I miss being in Love

I miss having that  feeling you get when you know there's someone out there who's swaying to the same rhythm in your heart 

Someone who looks forward to you as eagerly as you look forward to him

Someone you know that no matter what, so long as he's there, everything else can go to shit

I don't want the one sided kinda love where he's doing all the loving and I'm doing all the smiling...

...it's not enough 

I want the kinda love where I love right back, fervently. 

The kind of love where we cant wait for the work hours to be over, only so we can be together....

...to make each other laugh
...to be silly together
....to kiss the work stress away
.... and just to be with each other. 

It's been a long time. I can't remember when last I felt that way

I miss that

I miss the butterflies 

I miss having my heart skip in love

I miss being in love. 

Healing For Your Pain

I was told to write an essay recently on my worse pain

I couldn’t think about anything… I kept going back and forth in my head trying to think about what it could have been. And honestly when I started writing this I was just going to write that nothing really in my past has been that painful to qualify as ‘that painful’. Not even when I lost my first job because I had gone to do a surgery 

But then a memory hit me on the spot! Like God brought it back to my memory

So it was the month of June 2002, I was writing my SSCE,  it was also my birth month. Coincidentally I had the same birth date with an uncle, my dad’s cousin. And he was turning a certain age that year (I cant remember), but I remember we had all jokingly agreed I will be celebrating with him that year.

At least in my mind I believe that was the tentative plan…  ironically his son was my classmate, so most of our class mates would be at that party

I prepared for that day. I think I bought a new outfit, I made my hair a fascinating cornrow kinda style. I was amped. My birthday was a Tuesday (June 4^th) but this party was for a Saturday, June 8^th

Then comes June 8^th 2002… a Saturday.  My mum was working morning duty and she had told us she would meet us at the venue. So by afternoon I had prepared food for my dad and siblings to eat and I was hurriedly doing the dishes so that I could go dress up for Uncle G’s birthday. Then my dad walked into the kitchen and the following conversation ensued:

‘Where do you think you are going, what’s all this excitement about’ ' My dad asked

‘Errhm for Uncle G’s birthday, it’s this afternoon….'  I responded puzzled, honestly I was confused.

‘Naaaahhhh… you are not going,  oh ooo so that you can go and meet all those useless boys in your class abi? Or you think I don’t know what the excitement is about? and etc etc etc

He went on and on and on and I couldn’t believe it. This day I had looked forward to for weeks! Like this like this the day was being snatched away only based on an imagination of his on what I couldn’t even frigging understand.

I walked normally to my room, , locked the door, went into my wardrobe, cried silently, cried and cried and cried. Yeah in my home you don’t just stay anywhere and cry because that could trigger another stream of verbal abuse. So you hide to cry. If you had to cry, that is. Today i wasn't even crying that I wouldn't be attending the party... I was crying at the accusations of a crime I was being punished for. A crime I hadn't commited. I didn't even understand what my dad was saying to me. 

After that I took the card I had bought for Uncle G, addressed it and gave my younger brother to help me give him at the party

My dad saw the card, abused me some more and asked me if I bought him a big card like that for his own birthday, said I was trying to impress my uncles sons…. and long story short, I was left at home. Heartbroken

Now let’s recap… I was being punished for a crime I did not commit, a crime I did not even plan to commit, and all based on imagination/assumption. Mind you this was my dad's usual way so this wasn't the first time I was being denied or verbally abused about  something, as a punishment for nothing 

What was the crime? It was that the reason I was excited was because ‘I knew my class mates will be there and so I want to go and see the useless boys, plus  the crime of wanting to impress my cousins’.

What the fig???? Typing this now I cannot even understand this

This issue came up again June 12^th, and it led to me being asked to leave the house after I got through with my WAEC (long story) and I was out of the house for Nine (9) months, until I gained admission to the university.

Apparently that incidence changed something in me. I didn't know that until last Sunday night when I recalled the memory. So that for every time I perceived I was being wrongly accused by someone I cared for, or if they misconstrued my actions and did not bother to seek clarification from me, I automatically made effort to prove them right. After all if I was to be 'punished', I might as well do the crime. And I lived like that for a long time

Sad way to live

Many years passed and I began walking closely with the Lord and I stopped doing that. 

But I discovered of recent that being falsely accused triggered something in me, I get crazy, mad, erratic up to the point of permanently ending every thread of contact with the person. Which was better than excuting the murderous thoughts that play in my head those moments

Why am I sharing this? Because I know many of you will say: 'because of this small thing?"

You see there are histories buried and stored in us through past  experiences of life, that makes us respond in certain ways to the situations that we face today. Thus you face a particular situation and what was stored back there in time past affects the way you respond to the present  situation confronting you. You may never know why you behave strangely sometimes, until you search those things out and deal them. Because many are coming from buried unforgiven  memories. I believe if you ask God to show you why you react in certain ways, He will help you and show you and then heal you.  He searches the heart and deep places of our being.  

I got my healing on Monday... I guess God wanted to heal me from that stronghold and thus He revealed to me the source. You too can be healed, and I pray that God heals your pain and sets you free from every bondage, both known and unknown in Jesus name 

Happy Weekend in Advance  :) 

I Am Stuck!!!

I am lying in bed tonight, disgruntled, a lot running through my mind and I feel stuck. I feel like everything and everyone around me is making significant progress or at least have got it all figured out for themselves... except me 

It is an annoying state of mind. I literally do not know what to do or even what I am doing (come to think about it). About anything 

And the fact that Nigeria seems to be folding up is not helping matters. 

The weather is constantly hot, there is no steady light, there is no fuel for generator, there is no fuel for my car that is bought effortlessly without queuing, inflation is unbearable. Did I mention that the weather is unbearably hot?

And to crown it up like I said, I really really feel stuck in a never ending circle!!

The public holiday ends today and work starts tomorrow and I am just not myself 

I am not happy. 

Defining THE WILL OF GOD in Lay-man terms

Happy New Year my people

I wont allow this month crawl by without wishing you all a  H A P P Y N E W Y E A R

This month has been the longest I have experienced in ages, and it is still ongoing. It is still January. 

I will give you all the gist regarding all that has happened to me in this one month. It's crazy how one month can have so much highs and lows and highs and lows... phew!! story for another time. 

Okay so I have a lay man's explanation for what it means to find the will of God regarding a situation, and that's what I want to write about today. 

What do we mean when we ask: WHAT IS THE WILL OF GOD CONCERNING THIS MATTER FOR YOU ?

For everyone of us there is a story also known as a plan, that God has written/drawn out for us and for our life's journey. Right from before we were born.  This story goes according to what He wants (not according to what we wish). The plots, scenes and actions in this story have been written according to what He wants, and He has outlined  how and when these things will play out during your life time. All for His purpose 

Thus when we request something from Him, it is always in our best interest to ask Him first if what you are requesting is part of the story He has written for you. That is what is referred to as '...finding out the will of God concerning a matter' 

If what you seek is part of His will for you, then you receive your request effortlessly if it is in line with the season for you to receive it, and what you have requested for will come with peace, joy and rest of mind. 

However if it is not His will for you to have what you are requesting, if it is not in your story, dearest you will ask from everlasting to everlasting and it won't come to you. Especially if you are a beloved of God. You will pray and fast and try hard, and you will just be wasting energy and time because He won't allow that thing happen for you.  Hallelujah!! You see you need to trust what he said here, whether you trust in pain and tears and sorrow, you just need to trust His word when He says:

'For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end'.  Jeremiah 29:11

I'd love to just end the discussion here.  But I must say this though, there are times we persist and sulk and throw tantrums and insist and will rather die than let go of what we are asking for. Stubborn!! Most times you can keep asking and you still won't get it, but then again on some rare, very rare occassion you will get what you want, but trust me, it would not bring you the satisfaction you thought it would, it would steal your joy instead of bring you joy, as a matter of fact it will bring about bumps and gallops on your life's story and would make you go through a longer and tougher path through your life's journey.  

Don't let anyone deceive you, it is not easy trusting God every time and with every thing...sometimes you will trust in tears, in groanings, but trust him anyways. He holds all the cards. And one thing I know, He is good and even though sometimes it doesn't seem like that, believe anyway that He is good, and He is good to You.

Practice trusting God this year... trust Him to take you where He wants to take you to this year 2016...regardless of if it is where you had planned on going. You will be glad you followed Him 

Kisses and Hugs always

Nutty Jay 

Salt

I was studying about salt recently, and it would blow your mind just how much we can know if only we would use google the right way.  But the basic of all things salt, is that: it is essential to the health of people and animals and is used universally as a seasoning

Many of us who cook will agree with me that no matter how well you mix ingredients and add all the assorted meat parts in Africa, without salt in the food, it would be tasteless and will remain tasteless until you put a pinch of salt, or a teaspoon of salt, or a table spoon of salt, depending on how large a soup you are cooking. 

Thus salt isn't food itself, rather it is the substance that makes food tasty. It is the reason why we want to eat food. It brings out the taste in all the ingredients in the food. 

'...ye are the salt of the earth...' Matthew 5:13

It would amaze you the things you can find out about yourself if only you read your bible. Jesus was saying to the believers at that time, and believers now, that we are the salt of the earth! You are the salt of the earth, I am the salt of the earth. The whole earth, little me I am the salt of the earth.  Meaning I have what it takes to add taste to this earth.  Isn't that amazing??

It makes me understand that whenever I find myself in an other wise tasteless environment, what is expected of me, by default, is to add taste to that environment. Do you know that for everytime you talk to a person, or join in a conversation you are supposed to leave that conversation or that person better than you met them? Yes you are.... that is what being the salt of the earth means

Many of us I know are on a journey of trying to discover the reason for which you were created, and I believe it would be revealed to you, however this is one purpose you do not need revelation on because it has already been revealed in the bible: YOU ARE THE SALT OF THE EARTH

'...the whole creation waits breathless with anticipation for the revelation of God's sons and daughter..' Romans 8:19

What are they waiting for? They are waiting for you and I to begin to do what Children of God are created to do, that is shine in dark situations, season tasteless circumstances, do good works so that your Father is glorified

 'Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.'  Matthew 5:16

The year 2016 approaches, and the time has come for you and I to begin to make a positive difference every where we find ourselves. You must begin to walk in concsiousness of who you are as a child of God, and begin to add taste where ever you go: in your family, in your neighbourhood, in your community, amongst your friends, in your church, in your city, in your state until you take the entire nation for Christ.  

Many times all you need to do is live an exemplary life, because  it is not about what you say, it is about what you do and how you are when no one is watching...people will see that exemplary life and want to be a part of the life you live. Do not waste your saltiness...because then you really wouldn't be reconciling anyone to God, which is the sole reason Christ died for us. Thus you would be doing nothing as a Christian except occupying space.

'...but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men'. Matthew 5:13b

Selah....

Kisses and Hugs 

Nutty Jay 

Fighting Temptation...

How do you fight temptation? Especially the type of temptation a part of you is willing to flirt with and see just how far you can go... 

Most times we psyche ourselves a lot and mentally check the items off the list one after the other:

- I'm stronger than this... I can actually go and nothing will happen

- For a couple of years now I've made right choices regarding this, so it doesn't matter anymore, this weakness no longer has power over me

- I'm on fire for the Lord... I can will myself not to do this and I won't. ... 

And oh the invitation looks better and better with each passing minute until you can just physically touch it. 

Scripture says (1st Corintians .10 :13) No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

One of your ways of escape is to just walk in the opposite direction from the beginning. When your head begins to tell you that you have nothing to worry about, that you are in control, that you are over analyzing the situation; that's the time you need your feet to run very far from that invitation that MAY lead you to  compromise your morals, your beliefs, your faith, your resolution etc. You can never get burnt if you are no where near the fire. 

Temptations are everywhere. ..on a daily basis the opportunity to do the wrong thing comes knocking. The difference between whether you fall for it and let God, yourself and your loved ones down lies in the choices you make at those times. You always have a choice. 

You know your weaknesses,  these are areas in which you struggled at one point in your life and fell over and over again until you finally got a grip on that area...even though now your mind is very sure you'll never fall again, I'd like to inform you that your flesh hasn't and will never get that memo.  

How to fight temptation: Take the way of escape...there is always a way of escape. Take it. Don't stand there and try to fight it because your flesh would not fight with you. 99% of the time your flesh will let you down. Just flee, its better to be safe than sorry... thus take the way of ESCAPE FROM whatever it is that's tempting you at that time. 

You'll be glad you did

Have a very good week ahead 

Nutty Jay 

Randoms/Purpose

Its been ages!!!! I think the last time I blogged (here) was 2-3 months ago???

I know what the problem is... it's not writer's block, because I have been writing on other platforms randomly...so yes I can still write thank you. I think the problem is that this blog has fulfilled the purpose for which it  was created in the first place.

I was in a dark place and since the only way I'd ever known how to find release/light  was through writing, I decided to find a place where all my worries/issues could be highlighted without fear of criticism or nosey people calling me to 'explain' what I meant, like I was getting from facebook friends whenever I wrote a 'note' on facebook.

This blog helped me alot to talk about things annoymously that normally I wouldn't tell anyone. After all I am that friend that has her sh*t together, the one who always had the sound advice for everyone else with issues, no no no far be it from me to spoil that illusion they had that I was cool, calm and collected like that...far be it from me to have issues of my own...as a matter of fact whenever I tried to bring up an issue, it was usually laughed off like 'this one no serious, it's not true...eh en as we were saying...'

Anyways, Nutty Jay's World helped me alot (2010,2011,2012,2013), not only could I freely talk about my opinions, ideas, struggles, annoyance etc, I could also talk about the past of way way back and lessons I've learnt.

But  '...there's a time and season for everything'. This blog has served it's purpose, and I think that's why I'm struggling to write here these days. I've done alot of growing up and I no longer have reasons to talk about the things I want to talk about anonymously. These days the things I want to write about are not consistent with the original plan and purpose for which this blog was created... it restrains the flow. Nowadays I just do random posting on my facebook notes, other people's blog, facebook pages etc. I plan on opening another blog, or a website (still don't know how to go about the website thing)...but it's still a plan.

Talking about purpose, do you know what yours is? If a common blog had a purpose and has served it's purpose, I'm sure you know you have to find out why you were created to be on this earth, born into the family you were born into, why you are currently where you are now, and what you should be doing per time.

In a totally unrelated issue, I just want to say folks that life is beautiful...yes it is complex, complicated, fun, painful, glorious, joyful, a struggle sometimes but simply beautiful. All the different aspect of life are inter-woven to bring us all to an expected end. So why do we hold on so fiercely to the past? Your mistakes, your heartbreaks, your 'could have been', 'should have been' and 'I wish it went like so' moments? Why do we try to figure things out that we would never get answers to, why do we spend time hoping and wishing  for a second chance to make things right, or maybe this time you will do things differently that will make them treat you right-er than they did before?

People of God there are no second chances in the past.... today is your second chance, tomorrow is your second chance. Don't spend today wishing you did things differently yesterday, because then you will spend tomorrow wishing you had done things differently today. Stop trying to build what God is trying to kill...when you've done all you can and prayed all you can, leave it and move on...we all know when to let go, we just keep deceiving ourselves. Find your purpose in life and pursue it till you fulfill it

God wants to give you beauty for ashes... but you must first give up the ashes, let go of the ashes, stop beating yourself over things you can not change. You cannot receive the beauty if you insist on holding on to the ashes.

Learn from the past, but let go of the past. Do better today, not because you are trying to compensate for yesterday...but because it is the right thing to do.


See you later

Nutty Jay

Saving it for later?

I'm expecting my salary any time soon, and as practical as I am I have done a break down of what and what are already placing demands on the yet to be received salary for this month.

At the end of the calculation I see that there is almost nothing gen gen  remaining. Mind you I have not deducted the underlisted bills:

- Hair do for March
- Nail do for March 
- Washer man bill for February
- Recharge card to use in March 
- Data Bundle Renewal for March (Note that I didn't renew for February)
- Movie nights


The above listed things are very important to me, they seem inconsequential but they are important to keeping me sane(r)

Now why am I saying all these, I had a discussion with a friend recently, a financial guru and after the discussion I felt like I wasn't saving enough for the future or for the good things I could be obtaining in life. I do save mind you, but he made a case that at least 40% of my salary should be saved and I was like: GERROUT OF HERE. I even tried explaining that saving up to 30% was easy for me one time when I had a boyfriend but not so easy these days but he wasn't buying all that.

So I got thinking, is it so easy for people to save 40% of their salary...I mean people without another source of income, or support from family or partner/spouse/etc.

Don't they pay tithe, don't they buy fuel, don't they give offerings, don't they make their hair, don't they buy food stuff and provisions, don't they use gas, don't they give to family members when the need arises, don't they run generator, don't they buy gifts etc... and it doesn't even matter how much they are earning because the more money you earn the more bills you incur since your level of living improves, don't they have fees to pay doesn't matter if its a school fee for self or a course in church or a professional course

So is it just me, or is 40% actually doable? without being stingy and miserly.

Is your salary  enough to live a stable balanced life and still have good money saved up in a bank??

2015...What NOT to do

2015...

Everyone is writing out their new year resolution and 'to do' list and all the motivation that comes in the new year.  Me???? I am mentally writing out my 'not to do list'

We have been taught to count our blessings and name them. Trust me that is one of the best things to do...it gives you a lot to be thankful for. But now let's try a little exercise: Count your pains and name them one by one. Write it out and make it plain. Enough of sweeping everything under the carpet. ...it's good to forgive and forget....However if you don't sit down to access what went wrong to cause you such pain in the first place,  you'll make the same mistakes again and again and the circle of pain will continue endlessly.

I never had the intention of having a 'not-to-do' list...until yesterday when a friend I thought I knew, someone I trusted more than anything taught me a lesson I should have learnt 8 years ago if I had taken time to sit and access the situation and put measures in place.

Fool me once...shame on you. I make the same mistake twice shame on me.


So what am I not doing this year?

1. I am not trusting anyone just because my heart says so. People lie

2. I am not ignoring any hunch I have ever ever again. My hunches are right

3. I'm not going the extra mile for anyone who hasn't and isn't continously going the extra mile for me.

4. I am not going to put a halt in my plans in the pursuit of happiness just because others have a contrary opinion. If it pleases God and it pleases me then I'm doing it

5. I am not going to judge others for being overly careful before making decisions. ...they have learnt this lesson I'm just learning

6. I ain't spending my money on anything that won't bring returns.  I work hard for this money

7. I'm not compromising on my spiritual standards. God is love and He's the only true friend.

8. I'm not compromising on healthy living for anyone, anything and not even for money. God did not bring me this far for me to throw away my health

9. I will not take a backseat this year... I'm so going to wield a lot of influence in every area of my life. When decisions that Wil affect me or others are being made, my voice will be amongst those that will be heard and taken seriously.

10. I'll not be content. This one is subject to your interpretation and anyone you come up with, you are right

11. I will not spice chicken or cook with any ingredient I don't know...just because my aunt recommends it....that ish can mess your kitchen cred big time

12. I will not make out time for anything or anyone that's not making me better or making me money. Forget about making me happy....happiness is overrated. Its what we use in confusing ourselves. That it makes you happy doesnt mean it makes you better. I'm destined for greatness.    


So dear all, as I wish you Happy New Year and pray for More ink to your pens, do tell...what will you NOT DO this year.


Nutty Jay

Empathy- If you can't give it, FAKE IT!!!

EMPATHY: Can simply be defined as understanding what others are feeling because you have experienced it yourself or can put yourself in their shoes.

I don't know if I should call it a skill or an attribute or whatever, but I know people who eventually become great leaders have this quality in abundance, they empathize with others... they relate to people's suffering or pain and share in it, because they can relate based on personal experience, or just the ability to put themselves in the other person's shoes .  It is an ability to recognize the concerns other people have

 It allows us to create bonds of trust, it gives us insights into what others may be feeling or thinking; it helps us understand how or why others are reacting to situations.

I'll show you clearly what I mean with the following illustration:

When a friend calls you full of pain and hurt and disappointment over the latest disappointment in their life and you can visibly and audibly hear the pain in their words and you say something like: 

You:  Wow! na wa o...don't worry dear. You may have to just let that go. I feel your pains
Disappointed Friend: Thank you
You: You are welcome dear. I can imagine how you  feel pissed at the Naija system. It's very annoying
Disappointed Friend: I'm trying to process this shit, so I can excuse it, its so hard mehnnn. I had targets on when I wanted to get this done. I hate this
You: Naija! It is well. Sorry about this. Take it easy. Mehnnnn What will happen now?

Your side of the conversation above can be said to have been emphatizing with the person . You are relating to the pain the person is feeling. 

Now here is how the conversation can also go:

You: Pray about it, something can still happen
Disappointed Friend: It's no use... I've heard from both sides, nothing can be done
You; Wow! Don't worry it's not a waste of time. Just channel your energy into something else. 
Disappointed Friend: It's fine. Okay
You: Yea take a chill pill and suck it in
Disappointed Friend: Leave me alone
You: Can't do that, we are in this together. it's the situation we find ourselves in...if we can't do anything about it we look for other options. yes time is no friend to anyone...feeling bad and sulking won't change anything. Therefore we pick ourselves up and roll with plan B. It's life
Disappointed Friend: I know you mean well... but your words, this is not the time for it
You: Sorry, I don't know how to be soft, it's the reality. If you do this again in August, it doesn't make you less professional than the next person. Pick up the next plan on your list and move ahead. 

Your side of the conversation above cannot be said to have any iota of empathy or even sympathy... as a matter of fact you have just sounded very selfish and full of yourself, you've made the episode about yourself and your opinion! Because you see, there is a time and a season for everything, including your opinion!!!! Keep your opinions for a later time when the person is not so heartbroken or near tears or disappointed. Keep it for the next brain storming session you both have.

Your opinion is a good one no doubt...but you sound like an asshole when you don't know exactly when to shut the hell up!!! Don't dismiss their concerns offhand. Don't rush to give advice. Don't change the subject. Allow people their moment!!!


Phew! Can you relate?



Nutty Jay

Efe & Tochi- To love again

Efe was raised in Nigeria, schooled in UNIBEN, worked with SAIPEM Lagos, handsome, God fearing, hard working, focused young man. After his second year with SAIPEM he met Tochi, a student of Convenant university, pursued her, and soon after started dating her. She was in 300 Level.

Efe was in love, and when he is in love he is in love. He is not the type to womanize, he doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke. He did all the things a boyfriend would do financially, morally, sexually, etc for his girl. They dated till she graduated, served, and after her service she went to Canada to pursue a Masters degree. Efe supported this move, because he is an over achiever himself and he encourages anything that makes those associated with him progress. So she went and  from Nigeria he did everything possible to support her, kept the conversation going, sends money in hard currency to cater for some things she wanted...monthly basis. Never stopped calling, got a visa and was to travel to visit her on his next leave.

Long story short, over a silly quarrel on phone she called off the relationship, did not agree to all his plea, plus the plea by his family member. She left him. She damaged him emotionally for his next girlfriend and the next. He was never the same again emotionally.

A year six months  later he quit his job, got admission into a university in Singapore to study for his masters

Six months into his study (thats like two years after the break up) she's been calling and begging to come back, she's sorry...truely sorry and wants a chance. Her family has been calling to beg too, he said it's not possible because he feels nothing any longer for her. She asked to come see him...after much persuasion he agreed and she has travelled down to his country and has been there for a week now. She stays in a hotel, he visits her, takes her out, hasn't shagged or kissed her so that he doesn't give her false hope.


The following conversation took place today:

Me: So how are you guys now, emotionally

Him: We are good I guess. She wants to come back visiting in February (this visit is from Canada to Singapore)

Me: You...how are you in it

Him: Just normal, but we talk better now

Me: You think there is hope for you both?

Him: Honestly can't say for now, we are good friends with mutual respect...but I think she is truely sorry, however I am a tough nut. Maybe in the future her genuiness will be proven, but at the moment, nothing

Me: It doesn't work like that dear
Me: You are making it sound like a business deal... I'll give you two options how it goes in real life, you can pick one

Scenerio 1: 'I like her, and if she is really sorry about what went down in the past, then I would give this a try, because I'm sure I will love her again. So lets see how it goes'

Scenario 2: I like her, and she's really sorry about what went down in the past, but nah... I don't want to be with her anymore. it doesn't matter...all I can give her now or ever is just friendship 

Me: Do you get? it is not a function of how sorry or not she is, or if she is genuine or not. It is a function of you and what you want and are willing to risk for it. If not you will always be close to the exit door, always watching and waiting to see if she will slip again. And that's not right

Him: I like her no doubt, but we will be better as friends

Me: Then don't keep hope alive, If you encourage her to come back in February, you are keeping hope alive

Him: Her decision, not mine

Me: Efe, please be reasonable, this is your decision. Stand in her shoes, not everyone is as emotionally stable as you, or practical

Him: Well I tried discouraging her from coming back, she said she likes singapore and spending two weeks in february isn't a bad idea. Its her call

Me: You should have experience by now that girls talk alot of things but mean something else entirely

Him: At this point I can't influence her decision, I honestly I have spoken to her about it. 

Me: Think about it, if you are not in Singapore in February, will she come? It's not about Singapore, its you she is coming to see you

Him: Well I know, she is trying to work her way back, if she comes and remains disappointed I'm sure she will give up

Me: Is there a way back? If there is a way back no problem, let her try. But if there is no way back, save her the agony. Stop it Efe, what is wrong with you.

Him: Make we leave Tochi matter, its not an issue to deliberate on

Me: Not my issue to deliberate on...because really you might be saying one thing and feel something else that you are not acknowledging. So while I'm here worrying about her, she may have sensed a promise for the future and won't be disappointed after all. Your life, her life..totally not my business.


Question

1. What the heck is he doing? Is he really going to let her keep travelling up and down to try and salvage the situation, making her hope something will come of her endeavours especially since he knows theres no way they will ever have happily ever after? Isn't that wickedness somehow?

2. Is he just putting up a front and saying one thing whereas he feels another thing? And maybe he secretly  hopes they work out.


I used to think I understood how guys think and do their stuff....but this is totally out of my league. Maybe because Efe has never been like the regular guys out there, he isn't all about sex and the next available girl. He is very straight forward and go gets whatever he wants...so I can't understand what he is doing. I hate to think he is being wicked on purpose...deliberately leading her on.

So maybe it's a guy thing and someone can make me understand better... I can't rest joor... he's my favourite person and I don't want to think he is being callous

What do you guys think...

Scandal- What the hell?

I don't understand what Shonda RHIMES hopes to achieve by the twists and turns in Scandal and what exactly is her opinion of us the viewers.

Today I watched Episode 5 Season 4... yeah I know, stealing company's time, watching a movie while acting like I'm working.  It happens sometimes

But I'm so upset. Who the hell does Commander think he is to mess people's life like he does? Infact I'm tired of these sick characters in the movie:

Olivia POPE: Stupid black girl in love with a man she will never have, the cause of every single thing that has gone wrong in the life of every single person in that movie. Deceived time and time again by her father, and yet will not learn that he is a monster. Endangering the life of those she cares about because she can't see past her stupid love for Fitz. Serious Daddy issues she has...

President FITZ:  The biggest fool of all

Jake BALLARD: In love with a woman that cannot seem to stop loving a man she can never be with. Endangering his life trying to 'save' her from herself... Aproko that won't just leave things alone. Happy to be second in Olivia's heart. He gets an opportunity to tell the president everything during the interrogation but instead of just talking and spilling everything whether the president wan hear or not, he dey taunt the man about him having sex with Olivia on the Island. The fool deserves to die for even daring to threaten Commander.

Commander:  Ha... Commander who also happens to be Olivia's father is the only one who seems to know what he is doing!!! Wicked as ever, winning the election for the president because it's what Olivia wants, but killing the President's son to achieve it... then blaming Jake for it. After he had blamed Olivia's mother for it. Old evil calculating son o a... arghhhh

Millie:  Madam First Lady, nothing more. Jealous of Olivia...still


Shonda RHIMES, come on... I'm beginning to feel foolish watching Scandal, it's becoming more annonying than intriguing. It started out being intriguing...now it's getting too obvious and annoying. Your characters have too much sense to be doing the things you are making them do in Season 4. BALLARD isn't a fool, you are making him seem like one. Olivia isn't a fool, she fixes problems and so she knows always when things don't add up...but apparently she's believing her father's lies. You are distorting the Olivia we all know and love and turning her into a senseless woman too blinded by love to fix things.

Stop insulting our intelligence... or kuku round up the movie if you don tire to think. And why the hell is Cyrus sleeping with a prostitute, and Abby the Abby who was Olivia's right hand, who knew how to get things done when she was a gladiator, why have you made Abby seem like a fish swimming in the sea of the White House, starry eyed, grateful  if the president passes her a compliment and running around like a chicken wanting to be like Olivia. Abby??? Oh come on *groans in pain* 

Hain!!!

Mscheew

The pursuit of money!!!!

Ah ha! Money. Let's talk about money. So I was sitting still the other day, on monday I think, viewing my account statement for September and it struck me like lightening that the only inflow I had for the entire month was the salary inflow. The same happened in August.... no daddy deposit, no mummy deposit, no sugar/honey deposit, no friend or family deposit, no enemy deposits sef...and I literarily felt like crying. I used to have people just credit my account for no reason sometimes...they tell me to just take for fine-girl-up-keep. Now for two months no 'dash'. I couldn't risk checking July statement for fear that it's the same. 

I began to think of other avenues to make money. This waking up 4pm because of work thingy isn't something I want to still be doing when I'm in my 40s nah...and I got thinking, and was thinking hard (yea I try to make sure I squeeze at least 30mins everyday to shut every noise and just think, one hour at most) and it hit me that I am not very business inclined. I am more of a structured environment/office kinda work girl. This is a worrisome thing to know because shouldn't we all aspire to have businesses on the side? The irritating question I get asked often when I wonder aloud about this is: 'JAY What do you like doing'?

Seriously? What sort of question is that... okay I like:

1. Eating

2. I like writing

3. I like the guy of the moment

4. I like fixing people's work issues

5. I like teaching/mentoring  (What I know though about work related stuff)

6. I like cake

7. I like driving

8. I like fast cars

9. I like gazing at fine men

10. I like gazing at fine ladies

11. I like organizing other people's life

12. I like helping people find solution to their issues

Mind you that list is in no particular order

But the question is how the heck am I supposed to start a business with any of these likes???  And then I get confused, and I stop thinking, and then I allow my mind wander away from my confused thoughts and turn them towards the 8am- 6pm job...that I get to the office at 6:15am for and get home by 9pm sometimes 10pm if the road is experiencing major traffic , and I thank God that I have a better job than the last job where they enjoy owing staff salary, and refuse to pay vendors too (May God forgive my ex employers) 

But I don't know mehnnnnn.... I really need another source of income. I'm at that age where I need multiple streams of income. 

Happy Belated Independence Day

Nutty Jay

Seeking My Love For Life

So just when i prayed to God to give me a heart to love and receive love, I had my prayers answered and a month later I find my self loving and being loved by two (2) guys. 

Not two bastards, or one good guy and one bastard, nah....two responsible good men that love me without question. 

This past month I've been at a place where I feel like either God is playing a practical joke on me or the devil just wants to set me up. 

There is EP who i met first and on LinkedIn. ..He is Nigerian,  worked six years in the banking industry and decided to go further his studies abroad...We've never met in person but we bridge the gap by skyping,  chatting, phone calls etc regardless of the 9 hours time difference. He is good looking, intelligent, principled, doesn't drink or smoke or womanize, so focused on his career and all he wants to achieve. He is the kind of person that commits and doesn't look back except by a divine intervention. He does have a sense of humor too. 70% of our conversation centres around work, school, work, future ambition and work. I think that's okay...right? He is the kind of guy I've always looked for, someone whose own ambitions go side by side mine and who drives me to be better. As in I leave every conversation with him with a determination to be better. And I do better. He is good at reading my every mood, encouraging me, he is a great guy like that. He has made plans to come visiting in November, and when he rounds up in May he will relocate back to Nigeria full time. EP is 31 years old 

Exactly one month later I met Cee...okay that's not entirely true. I've known him for two years, but in passing, we take the same courses together...but I only began talking to him July 5th 2014...at a party we both attended.  What can I tell you about CEE... He is good looking, intelligent, focused, tender hearted... oh so tender hearted and its scary how we think alike and almost always talk alike and have same likes and dislikes. I don't get tired of talking to him... I can see him 26 hours of every 24hour day and I still want to see more of him. I get jealous sometimes over him...but it is a pure friendship...one devoid of lust, or anything of such. For once in a very long time I actually worry about another person's welfare daily...the way he cares about me and wants to do everything to make me happy is something you can see he is not faking, how he wants to know my opinion about certain things etc. I talk with CEE and I can tell him anything, Something happens or does not happen I want to call CEE and tell him, just exactly as he does with me. And we help each other with work, he is also a Human Resource Executive. Cee is a man with a purpose and a future and he acts like I am the best thing that has happened to him for a long time. There is an innocence to the way he lives life. CEE is 30 years old

MISGIVINGS

1. EP strikes me as the kind of person who hardly tolerate short comings in any form... and its kinda scary to know I always have to be on my 'A' game or else I would wear off his heart or woreva. Like if the thing might slow him down or he feels it might complicate his best laid plans, he would rather just stay away from such things... I don't know mehnnn maybe its my imagination

2. CEE just got out of an Eight year relationship, yeah he is that kind of one woman together forever guy. First she broke up with him early last year and they made up in December 2013, only for her to say she's really not ready for marriage and then broke  up with him in May 2014.  He swears his affections for me isn't a rebound, I want to believe this... but....

Conclusion

Both men make me happy I cannot lie, both men are making future together ever after plans for me, both men connect with me intellectually and I an see its not about wanting to sleep with me. 

Of recent I talk more with CEE, maybe because he is in Lagos Nigeria with me and we are on the same time zone or maybe because we share too much in common. Nevertheless I can't use that to judge because really the playing field is not even, considering the fact that EP doesn't have the same amount of time CEE has (its a nine hours time difference). 

By the way I am not playing any of them, I told CEE that there is EP who I met before him and who is crazy about me, and I told EP about being distracted of recent. Both of them are still friends to me... I haven't committed to anyone biko don't judge me. 

One reason I am not committing to any of these guys is because I really am not ready to make a mistake. I'm not some starry eyed teenager looking for 'The love of my life' only... nah what I want is 'A love for life'. 

People of blogsville... how do you decide that he or she is the one for you, how do you know the one you let go isn't the one you should have chosen? I used to think I had experience in such matters, but this time, I am completely lost and I don't want to make this kind of decision based only on my emotions. 

Help!! Because I just might run away from the both of them. 

*sad face*

Nutty Jay. 

SUPERMAN IS THE SUPER HERO- NOT SUPER WOMAN

Today I am sleepy, I have been sleepy since I woke up, I am not working at normal capacity today because my body, mind and spirit has done nothing else except think of sleep of day. I'm practically fighting to stay awake.  On days like this I thank God I am a super woman with super powers.

Now why is my body screaming for sleep? Its because I tend to forget that even superwoman is first and foremost a woman, she's human and she  is made up of flesh and blood. So I joyfully wake up 4am, leave the house 5:30am drive to work in an hours traffic, leave the office 8pm drive back in 2 hours traffic; get home 10pm, chat chat chat and chat on BBM with different people and skype when I can with Australia, then sleep like 11:30pm or 12midnight...to wake again by 4am

Is this wise? NO

Is this profitable? Dunno

Do I do this everyday? Mostly

Do I think I can do it all? YES

Who do I think I am? Superwoman

You know that thing that makes you feel you can do everything and anything and you have the strength to also take on other people's worries for them, add it to yours and help them worry and fix their issues, and still go about doing all your own stuff? I don't know the name for it, but I know that's the thing that makes you a mother of all but a friend of none. The burden bearer, the sabi sabi that people only remember when they have issues and after you have sorted it out for them they go about their merry lives and forget you while you get sucked in to the next problem to fix...thus you are always busy, never have the time to just chill with normal people, people without issues avoid you because guess what? you can't even talk normal and this is due to the fact that you always have a superior or better opinion about everything even in a playful conversation. You try to fix everyone and anyone you meet... We know people like this right? Irritating and very annoying people!!! For heaven's sake your opinion is not always needed....arggggghhhhhh shut up 

NUTTY JAY will you allow yourself become like this? Heck NO 

You sure? I'm sure. 

There really is nothing wrong in being a damsel in distress once in a while you know?  You are so right

Why didn't I think of that 

Merci Beaucoup

Why You Must Marry Before You Begin to Age Like Milk

...hahahaha...okay those are not my words, some guy I used to know actually put some ish up on his blackberry PM that said '...I'm tired of all these lagos girls that age like milk'. That was the day I began to unlike him

The reason for this post is to highlight the advantages of marrying early. All my female readers, especially those  below the age of 26, kindly take note

1. No heeediot will indirectly tell you that you are aging like milk

2. No family member will abuse you saying 'your shakara too much, you never really ready to settle yet' all because you refused to date a man without a job one aunt is trying to match make  you with

3. Your single status will not be the prayer point in every family function

4. You will not be at the office from 6:30am till 8:30pm because there is no one to go home to

5. You will not be doing character check every time you have a smart retort for some nonsense some man has spewed from his mouth all in the name of 'be polite, you never know if he is the one'

6. You will not be abused for uploading pictures of yourself  by friends and family who point it out to you that your married friends upload pictures of their family members while you are busy posing on your dp alone

7. You will not go home after a hard day's work to a cold and empty house with no one to share the experience of your day with

8. You will not mentally count your remaining eggs after every monthly flow... *coughs*

9. You will not be the one in the family they tell 'my daughter will soon be too big to be your little bride ooo' 

10. You will not be the one people greet every time they see you with a hand shake and words of  'this year is your year, we will come and eat your rice'

The list is endless, but ladies... let me share one more thing with you. If you start dating a guy hoping it will melt into marriage all well and good, if you are 25 and under.  But for those above this age and are facing serious pressure from friends and family and from movies gan, and you really are ready to enter into the beautiful world of marriage, you don't have time for such 'either or' games where you are testing waters. Simple question to ask after the fifth date is this: ARE YOU THE ONE WE ARE WAITING FOR OR SHOULD WE EXPECT ANOTHER?

You know more advantages of marrying early in Nigeria? Please share with us

Happy Weekend :)

Nutty Jay