I know I've been missing in action, been busy. Busy doing research, writing exams, tackling issues at my job, breaking up with my boyfriend, going through some financial challenges, making mistakes, getting disappointed by some people I had a different opinion about, dealing with my faith, making mistakes there too, getting myself up, dusting the dirt off and healing
But its aiight...I'm still standing, I can't touch each and every one of the above mentioned but I guess I owe it to you guys to talk about the breakup in my relationship, since most of you have followed the progress of the relationship thus far. It happened in the first Wednesday of February 2013, cant really go into much details though, but it just wasn't working for me...guess I knew all along right? since it was never a functional relationship... off and on... out of the three (3) years stretch, I cant remember having a full functional 12 months where we dated at a stretch without breaking up, or doing the long distance quarreling (like when I was in Delta state recuperating) . God knows I tried to come to terms with the relationship, I tried everything I could to make it work, and I guess that was where the problem was. I had allowed myself and every other person convince me that I had a good thing going, and that as usual I'm wanting what does not exist, he's a good guy, this that that, and me, I'm not serious etc etc. Like the bible says, 'faith comes by hearing'...so be careful what you hear folks. I have heard a lot of disparaging things about myself that I end up second guessing my instincts a lot.
So why did I run away? The same reason I had always told him marriage may not work for us. We have two different perspective of life and we are what can be termed by Dexter (one pastor like that) 'A Bickering Mis-match'. So have I always known? Oh yes I have... but he is a nice (good?) guy. And who doesn't want a nice guy? especially in the midst of some of these clowns that pass as men these days. But like my friend Bliss would say about certain issues 'babes, it has to make sense in your head, it has to be right in your head'. This relationship just wasn't right in my head. It appeared cute, it looked good, it had all the right trapping...but it just wasn't right. And the more it became *seriouser* the more it began to weigh heavily in my heart. I knew I was making a big mistake. I now believe when Dr. Monroe says : The enemy of 'Right' isn't 'wrong'... the enemy of 'Right'...is good. A 'good' thing sometimes stops you from doing the right thing.
However going through a break up isn't as easy as it sounds. Or as easy as it used to be.
1. Don't prolong whatever you are not sure of. Don't even start it if you can help it.
2. Don't make promises...
3. People would criticize you whether you are right or wrong. So do right by you
4. Sometimes there really is no time, to waste time.
5. Not everyone who becomes your friend is a potential partner. Don't mix things up
How to deal with it
1. Don't find solace in the next person waiting in line, or the next one, or the next one. It won't work
2. When you are pressured by people and circumstances to change your mind, remember why you broke it off, and stand your ground. Except you had no good reason
3. Don't stay away or turn to food for solace.
4. Don't run to the church and try to hide behind it. You shouldn't hide. The earlier you begin dealing with it from your head and heart and with the consequences, the earlier you find peace
5. ...invest in chocolates. lol
6. If you made a mistake...go back.
7. Oh...you should ask God for forgiveness, for breaking someone's heart
8. After the storm, ask your ex for forgiveness too, cos technically there was a hope of marriage and you just shattered the other person's expectations
9. Move on
I beg that's all... I feel sick this morning, I don't know why.
I can't wait to go to bed tonight.
Thank God its Friday. xoxo