Good Bye My Lover.... Good Bye My Friend

Its not laziness... its not for lack of something to blog about... its not distraction. My new laptop is going to take all the blame for my not blogging as much as I want to. As beautiful as it is with very authentic keyboard and lovely feel, I just cant seem to connect with it... the idea of switching it on and using it for more than 30mins  is something I don't look forward to. I guess we haven't bonded yet.

So what is this thing I am about to talk about? I'll tell you.... my ex boyfriend, one of my ex boyfriend told me this morning that he proposed to his girlfriend and that she said 'YES'.... for some reasons that has gotten me upset since morning. His email...which was a reply to my email, because we keep steadily in touch... came in today by 9:15am...and since then I haven't stopped cooking. I made a one week full pot of Vegetable soup with beef, kpomo, stock fish and croaker fish....after that I made a two weeks pot of chicken stew, after that I made Jollof Rice...and the house help had to beg me to stop when I told her to go to the market to get me ingredients to fry chin-chin. 

Cooking is not my favourite thing... but its what I do when I'm upset. Either that or cleaning. How can my Angel  be planning on marrying next year. We broke up in 2006... but we have been friends since then, he's one of my best friends, my confidante...my ace. We talk about everything and gossip everyone, and when he started dating this chick in UK early this year, I thought it was just to get over his last relationship....so where did all this proposal/marriage thing come from now? 

I'm happy for him, not because he will soon be getting married, hell no, seriously that is one man I don't want marrying anyone...that is anyone except me (or at least till I'm married)...No I'm happy for him because he sounds extremely happy, happier than he has been for a while. And he deserves to be happy because he lives his life making others happy. But I cant shake the feeling that I am losing my friend to a stranger... there's this pain at the bottom of my stomach that sends me to the bathroom every time I think of it. I cant tell anyone this because they would think its ridiculous and laugh me to death... its been five years come on. Thus I'm blogging about it.

Something I reluctantly learned from this, this morning was that I can fully move on now... I realised that I've never ever completely given anyone else 100% of my love and heart and always left an escape door open in every relationship I have been in the last 5 years...because there has always been a tiny weeny part of me which hoped...and wished that despite everything in our past that made us part ways, we may one day get back together. Well there goes my that. 

I need to stop here... re-reading what I'm writing makes me want to go to the bathroom again.

Oh yeah, I got a Honda CRV car on saturday of last week... I'm yet to pimp it. 

I'm still searching for a job while still going for physio. I should maybe think seriously of starting my own business...but what?

If you dont know Joxy  then you are missing alot. She's a great blogger and has been a great friend to me... besides she likes cooking, so much that I've never met anyone except my mum who enjoys the act of cooking like she does. 

I love you all

Nutty J

How Do I Handle This....

August 2010.

Nutty J: eh calm down...I can understand where she's coming from. Its a normal reaction
C.A : No Jay dont tell me that...do you know she disrespected me by sending you that mail? Did she think of me? Why are Delta girls so aggressive?

'abeg abeg abeg....don't forget I'm a delta girl ooo no just insult me' I joked

'Thats the thing...I've never seen any one as mature as you...you are different, I'm very sorry for this embarrassment, you are one friend I don't JOKE with...'

'E don do. abeg you guys shouldn't quarrel becos of me...pick her calls and just try and make her understand how u feel about this'

'For what? I'm not picking her calls ever again...thank God I haven't promised her commitment..thank God for exposing her bad character'

...as he spoke my mind wondered back to our time together. I met him as a young bloke fresh out of NYSC and working with one of the big banks in Warri. He had three banks offering him a job at the time...I can attribute that to his 2'1 GP but I'd be lying if I said his charisma didn't have a lot to do with it. I was in my final year in school when we met in 2007...and we hit it off pretty fast. There was just something about C.A I found irresistible...we became like rice and stew almost immediately. Our relationship progressed steadily...well steadily until I discovered there wouldn't be any ever afters. Our genotypes are incompatible.

It broke my heart to leave him (this was 2008) my mum knew him and understood why we couldn't be together...but I think he was more broken. He never gave up on us...three years after he was still on my case. The above dialogue happened at my place when I spent my 2 weeks leave in Warri in August. I had visited him earlier that week at the office, took a pic of him...and captioned it 'Sugar Honey'. This I did without any evil intent...I knew he was seeing someone but I didnt bother asking if it was serious or not...I was just so happy to see him and glad we still had our easy friendship between us. So i dont know what triggered the nasty email his girlfriend sent me when she saw the pic...was she mad cos I captioned it 'Sugar Honey' or did her greviance stem up from the fact that I captioned it 'sugar honey' and TAGGED him on it...or maybe she just dey vex say I take picture of the guy...

'what do you mean by tagging my boyfriend sugar honey, you are a girl like me and you knw what that means...I know how best to take care of cases like you. Its not desperation o, its called protection. If you love yourself so much. I beg you lay off becos etc etc'

So when CA made all those declaration above...I was glad. I mean i hated her already and from the look of things, she didn't deserve to marry the man I loved just becos I cant marry him. I tried to reason with him on her behalf but it didn't really come from my heart...imma gonna find him a woman of substance, some decent girl who wont be embarrassing her husband anyhow, somebody with good home training...yep that's my plan...or rather that was the plan I had till...

December 2nd 2010

*ring! ring!!*

'hey wassup up... how u dey? I'm coming to Warri this Xmas ooo, hope u aren't traveling'

'for real...good good....eh *clears throat*'

'ki lo de? why are you sounding like...besides this one you called me very early so...'

'ya...I have something important to tell you'

'talk na...abi are you getting married?' I joked

'hmmm...na wa ooo, you just dragged it out of me...yes o...on the 18th of this month''

...I dont know how I said all the congratulations...and good luck, I even promised to be there. I was happy for him, I swear I was...I mean he has to marry na abi? But how come I just heard about this 18days to the D-Day. How come I feel so bad...am I not supposed to marry before him at least? And when I visited the wedding website (oh yeah they had one)...guess who the lucky girl is? Yes oooooo...the same girl that told me all those things...the same girl that he said he was thankful he hadn't committed to...hence he would break up with.

See I just dey vex....I didnt attend the wedding...I've been in warri for the holidays and I havent called to congratulate him...the one when dey pain me pass be say, a cheque I should have cashed since, I still haven't done so cos he works in the bank where I have to go cash it.
Disappointed

I mean you guys tell me, I'm not jealous I'm just very disappointed in him, didnt our friendship at least mean anything? Why he no tell me?? Why didnt we discuss this...how do I continue the friendship knowing fully well I dislike the wife and she reciprocates this dislike with equal passion. How do I even forgive him for marrying and/or making marriage plans behind my back?

...and I really need to cash that cheque before new year. Dont know how to get to their other branch in town. :-(


Nutty J