Friday, November 19, 2010

Get the Commitment You Seek.

Have you ever been in love? The type where you get heart stopping, butterfly in the belly, temperature rising reactions whenever the object of your affection says your name. All he has to do is say ''Nutty.....'' and you feel the goose bumps springing even in parts you are not aware of.

When you feel love like this...what do you do? Come on you know the trend it start want to know how he is doing all the want to know why he hasnt called make plans for the week according to his become overly caring...the chemisty sets you on fire and blinds you to his faults....if he doesnt reply your sms you start wondering what you said wrong. But you know na... no be so e dey do you sometimes... ( Vanity talk true now ooo)

Now if what i'm saying is the truth about these feelings you feel when you feel a feeling you rarely feel, then why are some of us (my humble self included) here still single, after 3 months of breaking off from a bad relationship? If we are capable of such strong feelings why arent they working to keep us in long lasting fulfilling relationship?....its simple. Its the secret our ancestors pass only to wise children.


phew!!! there I said it. It sounds crazy abi? I'm not gonna try and convince you, all I ask is that you look back to that relationship where you were exclusive and caring and nuturing and mothering and sex bomb-ing (osama sex-laden). How did that work out?

Now this is what I suggest... its something you all know and if you dont know it, then I bring to you the world's ever green cure to preserving relationships. Repeat after me...'C' is for CIRCULAR DATING

Say it again...'C' is for CIRCULAR DATING

Circular Dating: This can be defined as the art of dating up to three or more men at a time.

Actually before you can determine if you should or should not indulge in this must first understand the secret behind it.

When you circular keep your options open. You date not only one man at a time but 3 or 4...this ensures you are busy at all times of the day. You dont seat at home pining over one guy who is blowing you off, your self esteem and level of difficulty rises automatically without you putting any effort to it, you make out time for one man based on how empty ur calender is (becos your calender is always full). Now all the love you have stored for one man, you share among three men. This way you dont appear clingy, desperate, or insecure. Rather you appear unattainable to the guys which is what makes you appear attractive to him. Now he would fight to keep you to himself... he would be chasing you every where to prove to you that he is 'enough' for you. That is how the genetic make up of a man is...he was built to chase. So make him unattainable and give him a challenge.

You may want to ask...till when? Well for as long as it takes to get you a commitment (whatever that is to you)...please note you are not doing this to make the man sit up...on the contrary you are doing it for yourself. For your sanity. Desperation is unattractive and women are emotional creatures meaning we cant help getting overly attached to a man we love (when we love). But he doesnt see it this way...he sees your calling all the time to check on his well being as being desperate, or insecure..or clingy and this automatically makes him run scared. Bottom line if you're dating a man who hasnt made a commitment to you, then you should keep dating other men. This gives you choices and you won't invest all your time and energy into a man who hasnt made up his mind about where you guys are headed.

Please note I said 'date'...I'm hoping its not everyone you date that you sleep with...go out on dates, flirt shamefully and harmlessly...keep them interested in wanting more...till you find the ONE who will commit to you for life.

If you disagree let me know. If you have any questions...let me know too. When you try it and it works...let me know

Go out there and have fun...have a lovely weekend. Remember that self-first isn't selfishness.

PS: Men in the know its true. You know I love you

PPS: The term 'Circular Dating' I culled from a certain love writer...Miss Rori. She wasnt the first to use the term though.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


I woke up from a nap by the vibrating of my phone. I reached to the other side of the bed thinking…yah!!! the sms at last to confirm that the trip to the beach this afternoon was still on. The smile faded with the speed of light and was replaced by a grimace. the sms read thus:

‘Jay I’ve been in this relationship for over four years, you know I love, respect, cherish & have made sacrifices at different times and occasion to make my girl happy, she does not reciprocate, she’s not committed, she’s impious, stubborn and does not have regard for me, still I love her. right now the relationship is stagnant. What would you advise me to do’

Girl in question is my correct friend…dude that sent the sms is my correct friend’s boyfriend. Earlier in life, receiving such sms’ were the highlights of my day. They made me feel significant, you know like people who had issues, especially concerning relationships would scroll thru their phone and stop at ‘Nutty J’ because they see the light ‘Yes…Jay always has a 10+things+to+do+to+make+it+work advise up her sleeves, I’ll call her’ well they weren’t wrong… I would dispense advise like Dr Phil(omina) and they and their relationships always lived happily ever after. Some I tell (like one who just looked into a crystal ball) ..hmm the way this is going, it’s time to let go’’, if they adhere they are always better for it.

It got to a point where friends expected me to be a role model…like if I look sad about anything at all, they go:

ah han Jay…na you dey talk like this, you be iron lady ooo, figure it out na’’ if I have boy trouble and I confide in friends I hear:

Jay this is not you…you don’t suffer fools…you sud know how to deal with this…meanwhile did I tell you Kome is misbehaving again…the other day he…’’

Needless to say, I was supposed to be the one who had everything figured out. So when I had to break a guy’s heart…or two…or three..okay I can’t remember how many, I did it because I had everything figured out. God forbid that I tell anyone my confusions and fears and worries. When my heart got broken that one time, God forbid that I tell anyone about my broken heart…I did my crying alone where tears would have filled a medium sized bucket. I did my mending alone with a smile on my face, none of my friends ever looked long enough to see the anguish in my eyes, because ya…you guessed right, I had everything figured out…I am iron lady.

So my response to such a trap+setting sms (because I don’t know whose side he expected me to be on) on that hot Sunday afternoon (good only for the beach) was:

hey…take it easy, such things happen even to the best of us. So cheer up

Heaven bless my friends who finally called and I went to the beach…got back home 3 hrs later, brought out my phone to see I had a reply sms from my correct friend’s boyfriend among other sms’ and missed calls

That wasn’t what I asked. Hope you are cool because that doesn’t sound like you. hope am not pestering you in anyway’’

For a minute I was tempted to go into my Dr Phil mode again and send my usual never ending sms where I say all love is and isn't and give advice to the best of my knowledge asking him to stand outside the box and climb the box sef and look in and blab la bla. It was tempting, come on…you know it is. I shook the idea off and decided to compress all that I knew about love into one sms:

‘‘I wouldnt worry too much if I were you...if its love then two things are involved. It would either end well or not end dont worry’’

Then I hit ‘send

And that’s the way ah ha ah ha…I like it ha ah ha ah

PS: Happy November People.... thanks 2cute2 for the new month wishes sms you sent