I Am Stuck!!!

I am lying in bed tonight, disgruntled, a lot running through my mind and I feel stuck. I feel like everything and everyone around me is making significant progress or at least have got it all figured out for themselves... except me 

It is an annoying state of mind. I literally do not know what to do or even what I am doing (come to think about it). About anything 

And the fact that Nigeria seems to be folding up is not helping matters. 

The weather is constantly hot, there is no steady light, there is no fuel for generator, there is no fuel for my car that is bought effortlessly without queuing, inflation is unbearable. Did I mention that the weather is unbearably hot?

And to crown it up like I said, I really really feel stuck in a never ending circle!!

The public holiday ends today and work starts tomorrow and I am just not myself 

I am not happy. 

Who killed your Individuality????

individuality

ˌɪndɪvɪdjʊˈalɪti/

noun

1. 1.

   the quality or character of a particular person or thing that distinguishes them from others of the same kind, especially when strongly marked.

   "clothes with real style and individuality"
2.      Sym: uniqueness, originality, singularity, particularity, peculiarity,distinctiveness, distinction, differentness

It is often said that there is that one (or two or three) thing about us that makes us different from every other person... that makes us unique.

That thing that makes you stand out. That quality you possess that make others remember you long after you leave the room

I wonder if anyone over the age of 25 especially in Nigeria still possess their special quality. Or at least still possesses all of theirs. The illusion of social acceptance has robbed us of our Individuality, of even the memory of how we used to be.

Social acceptance is profound...its number three on the hierarchy of needs of every individual. After psychological need and the safety need comes the need for social acceptance; Maslow refers to it as 'a need for love and belonging'

How subtly we go from who we are to who others think we should be, and begin to act how others feel comfortable with us acting around them… and we reason that this is fine so long as they accept us and we belong to them and they show us love. So what  if I have an opinion different from others, it doesn’t matter, what matters is checking first to make sure those we receive love from agree with the proposed opinion.

So what  if I want to have my dessert before the main dish? Nah we reason that it isn’t socially acceptable…so far be it from me to be caught with a piece of cake before I have eaten my vegetables

So what if I prefer pants to dresses, it doesn’t matter, the culture you have noticed in your place of work suggests that you look more serious wearing a dress…oh and it doesn’t matter that the company’s policy doesn’t dictate either ways, you just know you’ll blend in better with dresses, you just might have to learn to wear heels often and practice your leg crossing better

So what if my idea of a good evening is relaxing at a lounge like Mouse Pad in Lekki phase 1 with soft classic music and a calm ambience because that’s the environment you need to unwind after a long day’s work? Well it doesn’t matter what you want because you are considered boring if you don’t prefer one of the other alternatives that have music blaring to ‘Surulere’ ‘Your waist your waist all I want is your waist’.

I remember a friend, I don’t know what we were anyways, we were in probation stage of  dating, sort of.. I think… arghhhh!!! I had gone for his birthday, was the first to arrive and after sometime his intercom rang and he was informed another guest was on her way in… he said okay, then turned to me and ever so smugly he said:

 ‘Chichi is coming in, she’s my friend, please don’t embarrass my friends’  

Honestly till today I don’t know what that was supposed to mean. All I was doing at that point was flipping the channels while I was eating chicken pepper soup. Fast forward two hours later like 9:30pm after all his guest had arrived and we had eaten and drank and it was time for me to leave… he walked me to my car and hugged me and said:

 ‘wow you got along so well with my friends and you blended well with them, thank you so much’ or something and in my head I’m like ‘what the hell? I was sitting there all this time being there for you and you were watching hoping and praying I don’t embarrass you with your friends??? Seriously who gives a Sugar Honey Iced Tea’ but I responded with a smile and I left. 

But the thoughts of that day still linger till now, I’m sure if my head isn’t correct I’d have found myself thinking:… how do I act to please and talk and shit and moan and eat to please and not to embarrass this guy and his friends, then his family and then our kids.  OLORUN MA JE OOOOO

You see the more we try to blend, the more we give up one unique thing about us each time. Very soon you would not remember if you like your eggs boiled or fried or raw. You just become so used to being like others that even you will not remember what is unique about you. When you get to that stage, don’t expect others (Boss, wife, husband, pastor, kids, client etc) to think you have anything different to offer them than the average person. You are just like every other person. Someone to be forgotten

Social acceptance is profound, its key and its all the things it is… but it’s not worth giving up your individuality for. The world is a very big place, so if MR(S) A isn’t comfortable with who you are and what you stand for and can’t accept you like that, move to the next person (or office or church or mosque or city or house) and the next and the next till you find who accepts you as you are. 

Don’t give up your individuality just because doing so makes another person more at ease to relate with you on their terms. 

Take pride in whatever it is that makes you different. Individuality is what divides you from the rest.

Happy Democracy Day in advance 

Bokoharam Is Not The Enemy

Let us be truthful and call a spade a spade for once in this country... we have far far bigger enemies than the so called sect names #Bokoharam. 

From what I remember in the latest spam message MTN sent me, Nigeria gained Independence in 1960 and became a republic in 1963, and since then we have not had a moments peace in this country. If it is not one coup after another, it is Biafra and if its not that it is some dark shade wearing dictator, then to corrupt politicians then the fuel subsidy unrest to the APC and PDP's battle of wits everyday in our news papers and bloody battles behind the scenes... and many old power hungry men and more nonsense I don't have the time to recall.

In my opinion, the white man left us alone to our devices way too early, we learnt nothing about Administration, we learnt nothing about Economics, we know nil about Management and least of all we know nothing about social empathy. Oh yes we have all the degrees in the world because our society places emphasis on paper, but having all the degrees in the world doesn't buy us common sense, it doesn't make us human... it doesn't teach us love. It just makes us one big society filled with Educated illiterates .. illiterate that celebrate mediocrity. I'll explain...so hold that thought.

It's not news that Patience Jonathan has no command of the English Language. Infact I doubt if the First Lady has had proper education. However that's no news

It's still no news that she has not tried to improve herself (as a person occupying the position of first lady) from the incoherent English she manages to spew from time to time. .. and that's such a shame on both her and the president. But that's old news

The bigger shame though is that Nigerians, residing in this safe-less, insecure, corrupt mess of a country (where children are killed on a daily basis...where 234 girls can be picked from their school and held hostage for three weeks and counting...) would rather crack jokes about the obvious (madam's English) during her speech at the conference she held, than try to focus on the reason she called the meeting in the first place. 

Back to that thought you are holding, I bet if the First Lady of the United States had given a similar speech albeit in perfect American English we will clap loud in adoration, tweet about it, many will say 'oh what a fine lady'. Because that is what we celebrate. Michelle's speech will be deftly delivered and half of her message lost during the process because guess what??? half of the citizens of Nigeria won't even understand what she said. But we won't mind...na those kine things dey totori us. 

Madam has delivered her speech in a way she understands, yes she could have done better than that, but she didnt... what she did do however is  talk in the language that every Nigerian understands, including the market women, the fish sellers, the palm wine tappers, the farmer, the PhD holder, the graduate of English, the lawyer, the engineer, even the 9 year old child can understand, but what do we do? We laugh about it, we call her names, we make T-shirts that read 'there is god oooo'. And I wonder, how does this jest and merry making at Madame's expense  #bringbackourgirls. If you make a joke about it the first and second day I can understand it because it was funny....but seriously till now? And we say we are intelligent? BAH!!!

Nigerians in Nigeria are we normal at all?  A country where we can't empathize? A people who are so intelligent that they look only towards making mockery of other people's inadequacies whereas their country ranks amongst the top unsafe countries? There is an issue on ground and till now we are still laughing at Patience?

Boko Haram is not the enemy, the black man is the enemy of himself...we are our own poison in this nation. 

What a joke of a people.... really, there is God

Nutty Jay

Understanding Office Politics

Fact: Not everyone will enjoy their work life experience. No matter how good the job is.

Job satisfaction does not come as a result of your remuneration or benefits (or lack of it) or from performance incentives only. Satisfaction from the job can be gotten through the apt application of the fine art of this wonderful concept called OFFICE POLITICKING

Office Politics are the strategies that people play to gain advantage, personally or for a cause they support... it is a fact of life of every organization. Maybe because of the negative connotation attached to it is the reason new employees or pious people tend to shrug their shoulders and say 'Well I cant get into office poiltics, I'll just do my work and keep my head down'. News Flash: You are that employee who would find it very easy to be frustrated on the job. 

Office politics is a game you play in order to get and do those things that are unwritten in the office policy, its the game you play to jump the lines and bureaucracies and even some unwritten due processes.... its a game played by 90% of the staff in an organization from the Managing Director to the COO to the office assistants. Ignoring it, or denying it or avoiding it is just tantamount to living in a fools paradise because  whether you acknowledge it or not, it is happening around and over you and if you are not careful you will be a victim of war...the casual observers get chewed and spat out first.

No organization has unlimited resources that can go round everyone equally, first is for you to know this and accept it that some people will get more than others, whether they deserve it or not is a matter of opinion...your opinion I mean. However to be amongst those who gets a fair share from the company, you need to know how to play the game of making the politics at your work place work for you.

Swim along.... or be eaten alive

Build Relationships
Before you rush head in into building relationships you must first identify the key players in the organization: Influencers, those in authority, the leader of the grapevine, the custodian of sensitive information etc. Identify those who one way or the other your relationship with them can help your growth in the organization, then build relationship with them. A phone call every now and then outside of office work wont kill you, a cocktail after office hours wont bankrupt you. Actively taking part in out of office activities with your colleague is how relationships are built. You have to build your visibility with the people who could be directly and/or indirectly responsible for your uprising or downfall in the office, cultivate these relationships based on trust and by being dependable.

Share Information 
Note this, I am not asking you to gossip anyhow, that can breed mistrust... what i'm saying is that giving a colleague an information that can help them with their job, is an act that will put them in your debts. 'Normally I wouldn't tell you this, however I think this will be of use to you...' that's what i'm talking about. Not petty gossip on how your boss is a meanie or how Mr. A is stealing from the office

Conflict Management
Its bound to happen, don't take it personally...its business. Deal with the business issue that has caused the conflict and forget the rest. Don't return trash talk for trash talk...proving a point is at the long run a pointless exercise trust me. And on no account should you run to your boss to whine about your disagreement with another colleague, that's just you being a tale bearer or better yet, one who can't manage issues. That's bad dude. Except if you find out that your colleague is going to trash talk you to your boss, in which case you have to get to your boss first. But remember, the use of tact should come into play here: '...oh by the way, Austin and I behaved rather poorly today, hmmm let me tell you about it'

Please those who matter
It was Bill Cosby who said ''...I don't know the secret to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody'. You can't please everybody...so don't try. However you need to satisfy those that matter, its hard trust me...when you have these strong conviction of what is right, what is best practice and you want to stand up for your colleague against your boss... DON'T. Take a deep breath, count to 20, and choose pleasing your Boss over your colleague. Its a cold cold world.


....to be continued

An Effective Female Leader

On one hand you are female and biology has blessed you with unnecessary emotions, extreme passions, a kind heart and a tendency to be more subjective than objective (most times)

On the other hand you are a leader, and social science demands you to be objective, steadfast, not one who gets easily excited and a person who can make right decisions regardless of whose ox is gored (yours included). A person in charge of others and situation

How do you blend being a woman and a leader in a corporate organization? You don’t. You are either a woman or a leader. You can’t be both at the same time. That’s if you want to keep your sanity.

You cannot be a friend and an effective leader at the same time, you cannot be a mother to those you are in charge of and be in charge at the same time. You cannot aim to please everybody but still lead rightly at the same time. You cannot be reactive like a woman tends to be, instead you have to be proactive. You have to be flexible even when your will wants you to remain rigid on that subject. You need to be consistent even when your hormones are running here and there... you need to act like a man even as you think like a woman.

Being a successful female leader entails leaving the woman part of you at home, get the job done and go back home to her. You just can’t be effective being both a woman and a Leader at the same time.  I don't think nature meant it so...

Its lonely at the top

Nutty Jay. 

LAGOS DRIVING FOR NON-LAGOSIANS

 ‘If you can drive in lagos then you can drive anywhere’. if there is a saying that irked me the first time I heard it, it is that one. An unassuming sentence filled with a dose of condescension that irritated me.I don’t know if it’s the words put together to form that sentence that annoyed me or if it’s the self assured smirk of whoever it was that delivered the lines at the time of delivery that made me want to shout.  

It took me a while to see reasons with that statement… it took me much more longer to admit that I see reasons with that statement. And although I still resent people who say it, I am willing to tell you, especially if you have never driven or been driven in Lagos, how Lagos driving differs from driving in any other place, town, city, state or country. 

The Hours in a Day...

All I want to be is successful...I want to have an all round success. Life, Work, Ministry, Career, Health, Relationship etc. But I have noticed that one or two aspects suffer to allow the other aspects of one's life thrive.

Now I don't know how successful people manage to do it. You see a person with good health and sound mind, doing fantastic in his job, going successfully  higher spiritually, whose family is in tact and thriving with a sound career path and he still has time to attend his charity functions.

How do they manage it???

Really right now I feel like I'm swamped...its a good kind of swamped so don't get me wrong. But its a bit chaotic right now, and I'm not feeling like I'm on top of my game at all

Maybe...just maybe if the days were 27 hours in each day, I might have at least enough time to exhale.

How do you guys do it?


Nutty Jay

Policies

'Jay...what does the policy say' is the usual response I get from my boss when I go and mediate on behalf of a colleague on any matter. He refers me back to the policy. The company's policy. This was formulated to avoid any form of 'na we we na...do for me'. It guides our decisions in the company so that every one operates in an expected manner and makes sure all dealings are fair. You agreed to work for the company, so you must work according to the laid down rules and regulations of the company and be rewarded according to what the policy says about that particular reward you are gunning for. No 'I'm a friend of the boss'  arguments.

Now, whilst it is rare to cram the Company's policy, there are people who know where to find and get everything they want from it. Those people cannot be cheated in the company, because they come prepared and say '...Madam, according to the policy, I'm entitled to so so and so...' in such scenarios, I plead their case favorably to the MD and if for instance another colleague is there grunting and murmuring and trying to give reasons why that other person shouldn't have it (bad belle people) I hold on firmly and say 'This is what the company promises in so so and so event, if you don't do it Sir, then this document is invalid'. And it is done. Case closed

So also it is with life. If you have agreed to serve God with all you have and made him the Lord of your life...you have to live by the Kingdom's policy. The Kingdom has a manual that guides our interactions and day to day life here on earth. On every issue.  So if you are a child of the Kingdom, and you still don't know what you should be doing or not doing in that kingdom, then you are missing a lot, being cheated out of a lot by the devil and you will continue to make mistakes like a non-citizen of the Kingdom of God.

Enough is enough...its time to take back all the Devil has stolen from us... Its not okay for you to be a christian and still be cheated and led astray by the Devil. Consult your manual so you can boldly enter the throne of grace and make petitions...claim all the promises and most importantly know how to walk tall and uprightly like a Child of God. For instance what does the bible say about mouth ulcers? You check and you see that the word says 'By His stripes, Ye have been healed'. You hold on to that and say it and give thanks. Case closed. Are people tormenting you in your place of work or in your family? Check your manual, 'No weapon formed against me shall prosper'... oh so it is there, pray it. Case closed. Or are you struggling with fornication? You prayerfully consult your manual and you see 'Do you not know that your body is the temple of The Spirit of Holiness who dwells within you, whom you have received from God, and you are not your own?' You see that and you say that to the devil and you shake off the feeling...feel free to sing in addition: 'satan comot for road ooo..I carry holy ghost, I no get break ooo, I go jam you, you go die'  Case closed.

If you do not know what the bible says about the situations of life...then its not too late, prayerfully study your bible, your manual...its is the Kingdom's Policy. You are a child of the kingdom.  The devil leaves you alone when you say 'It is written...'

Read your bible...you can never go wrong with that.


Nutty Jay

Passion...

Passion (from the Ancient Greek verb πάσχω (paskho) meaning to suffer) is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something. (Wikipedia)

What are you passionate about? It’s the saddest thing to go through life not having a passion for anything. Having a passion for people is common these days…we are in an era were people fall in love, or get obsessed or infatuated with each other per second per second on the go, but you will be amazed to know that most people do not have a passion for anything. No passion for the course they study, no passion for the job they do, no passion for  God or Devil, no passion for their goals, no passion for anything.

Some people waltz through life living it as it comes. Not making an impact anywhere or in any area, just going with the flow. Sitting on the fence, never going a hundred percent in any direction…nor going zero percent in any direction either, not being outstanding in any one thing. They play it safe. Not too small, not too much…just okay. 'Just okay' people are the saddest people on earth. These are the people who won’t be  missed when they die… they are not known for anything, they will be forgotten in a hurry. They are not known to be good they are not known to be bad, they are not hot they are not cold, not high or low, not independent or dependent, not decisive, not a party starter or party pooper, they are just there.

'I know thy works, that thou art neither hot nor cold, I wish thou were cold or hot' (Bible: Rev 3: 15)… I always overlooked this passage, never really understanding what God was talking about. But these days when I read this text, I can almost feel His pain here. The truth of the matter is that those who are ‘just there’…those without passion for anything, are a complete waste of space in the universe. You can’t rely on them because they are neither here nor there; you can’t pray for them, because they are sitting on the fence thus you don’t know where they want to be; they can’t influence others because they don’t completely believe in anything enough to stand for it and convince others about it. They are a complete waste of space a bore and a nuisance to their circle of influence.

What are you passionate about? If you are above 20 years you should  be able to count at LEAST three (3) things you are crazy about. What is your thing? When people talk about you what are those things they can identify you with, or are you one of those people no one talks about because you cannot be associated with any relevant topic. What is your thing? Do you even have a thing?

Be passionate about God and the things of God or be passionate about the devil… be hot or be cold, know it or don’t know it…strive to go all the way or don’t go at all… do it well or don’t do it at all, either represent light or represent darkness but don’t be in-between the two…that results in ‘low current’ and that is the most irritating thing anyone could be.

Search yourself… if strength is taken from you, and you find yourself immobile for days… what is that thing people will miss you for or will they not even notice you are not there? What is that one or two or three thing you yourself will miss most that might bring you to tears because you are incapable of doing them? If you can’t think of anything (anything not anybody) then you are a complete waste. You should be very far from normal people.

‘so then because thou art lukewarm and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee from my mouth’ (Rev 3;16).  This is a new year, make up your mind not to be a waste… so you don't get vomited by God or man. 

Nutty J

Work and other news

So I had an interview with a Chinese Phamaceutical company last week Wednesday. The role was for HR Manager. That's a step up in career path for me. And the pay is similar to what I earn in my company that has still refused to re-open till now. 

After the interview when the manager i'm to replace asked if I wanted the job, hinting that I have to start by the end of this month... I humbly declined because  somewhere during the course of the interview she had mentioned that Saturday was also a work day...that was the deal breaker for me.

Two weeks ago working on Saturday wouldn't have been a problem, but that was before Unilag contacted me last week offering me admission for my masters program!!! Yaaaaaaay!! I'm going to have my Saturdays busy with schoolwork for the next 18 months that I ain't gonna be working on those days for anybody...thank you very much.  So thank God for me my people. 

So for now I'm still working at home for half pay (what a drag) ...meanwhile did I mention my boyfriend owns a primary school? No? He bought it over from his father two years ago...and has been asking me for sometime now to run it for him as the School Adminstrator and build it academically to standard. It sounds like a good idea being paid and getting a percentage from the profits like he offered, having my own time, pursuing the education alongside and making a difference in that school. But I don't know mehnnn... I feel like doing this might be somehow ooo...him being in charge of my paycheck and knowing my whereabouts most times... I don't know if that's a good idea ooo. What do you guys think? Besides now that I'm trying to focus completely on HR, won't doing this be taking me back to Administration? 

Meanwhile for all the food lovers here...let me show you a blog my friend Joxy showed me some days ago.  It's so cool... It's focused on Delta State's mouth watering dishes... Follow this link  http://cookingncleaning.blogspot.com/ 

That's all for now folks. I need your feedback on the work thingy... 

Nutty Jay. 

Postinor2 and I

Aunty: '...but what does the federal government hope to achieve by banning one of the cheap and easy to get contraceptives?' She thought out loud... raising my head from my IPad where coincidentally I was already reading Linda Ikeji's blog post on the ban of postinor and silently laughing at the comments about tu-face, I responded thus:

Me: huh? Aunty it's Okada they banned oooo. Which rumor are you starting again

Aunty: taaa...haven't you heard that they have banned postinor2?

Me: how many things are they banning na? It's Okada I know they banned...now in the space of 2mins you've said they ban contraceptive...now all of a sudden they ban Postinor2. Which is which?

Aunty: the contraceptive is Postinor2

Me: *insert dumb look* really? Why did they ban it? Is it painful?

Aunty: are you mad?  She was probably wondering what my problem was this afternoon, she had an exasperated look on her face

Me: wait I'm just asking na... Why are they banning it? Is the injection painful or what is their reason?

Aunty: which injection na? It's a tablet...postinor2 is a tablet... Two tablets

Me: for real? You don't say!!! Contraceptive now comes in tablets?  Wow!! I'm impressed. So what's the problem with this drug? Did it just come out? Is that why they are just discovering it has a problem?

   I asked innocently waiting for answers to my question... My aunt got up from her chair, looked at me like I was a character in cowboys & aliens and said:

'My dear make use of google...spending all your time on Facebook is doing nothing for your intelligence. Google 'Postinor2' so you have something intelligent to say when others are talking about it...mscheeeew'.

With that smart retort she went back to her giving her laptop her full attention...



Postinor ke! Postinor2 ni!  Federal government...small girls like us don't know such things ooo. LMAO



Nutty J

Settling for Less

Yes... I heard a sermon in the Redemption Camp that was titled 'DONT settle for less' that was on Friday last week... it was a sermon preached by Pastor Joe Olaya.

Immediately I heard the title, I dropped my blackberry back in my handbag, not bothering to keep an eye on it again in hopes that network would miraculously appear so I can send a quick message to a friend in Canada, my full attention was on this preacher whose voice seem to grab the attention of all including those dosing off on their seats with their mouths open two mins ago, on a subconscious level I was already expecting to hear this sermon linked to how we singles should be careful not to settle for a spouse that isn't what we deserve all because of Peer Pressure  (you see how my mind works these days?)... because a good hunter is one who is willing to grab good information and use it if it would sharpen her hunting skills..no be so?

Well sorry to disappoint you, the topic was not about that at all... but come on, I wouldn't be much of a friend if I dont share it with you because the preaching touched me... chei! hope I haven't scared the desperado singles away

He gave an example with Esau and Joseph. In the mind of Nutty Jay (but based on the examples the preacher gave) this is how it is

Esua came in from work (I like a man that works hard) hungry, I'm sure he wasn't married then because if he had someone like me, my hot self and a hot meal will be waiting for him, he wouldn't have had cause to be tempted my brother Jacob's meal (Guys see one good reason why you need to marry me?)  and because he knew Jacob who was always at home (I don't like a man that stays at home joor) must have made lunch, he went over to see if brotherly love would make Jacob offer him food... after exchanging pleasantries and waiting to no avail for  brother J to say 'Hey bro, please join me' Esau the hard working dude took the initiative and asked: 'Bros that food looks good, I hope it tastes as good as it looks'. So long story short Esua was hungry and almost fainting and Jacob who probably spends all his time in the kitchen reasoning out things, made him an offer he couldnt resist. And Esua who wasn't thinking (remember he was hungry and almost fainting na) sold his birth right for Chicken stew with assorted meat. All he wanted to do at that time was satisfy his hunger, didn't want to develop ulcer, didn't want to die of hunger...he wasn't seeing beyond that hunger, he didn't remember the significance of his birthright that wasn't bringing food to his stomach. So he settled for less (food)...and lost his heritage and blessing and everything to Jacob. What was Esua thinking? Nothing else apart from food


************

Then there was Joseph… good boy, daddy’s favourite…the envy of his brothers…the bright one, the promising child. He is one of those annoying people that things always seem to work for every time. He had a dream (like Martin Luther King), that one day this nation will raise up and bow before him and call him Igweeeeee. He had a vision for greater things God had in store for him, then his brothers contemplated killing him just for dreaming (na wa ooo) then he was sold into slavery…I’m sure there were times he went dayz without food (somebody should tell Esua that), then through diligence he became the general manager of Pothipher’s house (I hope u know the story). And then on one faithful day, Oga Madam came and said:

‘Darling…there’s just something about you that turns me on, I look at you and u remind me of my dad…you are not like all these boyz your age who do nothing but drink and smoke and don’t seem to have any ambition… come o, what drives you, whats ur secret for success’

‘Ah..Madam, its God ooo…we thank God, thank you for the compliments’…he must have replied blushing and grinning from ear to ear…

‘awww you are so cute when u talk like that, kiss me please…ah han why are you drawing away, its nothing na,  I promise not to tell anyone…wait Joseph listen, just this one time, help me out na my husband is never around, I’m horny, just once and your life will never remain the same, I’ll make sure you get anything and everything you ever ask me and my husband for etc etc’

… but Joseph was thinking about his dream, his vision, the plan of good he knows God has for him and he ran, he refused to settle for less…even though he knew he might suffer dearly for it (which he did)… but you see the good thing about this is that whatever trouble Integrity, Uprightness, discipline or the Fear of God puts you in, those same quality would bring you out of that trouble and even to a better place. Check out Joseph na…did he not become prime Minister over Mr. and Mrs. Pothipher?

*****************

You know those times when you say 'Yes' instead of 'No'...just because it is easier? and its less hassle... at those times, you are settling for less. Sometimes its the hunger for quick profit, or the uncertainty of 'What if'... or the temptation of 'Social acceptance' that make us do things that brings us instant gratification and satisfaction, making us lose sight of what and where we are meant to be. For example, if Joseph had said 'Yes' to the Mrs., he would have remained in that exalted and envious position of General Manager...all in the name of 'Keeping my job in this bad economy' after all no one would know . But the thing is He would never have become a Prime Minister, which was his destiny. He would have settled for less. So while Esua wasn't thinking... Joseph was. He knew that trading his destiny for the pleasure and satisfaction for today, wasn't the kind of life he was made for. 

May we not truncate our God ordained destiny for the satisfaction and comfort of the moment. May we not settle for less.

Meanwhile what do you think? Do you think that no matter what we do, our destiny cannot be altered? please let me hear your opinions on this, also...what do you think would have happened if Joseph's Uncle, Esua had said 'No' to Jacob's offer? 

Nutty Jay. 

We Are The Choices We Make

Oscar Wilde once said  ‘Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation’.

I tend to agree with him because most people are basically living their lives for others… and I don’t mean that in a good way, I am not talking about how you want to be blessed so that you can be a blessing to others… which is good, but unfortunately that isn’t what I’m up at this time of the night to talk about

We live our life consciously or subconsciously to please others…As toddlers all we sought for was the approval of our parents, channelling our energy into doing all they expect from us just to get that smile of approval or that twirling in the air as they raise us up high in the air whilst we giggle in excitement. 

We went to school and sought for the approval of our teachers…and getting good grades became our goal because we heard our father say 'My boy is going be tops in his class'... or just to get in his good books...In high school, there was this underlying need to get the approval of our friends…Doing all we could think of to be one of the ‘cool kids’

Then we grew up go to the university, graduated, and began doing things to get approval from the society…Became doctors even though our passion is fashion designing, got married at 26 even though we knew we were settling for less but we did it anyway because someone passed the memo that age 30 is the cut off mark for ladies and they have to make sure they marry the 'available' man immediately before it’s too late, so we did even though we knew he didn't tick even half of our check list...we go to all the meaningless social functions on weekends even though all we want to do is curl up and sleep on Saturdays to rejuvenate after a hard work week, at least for health reasons, but no...we still go for the meaningless functions anyway so that we can grace the pages of City People. Our decisions are lined up with family/friends/colleagues and societal expectations so that we are not perceived as social misfits.

Doesn't it give you a headache just thinking about it? When exactly do we start living for ourselves?  Doing the things we want because and just because it’s what we want to do and damn the consequences of the actions and/or what anybody has to say about it good or bad... at least you made them for yourself!!! Yourself!!!!!!!!!

When do we start living our lives for our own self??? Are we so far gone that we forget that we are responsible and accountable for every choice we make, how we choose to live our lives, good or bad, regardless of whom or what influences these decisions? So why don't you do the smart thing by making these choices yours... why don't you do it because it brings you fulfilment, and not because of ‘what will people say’... what are we so afraid of? Not getting the necessary approvals from our circle of influence??

A dear friend of mine said the following lines to me recently:  

'Choose your path, don't let your path choose you

Choose your friends don't let your friends choose you

Make things happen, so that what happens around doesn't define you

Because either way you will be held responsible and accountable for your actions

So why not be the cause and sole reason for those actions'    ( I paraphrased)

My advise: Don't waste your time living someone else's life...because you see...ultimately...we ARE the CHOICES we make.

Nutty J...

Pre-Menstrual Syndrome...

...is the reason I am here blogging at this time of the night and I want to just say that it is not fair for women to undergo this and many more of the hormonal changes we go through all in one month.

First comes the pre-menstrual syndrome which annoys me thee most, which some times lasts five (5) days, and when it comes it comes with:

Physical symptoms of:

• Breast swelling and tenderness.
•  water retention, weight gain.
• Changes in bowel habits.
• Acne.
• Food cravings, especially for sweet or salty foods.
• Sleep pattern changes.
• Fatigue, lack of energy.
• Decreased sexual desire.
• Pain and low back prior to menstrual bleeding.

Behavioral symptoms of:

• Aggression.
• Withdrawal from family and friends.

Emotional and cognitive symptoms include:

 sadness, hopelessness.

• Anger, irritability.
• Anxiety
• Mood swings.
• Decreased alertness, inability to concentrate.

 ....then the Menstruation begins which lasts five days (for me) with all its associated pain and discomfort that sends one running to the medicine cabinet and getting you so drunk/groggy on drugs in order to kill the pain, so that you can concentrate on everyday activities around you ... and after that when you are beginning to relax and  enjoy life Ten (10) days or so later Ovulation begins and drives you nuts cos you feel constantly like a she-animal on heat. And it doesn't take long for the whole cycle to begin all over again from the top.

And one is expected to go thru all these every month with a smile plastered permanently on one's face???


Is this fair? Because it seems like the woman was created to go nuts every month.... and men keep wondering why we act crazy sometimes? hahahahah...What a laugh!!!


Nutty J

Your Own Flesh and Blood

The hardest battle I've had to fight so far in life is the battle with my flesh...arrgh!!! when I say flesh, I swear I think of meat, so let me just exchange 'flesh' for 'Body'... I don't understand the beef  quarrel my body has with me. Its like its determined to annoy me every way it can. I diet...still I find my body increasing in size. Last week I went from a 62kg to a 59kg and I was shouting my testimony from the roof top only to weigh myself again today and I'm at 61kg... using the same scale. And I pause and I wonder what the hell did I eat within one week to bring back the weight, considering the fact that I stuck to the same diet. Except maybe for those three (3) mornings I ate peanut butter with my bread for breakfast. But then how come my own flesh allowed me hunger and taste for it and then eat it.???

But does it end there? No!! Its like my body read my Resolutions for the year and has determined to frustrate my resolve. What has not happened from then till now? I cant count the temptation o, my resolve to forgive has been tested and tried so much in these past week than in the last 10 years... on one occasion I almost went from my black beauty to green with envy when someone got something I had hoped will come my way, I had to call myself to order when I remembered that Love conquers all (including jealousy)... gossiping was almost creeping in along with its cousin 'Pride' and its neighbour 'Lust of the flesh' when I paused and thought  'No... no way...this is going too far!!' But I thank God for delivering me from the hands of flesh. Because it is obvious I cant trust my own flesh and blood to do what is right on its own..

You see experience has shown that the Devil isn't really your greatest enemy. Lemme rephrase that, the devil is the generic enemy... he doesn't really have a hold on you. You should beware your flesh... your flesh, if not properly watched, will open the main gate and parlour door for the devil walk in. Its your flesh that makes it easy to back-bite, to lust after another person's spouse, to commit adultery and bear false witness, to lie and take bribe, to cheat, to get angry and beat your chest and say 'Do you know who you are talking to?'... to treat your neighbour in a disdainful manner, to cringe when someone asks you for help... its your flesh that makes you say 'Never, I cannot talk to that person again'. Because the flesh is just too damn lazy to do the right thing. Have you noticed how hard it is to do the right things? It takes strength to say 'I am sorry' to someone who has offended you and is in non-speaking terms with you. It takes a stronger man to say 'No' to pre-marital sex... it takes strength not to give a listening ear to gossip... its hard not to indulge in the feeling of pride, its hard to give a genuine compliment to a stranger, its hard to be good to others without expecting anything in return. Its so darn hard becos the flesh is so darn weak.

So do you struggle with your flesh like I sometimes do? Do you wish you can stop disappointing yourself and God? Do you wish you have the grace to turn the other cheek when someone hit you hard? Then it means there is still hope for you... it means your spirit is still on the right track because it is still fighting to overcome the flesh, the flesh which is of a sinful nature. I mean if you no longer feel a tug in your guts when you are about to do wrong then your case is different ooo... maybe you need to check yourself well. But when you still feel that fight between your spirit and your flesh, then take it a bit further and put that flesh under subjection before she ruins you (its easier for me to think of the flesh as a she). How can you put that bitch her under subjection? By Fasting and Praying... by saying 'No' and acting right no matter how hard it is... by asking God to help you. Do it now. Jesus's strength is made perfect when we are weak

Quote: Galatians 5: 17 'For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.'

Till the next one

Nutty J

Its after Midnight....

...and I'd just finished watching 'Kim Possible' which came up after 'Sonny With A Chance' on Disney Channel. I just cant seem to avoid having a dose of Disney channel everyday and even my friends perceive it as weird that I watch that channel, I cant seem to get enough of it. I reached for my phone as it vibrates, the red light indicating I just received a Black Berry Message:

'So how did your day go naw...I'm missing you ooo'
'My day was great...and yours?' I replied
The phone vibrates again before his response comes in and I switch chat box to respond to who was asking:

'Sleeping?'
'eh...not really just chilling watching TV'
'Thank God the strike has ended...work starts tomorrow'
'Good for you... at least you have rested well' I responded

....a group alert came in and I clicked to check what was going on there...some of the member's of the group reside in America so its normal for them to be up joking and laughing over some not so funny things...I dropped a 'LOL' comment and went back to the first person I was chatting with since he had responded a while ago and continued chatting... flipped the channel to TBN...hoping I might get Joel Osteen (no luck) went to MTV Base and nothing interesting there too... went to the kitchen... opened the powdered peak milk tin, got a spoonful of powdered milk, threw it in my mouth and allowed it dissolve (oh the joys of peak milk) and walked back to the sitting room. It was some minutes past 1am

My phone rings at this exact moment and I ignore it, what is bringing mid night call play (mscheeew)... flip the channels some more, get bored...switched of TV... went into my room, checked 'Recent Updates' on BB and dropped a comment for two people which reads 'Una no dey sleep? Witches' ...that's when I thought of browsing, logged onto Yahoo to check out what new job alerts I had received. One caught my fancy...applied for it. Came to Blogger...checked to see if Taynament  had responded to why a Redeemer is a deal breaker....she hadn't.... then checked out Kay's Corner and found him ranting.... by now it was well past 1pm.

When  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said that '"The heights by great men reached and kept, were not obtained by sudden flight. But they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night'  I think he meant something different from these my nightly rituals. Sometimes I read a novel all through the night and fall asleep by 4am and wake up by 7am, and its not as if I'm waking at that time because I need to go somewhere...I just cant seem to sleep. The sleeplessness wasn't a big deal when I was working, then I fall asleep by 11pm...start tossing and turning by 3am and I'm up by 4am to get ready for work. But now I feel the insomnia is getting worse.

How do you guys sleep? And sleep without a sleeping pill or a glass (or two) of wine. Tell me... I want to sleep ooo, this habit of sleeping in the morning and waking in the morning everyday has gat to stop!!! 


Good Morning

Nutty Jay

Na wa... Na wa

Hello...I'm glad you stopped by and you are here reading this, i'm sure you can help me figure this out. So I sent an email to my company on the 27th of September. And it goes thus:

'Dear Sir,

I'll be leaving Delta State for Lagos first week of October and I plan to resume on Monday the 10th of October...I'm much better now, I'll use a walking aid but only for a few months as continual physiotherapy will correct my movement 100% .

I want to thank you very much for your patience and understanding during this period. I really appreciate it and God bless you.

See you soon

Nutty J.'

I sent it to the Operations manager, the financial controller (because they have been paying me since I left in May and courtsey demands, and my head of department)

The next day (28th September 2011) my HOD responded with:

'Hi Nutty,

 

Glad to hear you are getting better and would be coming back soon.

 

While looking forward to having you back, may I say …may the Lord keep you.

 

All the best!

 

Kind regards'

I arrived Lagos yesterday and today I went through my emails as usual before bed and found another email from my HOD sent today the 5th of October 2011 and it goes:

'Dear Nutty J,

 

The decision has been taken by management to terminate your employment with immediate effect.

 

Attached is a scan copy of the formal letter to that effect. Original/acknowledgement copy will be delivered to you at your present address by courier.

 

Please acknowledge receipt of this email and provide your current address by return email.

 

Wishing you the very best in your future endeavor.'

 I just read it 5mins ago ie 10: 50pm... I haven't replied or acknowledged the email... probably cos I dont know how to reply or maybe I'm just pissed off. I could have stayed in Delta State and finished my physiotherapy where it is cheap instead of rushing down here back to Lagos, and making arrangements with a private Physiotherapist, or maybe I'm just too chicken to acknowledge receipt of the email tonight.

Anyways I wont think about it tonight... I'll think about it tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day.

Nutty J