The pursuit of money!!!!

Ah ha! Money. Let's talk about money. So I was sitting still the other day, on monday I think, viewing my account statement for September and it struck me like lightening that the only inflow I had for the entire month was the salary inflow. The same happened in August.... no daddy deposit, no mummy deposit, no sugar/honey deposit, no friend or family deposit, no enemy deposits sef...and I literarily felt like crying. I used to have people just credit my account for no reason sometimes...they tell me to just take for fine-girl-up-keep. Now for two months no 'dash'. I couldn't risk checking July statement for fear that it's the same. 

I began to think of other avenues to make money. This waking up 4pm because of work thingy isn't something I want to still be doing when I'm in my 40s nah...and I got thinking, and was thinking hard (yea I try to make sure I squeeze at least 30mins everyday to shut every noise and just think, one hour at most) and it hit me that I am not very business inclined. I am more of a structured environment/office kinda work girl. This is a worrisome thing to know because shouldn't we all aspire to have businesses on the side? The irritating question I get asked often when I wonder aloud about this is: 'JAY What do you like doing'?

Seriously? What sort of question is that... okay I like:

1. Eating

2. I like writing

3. I like the guy of the moment

4. I like fixing people's work issues

5. I like teaching/mentoring  (What I know though about work related stuff)

6. I like cake

7. I like driving

8. I like fast cars

9. I like gazing at fine men

10. I like gazing at fine ladies

11. I like organizing other people's life

12. I like helping people find solution to their issues

Mind you that list is in no particular order

But the question is how the heck am I supposed to start a business with any of these likes???  And then I get confused, and I stop thinking, and then I allow my mind wander away from my confused thoughts and turn them towards the 8am- 6pm job...that I get to the office at 6:15am for and get home by 9pm sometimes 10pm if the road is experiencing major traffic , and I thank God that I have a better job than the last job where they enjoy owing staff salary, and refuse to pay vendors too (May God forgive my ex employers) 

But I don't know mehnnnnn.... I really need another source of income. I'm at that age where I need multiple streams of income. 

Happy Belated Independence Day

Nutty Jay

Why You Must Marry Before You Begin to Age Like Milk

...hahahaha...okay those are not my words, some guy I used to know actually put some ish up on his blackberry PM that said '...I'm tired of all these lagos girls that age like milk'. That was the day I began to unlike him

The reason for this post is to highlight the advantages of marrying early. All my female readers, especially those  below the age of 26, kindly take note

1. No heeediot will indirectly tell you that you are aging like milk

2. No family member will abuse you saying 'your shakara too much, you never really ready to settle yet' all because you refused to date a man without a job one aunt is trying to match make  you with

3. Your single status will not be the prayer point in every family function

4. You will not be at the office from 6:30am till 8:30pm because there is no one to go home to

5. You will not be doing character check every time you have a smart retort for some nonsense some man has spewed from his mouth all in the name of 'be polite, you never know if he is the one'

6. You will not be abused for uploading pictures of yourself  by friends and family who point it out to you that your married friends upload pictures of their family members while you are busy posing on your dp alone

7. You will not go home after a hard day's work to a cold and empty house with no one to share the experience of your day with

8. You will not mentally count your remaining eggs after every monthly flow... *coughs*

9. You will not be the one in the family they tell 'my daughter will soon be too big to be your little bride ooo' 

10. You will not be the one people greet every time they see you with a hand shake and words of  'this year is your year, we will come and eat your rice'

The list is endless, but ladies... let me share one more thing with you. If you start dating a guy hoping it will melt into marriage all well and good, if you are 25 and under.  But for those above this age and are facing serious pressure from friends and family and from movies gan, and you really are ready to enter into the beautiful world of marriage, you don't have time for such 'either or' games where you are testing waters. Simple question to ask after the fifth date is this: ARE YOU THE ONE WE ARE WAITING FOR OR SHOULD WE EXPECT ANOTHER?

You know more advantages of marrying early in Nigeria? Please share with us

Happy Weekend :)

Nutty Jay 

Dealing With Difficult Relationships.

1. Think about it carefully: This does not mean sitting down and weighing the pros and cons of the relationship, it doesn't matter if its been more than a year, or two or three... what matters is that you think carefully about it...by this I mean, think out loud. Irrespective of who is there. In your office, in church, in family meetings say things like '...but watin I talk bad? if I tell Nutty not to go out does she have the right to say no?' This technique is adopted to make sure your circle of influence, friends and family feel your pain and give you advise. Worry not about if their own relationship is good or not, do not worry if most of them are separated as well. For the fact that they are friends, family or colleagues, what ever they say is important and 90% of the time, correct.
2. Apply these advice: So you have been told that this and that are not allowed in a relationship, especially one that you want to lead into marriage. Now is the time for you to begin enforcing these things. rule a line...make a list of dos and donts and make sure you make him/her save it mentally, at every turn where he/she deviates from your laid down rules and regulations, be sure to point it out and let them know that they have messed up and remind them that such behavior would ruin your plans of taking this relationship a step further...remember a stitch in time saves nine. 
3. Become a Monitor: Don't ever underestimate the effectiveness of monitoring your spouse. You love him/her and they love you in return and that is enough. Now you don't want another person laying eyes on your partner, not to talk about going a step further to say 'hi'. Those people are out for nothing but to defile your partner. Now what do you do? This is a bit tricky and you have to be smart...like you have been. Don't say anything directly about this, but try as much as possible not to be anywhere he/she isn't, especially on the weekends and on public holidays. if you can't accomplish this because of ill health or hustle or unexpected travel...call him/her as often as you can and never forget to ask 'where are you'... There is a reason why there are somethings called 'monitoring spirits'. If he/she gives you an unsatisfactory answer or they happen to be somewhere unusual, then make up your mind that they are cheating or about to cheat. Full Stop. Such behavior must be addressed promptly and in clear terms and the more disgust you have in your voice when addressing this nonsense the quicker he/she understands why its wrong to be anywhere out of the norm without you. In fact you are right, he/she is wrong. 
4. Emotional Blackmail: according to wikipedia, is a form of psychological manipulation - it is "the use of a system of threats and punishment on a person by someone close to them in an attempt to control their behavior".^[1] "Emotional blackmail... typically involves two people who have established a close personal or intimate relationship (mother and daughter, husband and wife, sister and sister, two close friends)."^[2] When subjected to emotional blackmail, "we become the other's emotional hostage". As Jean Baudrillard puts it: "If you don't give me that, you will be responsible for my breakdown"
5. Feedback: For every organization to be successful, feedback is needed...from top to bottom and bottom to top. Internal feedback and external feedback. Adopt this in your relationship. Calling home is a key factor in making your relationship work. This must be done when you need your partner to sit up... are they out of line, call his/her parents. Have they suddenly become defiant? call home. Feedback is key.

Now there are many more key points I would like to drop here, but I'm a bit distracted right now with work, annoyance and some stuffs... but theses are the five basic steps you need in having a wonderful relationship. Take my advise... I am good at these things. 

Happy End of Month.

Nutty Jay

The Art of Complaining

Com-plain
[kuh m-pleyn]

1.      To express dissatisfaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment, or grief; find fault
2.      To tell of one’s pains, ailments etc

That’s the dictionary meaning of COMPLAIN

Other words for ‘COMPLAIN’ include but are not limited to:

Bemoan, bewail, crap, find fault, fuss, grumble, lament, nag, moan, and whine, whimper etc.

Some people have got a Master’s degree and currently are studying for a PhD in Complaining.  It’s so sad that they are not even aware of this habit in themselves.
There are two ways in which people get into the terrible habit of complaining over everything, relevant or irrelevant:

-        Hereditary:  I’m sure you all can understand that a child would take after his mother and/or father. If you were unlucky to have parents who complain about everything ranging from the price of bread, to the amount of tax being paid, to the choice of soap or the rudeness of their colleague then there is an 80% chance that you will also be a whiner.

-        Victim Mentality:  This is a state of mind where you believe that everything and everyone is out to get you. You moan about people not treating you right, you moan about your friends not calling you like you call them, you complain about your boss over working you, you complain about being sick and no one is there for you, you complain about not having a boyfriend/girlfriend, you complain about having a boyfriend/girlfriend who doesn’t understand you, you complain about your family, you complain about your hair dresser, you complain about the pastor’s sermon… you complain about your ex boyfriend, in your opinion they all want something from you in exchange for nothing. Even your mobile phone’s ringtone is sad ‘whatever my lot thou hath taught me to say it is well it is well with my soul’…

What you are is a very SAD person and you may not know this, but you are spreading your negativity to those around you…that is why people avoid you. They use you because they know you need a reason to complain later, so why not? They can’t stand being around you for long because all you do is talk about your trials and woes real or imagined. They won’t invite you to social meetings because all you do is sit there and find something wrong with the people there. You lose your real friends one after the other because when they say:

‘Hello dear…how are you?’ you reply with
‘ I’m okay…this life no easy at all, can you imagine what happened yesterday blab a bla’

People begin to find visiting you or calling you exhausting…it’s like trying to walk through a train wreck….very annoying and exhausting. So it’s easier to just avoid you, because guess what??? You are not the only one with issues. Because your friend has chosen not to voice hes’/hers’ out doesn’t mean she doesn’t wet her pillows with tears at night. But how would you know when all she does is listen to you rant and rave every time.
How do you get out of this bad habit? It’s simple…

-         GET OVER YOURSELF!!! The world does not revolve around you. No body, not your parents, not your friends, not your enemy, no one owes you anything. Life is per head. Because you do good doesn’t mean those around you are under any obligation to do you good in return. Stop expecting people to be good/kind to you because you look good or work hard or do well. Stop expecting anything from anyone… you are in control of only yourself and your actions.

-        GET A LIFE!!! Another reason you complain so much is because probably outside your work and your house you have nothing else going for you so you do not understand how or why others seem so content and happy without you or your presence in their life. Get busy…join a club, volunteer at a foundation, go fishing, go partying. Get your own life and stop studying other people’s short comings and concentrate on your own life.

-        GET A VOICE: If you feel you are being given the short end of the stick…speak up. There is no point ranting and raving to your friends and family for something someone else has done to you. What are they going to do about it for you? If you are sick and you feel you don’t deserve it, tell it to GOD. If your boss is over using you and short paying you…speak up and tell your boss. If your family treats you like crap…speak up and tell them. If a particular friend mistreats you, tell those friends. It’s simple
I’m sure you are not aware of this, but there are some people who have REAL PROBLEMS. How you decide to define ‘real problem’ would actually be based on how broad or narrow minded you are, but please repeat after me ‘SOME PEOPLE HAVE REAL PROBLEMS’… say it aloud…say it one more time. Good.  Now you know. There are people in places dying of starvation, people who are in prison without trial for something they were accused wrongly of, people who are dying of AIDS, Women dying of Breast Cancer. You have good health…you have shelter, you have food, you have friends and family (you are pushing away), you are not in prison…why don’t you count your blessings and stop boring people with things they can’t change for you.

Summary

Before you start complaining, pause and ask yourself:
a)      Is this worth complaining about or I’m I just looking for sympathy/pity? (that’s pathetic)
b)      Will whining to him/her solve the problem….will she/he give me an answer I don’t already know
c)      Am I medically stupid? Must I talk about myself all the time?

Answer these questions honestly each time you feel like whining and you’ll be on your way to becoming a person others want to associate with. You can thank me later….

Quote:  Any idiot can complain, it takes someone with brains to do something about it.



Nutty J

Luuuurrrvvvvvvvv

I woke up from a nap by the vibrating of my phone. I reached to the other side of the bed thinking…yah!!! the sms at last to confirm that the trip to the beach this afternoon was still on. The smile faded with the speed of light and was replaced by a grimace. the sms read thus:

‘Jay I’ve been in this relationship for over four years, you know I love, respect, cherish & have made sacrifices at different times and occasion to make my girl happy, she does not reciprocate, she’s not committed, she’s impious, stubborn and does not have regard for me, still I love her. right now the relationship is stagnant. What would you advise me to do’

Girl in question is my correct friend…dude that sent the sms is my correct friend’s boyfriend. Earlier in life, receiving such sms’ were the highlights of my day. They made me feel significant, you know like people who had issues, especially concerning relationships would scroll thru their phone and stop at ‘Nutty J’ because they see the light ‘Yes…Jay always has a 10+things+to+do+to+make+it+work advise up her sleeves, I’ll call her’ well they weren’t wrong… I would dispense advise like Dr Phil(omina) and they and their relationships always lived happily ever after. Some I tell (like one who just looked into a crystal ball) ‘..hmm the way this is going, it’s time to let go’’, if they adhere they are always better for it.

It got to a point where friends expected me to be a role model…like if I look sad about anything at all, they go:

‘ah han Jay…na you dey talk like this, you be iron lady ooo, figure it out na’’ if I have boy trouble and I confide in friends I hear:

‘Jay this is not you…you don’t suffer fools…you sud know how to deal with this…meanwhile did I tell you Kome is misbehaving again…the other day he…’’

Needless to say, I was supposed to be the one who had everything figured out. So when I had to break a guy’s heart…or two…or three..okay I can’t remember how many, I did it because I had everything figured out. God forbid that I tell anyone my confusions and fears and worries. When my heart got broken that one time, God forbid that I tell anyone about my broken heart…I did my crying alone where tears would have filled a medium sized bucket. I did my mending alone with a smile on my face, none of my friends ever looked long enough to see the anguish in my eyes, because ya…you guessed right, I had everything figured out…I am iron lady.

So my response to such a trap+setting sms (because I don’t know whose side he expected me to be on) on that hot Sunday afternoon (good only for the beach) was:

‘hey…take it easy, such things happen even to the best of us. So cheer up’

Heaven bless my friends who finally called and I went to the beach…got back home 3 hrs later, brought out my phone to see I had a reply sms from my correct friend’s boyfriend among other sms’ and missed calls

‘That wasn’t what I asked. Hope you are cool because that doesn’t sound like you. hope am not pestering you in anyway’’

For a minute I was tempted to go into my Dr Phil mode again and send my usual never ending sms where I say all love is and isn't and give advice to the best of my knowledge asking him to stand outside the box and climb the box sef and look in and blab la bla. It was tempting, come on…you know it is. I shook the idea off and decided to compress all that I knew about love into one sms:

‘‘I wouldnt worry too much if I were you...if its love then two things are involved. It would either end well or not end well...so dont worry’’

Then I hit ‘send’

And that’s the way ah ha ah ha…I like it ha ah ha ah

PS: Happy November People.... thanks 2cute2 for the new month wishes sms you sent