....I couldn't sleep. Why? I was pondering over what Taynement said somedays ago: We always ignore the ones who adore us, and adore the ones who ignore us"
Now there is this guy who has loved me for a year plus...accepts me the way I am and is doing all the right things....all the things I wanted my ex to do. He talks to me all the time, he wants to know what is going thru my mind, he wants to be friends with my family, he wants to send me lunch if he cant leave his office to meet me for lunch. he wants to be there for my low points and high points. He is kind, gentle and caring and I know he loves me...you can always tell when a man loves you, he doesnt need to talk....it shows
I like him...I respect him...I love him, yes I do... I love him like I love a friend that is just a friend. ( I have a lot of those) I don't bother if he hasn't called a whole day. I wont bother if my sms don't get replied...I wont bother if he switches off his phone. He doesn't give me butterflies...he doesn't make my heart stop...he doesn't even make it beat fast... at least not yet. I give excuses:
- He doesnt have the drive I need to match mine
- He isnt overly ambitious but is lucky he is doing well
- He is too passive...
But he loves me...and he loves me the right way. Isnt this what I've been praying for? What do I do? Should I wait a while and see if I can love him back...or should I just turn my back now. What should it be...which is better: The love that loves us....or the love that we love?
I want a McDreamy (Grey's Anatomy) or at least a McSteamy.....someone that makes me tingle at the sound of his voice, someone who I can rely on his strength...someone who can win an argument with me, some one who can call me to order.....someone who can tame me lovingly not because he is trying to prove that he is a man, someone who can arouse my sexual goddess. Someone who I can sincerly enjoy a joke with without wondering if he gets the joke or not.
McVet just doesnt click somehow....or maybe its me just wanting the wrong things.
Besides I'm not ready to date again...not to talk about such a serious kind of dating.
I know I'm rambling....but this is just what is in my head right now. Drama...relationship+to+be+or+not+to+be drama