Friday, April 19, 2013

Dealing With It...

Hello people

I know I've been missing in action, been busy. Busy doing research, writing exams, tackling issues at my job, breaking up with my boyfriend, going through some financial challenges, making mistakes, getting disappointed by some people I had a different opinion about, dealing with my faith, making mistakes there too, getting myself up, dusting the dirt off and healing

But its aiight...I'm still standing, I can't touch each and every one of the above mentioned but I guess I owe it to you guys to talk about the breakup in my relationship, since most of you have followed the progress of the relationship thus far. It happened in the first Wednesday of February 2013, cant really go into much details though, but it just wasn't working for me...guess I knew all along right? since it was never a functional relationship... off and on... out of the three (3) years stretch, I cant remember having a full functional 12 months where we dated at a stretch without breaking up, or doing the long distance quarreling (like when I was in Delta state recuperating) . God knows I tried to come to terms with the relationship, I tried everything I could to make it work, and I guess that was where the problem was. I had allowed myself and every other person convince me that I had a good thing going, and that as usual I'm wanting what does not exist, he's a good guy, this that that, and me, I'm not serious etc etc. Like the bible says, 'faith comes by hearing'...so be careful what you hear folks. I have heard a lot of disparaging things about myself that I end up second guessing my instincts a lot.

So why did I run away? The same reason I had always told him marriage may not work for us. We have two different perspective of life and we are what can be termed by Dexter (one pastor like that) 'A Bickering Mis-match'. So have I always known? Oh yes I have... but he is a nice (good?) guy. And who doesn't want a nice guy? especially in the midst of some of these clowns that pass as men these days.  But like my friend Bliss would say about certain issues 'babes, it has to make sense in your head, it has to be right in your head'. This relationship just wasn't right in my head. It appeared cute, it looked good, it had all the right trapping...but it just wasn't right. And the more it became *seriouser* the more it began to weigh heavily in my heart. I knew I was making a big mistake. I now believe when Dr. Monroe says : The enemy of 'Right' isn't 'wrong'... the enemy of 'Right'...is good. A 'good' thing sometimes stops you from doing the right thing.

However going through a break up isn't as easy as it sounds. Or as easy as it used to be.

Lessons Learnt.

1. Don't prolong whatever you are not sure of. Don't even start it if you can help it.
2. Don't make promises...
3. People would criticize you whether you are right or wrong. So do right by you
4. Sometimes there really is no time, to waste time.
5. Not everyone who becomes your friend is a potential partner. Don't mix things up

How to deal with it

1. Don't find solace in the next person waiting in line, or the next one, or the next one. It won't work
2. When you are pressured by people and circumstances to change your mind, remember why you broke it off, and stand your ground. Except you had no good reason
3. Don't stay away or turn to food for solace.
4. Don't run to the church and try to hide behind it. You shouldn't hide. The earlier you begin dealing with it from your head and heart and with the consequences, the earlier you find peace
5. ...invest in chocolates. lol
6. If you made a mistake...go back.
7. Oh...you should ask God for forgiveness, for breaking someone's heart
8. After the storm, ask your ex for forgiveness too, cos technically there was a hope of marriage and you just shattered the other person's expectations
9. Move on

I beg that's all... I feel sick this morning, I don't know why.
 I can't wait to go to bed tonight.

Thank God its Friday. xoxo


Nutty Jay.


21 comments:

  1. Wow! A lot has truly been going on with you. May God be your sustainer. Going by the snippets you've shared on here, i'm not so shocked about the relationship news :) although i was rooting for you. You already have the right attitude so i guess you'll be fine. You have to be.
    Welcome to the singles club *hug*

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  2. lol @ Singles club. Oh mehnnn thats true ooo

    *hugs* right back at you. Thanks

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  3. Hugs. Glad you are still standing dear. Be good.

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  4. awwwww *hugs*

    love is never enough but just hang in there and you will be fine

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  5. God is ur strength....keep holding on and u will surely get the best

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  6. E-hugs, glad you are not making a mistake of settling for good...God will definitely give you the best.

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  7. Thank you people... I pray so too

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  8. Yes, Love is never enough.

    Never sacrifice your life, sweat, blood, time, money, relationships and energy for someone.

    It can never be enough to atone for your imperfection on the day they will leave you because of mundane issues which sometimes is not even your fault.

    If not, all you get is a thank you for all you did.



    When someone encourages you to love them more without fear and take risky steps to plan your future together.

    Let them know forgiveness don't come easy if they turn their back on you due forgivable issues.

    Or else, what you hear is they are allowed to make mistakes with your life.

    I wonder what can be enough.

    - Bobo

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  11. Hugs Nutty Jay. You do sound like you thought it through. It doesnt make it easier whether you are the dumper or dumpee...there will always be that awful sense of disappointment but.... believe me, there's a light at the end of this dark tunnel of relationships; and when you get to it, it dispels all the darkness. Believe God. Trust His promises.

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  15. Good tips proffered here. I want to thank you for sharing your experiences. I know you will shine in time. I wish you all the best.

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  16. I'm glad you're smart enough to want it to make sense in your head.It doesn't have to be perfect,but it just has to make sense in your head.Alot has been going on with you and please,hang in there.It gets better,trust me.

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Say it as you mean it... I can take it