Friday, October 18, 2013

Over Parenting

Hello everyone... I have decided to remain anonymous on this blog. Thank you for your input on the last blog post.

It just occurred to me that the root cause of some of the problems Nigeria is facing can be attributed to OVER PARENTING.

This just occurred to me today after I had had an intense conversation with some people earlier in the day, then I got some calls over the same issue and I just wanted to scream!!! leave me the eff alone!!! what the f*ck is wrong with every body! every one has an opinion to give but for Christ sake just save yours sometimes!!!  You make one decision and you have to subconsciously weigh it over:

' will I present this now na, hope his mum wont think....'
'how will my mumsi take it'
'How will uncle X see it...will he think I am fooling myself'
'How will my people interpret this'

...because if you don't weigh it like this before you act (right or wrong) you most likely will get a reaction from your parents and/or guardians or those who are 'wiser' that will make you feel you are doing a stupid thing. A very stupid thing.  Then you begin to second guess things, then take actions that will get you their approval, and another time you just don't bother to think for yourself. After all what are the chances that you will make the right decision. 

So its always easier to just run away from stuff, or hide things or just wait to get approval from the 'wise' ones before you act. Therefore why are we complaining that those who were in power in Nigeria 30 years ago are still contesting for governorship or for presidency? Is it not because the next generation don't know how to go about making decisions without some old clout breathing down their neck with one opinion after the other and then another? So why not just leave it for them to continue running things since apparently they are ''all knowing'.
Overparenting= Bad Parenting

In a Johns Hopkins study, hyper parenting was more closely related to increased anxiety in children than the mental health of the parent or parental rejection.
A mom who tries to control too much robs her child of valuable learning opportunities, including learning how to make decisions. Without these opportunities, children feel less confident and more anxious. Elevated anxiety has also been linked to depression and behavioral issues. (
My point is this: Its just so bloody annoying that every single thing one does, even at this old age, still has to be turned into a mountain...a topic to be discussed and questioned about and to be deliberated on. NOT DOING ANYTHING seems easier as the day goes by. 
Allow your kids make their own mistakes, at least the ones that are not life altering or life threatening.... that's the only way they would learn. 
Nutty Jay

Thursday, October 10, 2013

To do or not to do

Honestly when I started blogging, I needed the release of being able to write anonymously from my heart, every single thing I wanted to say or everything I do, I wanted to be free to write without fear of censure from those who know me in real life. Or that was what I thought was my reason for blogging from an anonymous platform.

However…this morning, it just occurred to me that I’m probably just hiding. Hiding from the wrong things I've done in the past, and thus hiding from the wrong things I think I’ll do in the future then blog about. Hiding my health status, hiding my private thoughts that i feel like sharing but still keep private…just hiding. And what hiding does to you is that you are in a safe and cozy prison, you are not free to know who loves you just as you are because they don’t really know you, and some of those who do know you are saddled with the burden of keeping things hush hush for you that they have no idea if they are okay with these things or not, thus you always have to be explaining things and re-assuring them whilst still grateful that they are there anyway even with their faulted opinion about you. 

And then you find out you are more focused on the past, either explaining it, or apologizing for it, or regretting it… and the devil begins to play chess in your head saying ‘what’s the guaranty that you won’t do it again, why do you think you deserve better etc’…and you begin to believe these and then you mess up some more because you believe its the story of your life, you cannot rise above what was…or what used to be.

So now I’m thinking of going public with the blog. Make every body know abeg. And so I need to hear from you, just how bad an idea is that? How bad can it be? What’s the worst that could happen? Because the alternative in my head right now is to just shut this one down and start afresh, because blogging anonymously is just now working for me anymore.