...by the end of the program my joy knew no bounds...I had peace. You know this Lord. 

Then I came home...late...or rather by 9:30 pm and you saw how my uncle greeted me with 'You...this your church when you go, you sure it wasn't something else you went for?'. That almost put a damp on my joyful state, but I remembered that the devil is always around trying to steal people's joy... him and his cohorts are the principalities we wrestle against... not flesh and blood (my uncle)...so I shrugged it off and laughed, even though I wasn't sure if he meant it as a joke. I went to the sitting room..made small talk with Bobo, talked about one of his fine married friend and how I admire him...made more small talk and hugged him good bye...noticed he didn't hug back, but what the heck, we have had a long day. 

You see Lord when I texted Bobo before bed asking him why he didn't hug me back, and why he didn't call to say he got home safe, and why he didn't pick my call when I called to check on him, I didn't expect to wake up to his reply which said 'Since you were fantasizing about Gbenga, my feelings went cold'... Father this is the part I don't understand and I told him so in my response. How could he not understand that I was joking? If I had romantic feelings for his friend would I have talked to him about his friend? Why is it easy for me to completely be myself with my friends but I have to think and rethink every word of every joke before I say it to him, then pray he gets it? Was that enough for him to go to bed without even calling to say something even if it was 'I didn't appreciate that joke'? Any ways thank you for reminding me again that its the devil trying to steal my joy...and Father I'm really sorry that I talked about his friend to him...cos it means my words kinda sorta somehow robbed him of his own joy. Teach me to remember that we are from different backgrounds. Please make him call or text me...its been 6 hours since I replied his text na. (5am this morning). I have apologized, and I don't want to be the one to break the silence.  

                                          

But Lord what is this new issue with my father now? Ever since I told him I would like to come to warri and show him whom I'm dating and planning to marry...its been one thing or the other. You saw when my aunt called me now saying my dad was asking her: why does she want to marry all of a sudden, and what plans is he making to get chartered in his accounting practice, and why is she going all the way from the south to the west to get a husband, and she is supposed to travel down first and talk to me about the guy first before bringing him to the house, and just a lot of long long list of what this, and what that and is my aunt sure the boy can take care of me, is he ambitious enough bla bla bla and that he isn't comfortable with the whole idea... see God I'm just confused...YOU know I have been telling Bobo to wait concerning this his quest to meet my father, cos I know he wont be ready for these questions with good answers...you know how difficult my dad is, now what will I tell Bobo that is seriously preparing to travel with me in two weeks time to meet my dad?  I don't know what to even pray about concerning this... should I pray against principalities and powers? Or should I ask the holy spirit to witness to my dad and convince him, or should I listen and heed carefully everything that popsi mi  is saying? 

I just tire...and right now, I don't feel much joy again, along the line from 4:45am till now, I think I lost it somewhere. Thou knoweth everything Lord... talk to me. I need direction and in the meantime,  I want my joy back, while we ponder over the other issues.

Thank you Sir.

Sincerely,

Your Daughter

Princess Jay. 

Single In The City

There is a reason its termed Singles Awareness Day (even though I now hear that is now celebrated on the 15th). Valentines day have an uncanny ability to make singles feel depressed and lonely and sour. Today 14th of February is that day of the year were most of you single chicks will look longingly as your girlfriends rush out the door clad in red with stars in her eyes clinging to her date, and wish that were you as you echo the words ''have fun ooo''... or you sit down listening to your girlfriend moan and whine about how confused she is...she doesnt know if she should spend the day with "Man A' or 'Man B' and is wondering why 'Man C' is still calling her....and you secretly wish that you had at least one person...you are not asking for too much oooo...just one person to spend the day with.

Well my dear, leave that thing o, you can choose to be happily single or sadly single on this day. One very simple and popular thing you can do today is THROW YOURSELF A PARTY!! Better yet Host a Single's Party. I mean what exactly is the big deal? If you dont have a partner, pining and wishful thinking wont bring you a partner the next day. Yes everyone is hooked up...but so bladdy what? TODAY you have been given a good reason for a party and you wanna waste it carrying a long face around? The thing is...happiness, doesnt rest in the bossom of the opposite sex, neither does it exist only on valentines day. You can choose to be sad and lonely and listen to songs like 'everybody hates me no body likes me, i'm gonna eat cockroach' or you can show yourself some love, I mean I love myself so much that I can actually mail myself a valentine's gift and still act surprised when it arrives..lol...az in 'wow Nutty just sent Jay a gift'

I look back with fond and not-too-fond memories of my past valentines' days...

2005: I had an awesome time with 'Angel' who had come visiting from his school bearing gifts.

2006: Spent it in Abuja with same boyfriend

2007: Spent it alone bcos 'Angel' and I had broken up and the relationship between 'PB' and I was'nt strong yet. So it was me...brandy...and some weed...with other single chicks. School life was fun/terrible. No gifts except from toasters

2008: I had travelled to ABJ to spend 13th-20th with 'Honey'... and I ended up spending most of that time in the bathroom with a cigarette between my lips and tears flowing like River Benue. Twas a terrible experience. I was the only one who gave gifts on this occassion...none from him.

2009: Spent it in church...in fact it was one of the best i've had so far. I will single....by choice that period.Was taking a break.

2010: Spent it with my current ex boyfriend who showed up by 6pm after we had agreed I should make Valentine's lunch that sunday (which we didnt eat again cos he was ina rush)...who came empty handed cos he said he didnt know what to get me...and who acted like a complete jerk....

2011: hmmmm...well for the first time in a while I actually wish I could just throw a party for myself and by myself. No such luck. Had a dinner date last night at Jades Palace and got a Black Berry and Italian sandals as gifts from A friend who I still dont know if I should date...today I'm having another date after work and gym with another friendI'll talk about later....

Bottom line... having a partner for Valentine's Day isnt a guarantee for happiness. If you are not hooked up this season...then make today a day you can remember with fond memories. Make it count... you dont have to be in love before you show yourself some love.




''If you mistakenly buy into the myth that you need a partner to be happy, being single can be lonely at times. However, if you view this time as an opportunity to work on yourself, appreciate what you already have, and make a plan to be an even better you, just imagine the kind of partner you will be attracting into your life—thanks, in part, to being single on Valentine's day.'' Rhonda Rabow M.A.


Happy Vals Day y'all...be happy today.












o le ku....tell me something when I no fit do...

Luuuurrrvvvvvvvv

I woke up from a nap by the vibrating of my phone. I reached to the other side of the bed thinking…yah!!! the sms at last to confirm that the trip to the beach this afternoon was still on. The smile faded with the speed of light and was replaced by a grimace. the sms read thus:

‘Jay I’ve been in this relationship for over four years, you know I love, respect, cherish & have made sacrifices at different times and occasion to make my girl happy, she does not reciprocate, she’s not committed, she’s impious, stubborn and does not have regard for me, still I love her. right now the relationship is stagnant. What would you advise me to do’

Girl in question is my correct friend…dude that sent the sms is my correct friend’s boyfriend. Earlier in life, receiving such sms’ were the highlights of my day. They made me feel significant, you know like people who had issues, especially concerning relationships would scroll thru their phone and stop at ‘Nutty J’ because they see the light ‘Yes…Jay always has a 10+things+to+do+to+make+it+work advise up her sleeves, I’ll call her’ well they weren’t wrong… I would dispense advise like Dr Phil(omina) and they and their relationships always lived happily ever after. Some I tell (like one who just looked into a crystal ball) ‘..hmm the way this is going, it’s time to let go’’, if they adhere they are always better for it.

It got to a point where friends expected me to be a role model…like if I look sad about anything at all, they go:

‘ah han Jay…na you dey talk like this, you be iron lady ooo, figure it out na’’ if I have boy trouble and I confide in friends I hear:

‘Jay this is not you…you don’t suffer fools…you sud know how to deal with this…meanwhile did I tell you Kome is misbehaving again…the other day he…’’

Needless to say, I was supposed to be the one who had everything figured out. So when I had to break a guy’s heart…or two…or three..okay I can’t remember how many, I did it because I had everything figured out. God forbid that I tell anyone my confusions and fears and worries. When my heart got broken that one time, God forbid that I tell anyone about my broken heart…I did my crying alone where tears would have filled a medium sized bucket. I did my mending alone with a smile on my face, none of my friends ever looked long enough to see the anguish in my eyes, because ya…you guessed right, I had everything figured out…I am iron lady.

So my response to such a trap+setting sms (because I don’t know whose side he expected me to be on) on that hot Sunday afternoon (good only for the beach) was:

‘hey…take it easy, such things happen even to the best of us. So cheer up’

Heaven bless my friends who finally called and I went to the beach…got back home 3 hrs later, brought out my phone to see I had a reply sms from my correct friend’s boyfriend among other sms’ and missed calls

‘That wasn’t what I asked. Hope you are cool because that doesn’t sound like you. hope am not pestering you in anyway’’

For a minute I was tempted to go into my Dr Phil mode again and send my usual never ending sms where I say all love is and isn't and give advice to the best of my knowledge asking him to stand outside the box and climb the box sef and look in and blab la bla. It was tempting, come on…you know it is. I shook the idea off and decided to compress all that I knew about love into one sms:

‘‘I wouldnt worry too much if I were you...if its love then two things are involved. It would either end well or not end well...so dont worry’’

Then I hit ‘send’

And that’s the way ah ha ah ha…I like it ha ah ha ah

PS: Happy November People.... thanks 2cute2 for the new month wishes sms you sent

The Need To Be Who You Are

Do you have people in your life who just dont get you? They just cant understand your need to be you...in order to co-exist successfully with them, they would rather have you dumb it down a bit....you know, dim your light a bit.

Don't settle for such people... who ever likes you should be able to love you the way you are... we all have one life...and its in God's hand. The need to be who you are in this life is all that matters. Don't let anyone rob you of this all in the name of acceptance...

Here is an advise my friend gave me recently:

''...na you sabi were e dey pinch you so y allow 'world people' to control you? What makes you think their views on you will get you to the destination you seek?
Just be you and keep flying! Abi you think success comes to those who don't take risks? who are too dumb? who keep seeking for approval first?? shy, reticent, fearful, timid people wandering 'what will Mena think of me' first thing in the morning, throughout the day and last thing at night? tufiakwa

think am na, The people that TRULY want your progress are few and far between cus they want it for themselves. Ever heard of PHD (pull him/her down?) aka the crab mentality??word!

Please the only person you should look up to is your God and Creator emphasis on 'your' cus it seems people have different gods they are worshiping'.


Imma leave you with this song by Glady's Knight o jare... Have a good weekend