Efe was raised in Nigeria, schooled in UNIBEN, worked with SAIPEM Lagos, handsome, God fearing, hard working, focused young man. After his second year with SAIPEM he met Tochi, a student of Convenant university, pursued her, and soon after started dating her. She was in 300 Level.
Efe was in love, and when he is in love he is in love. He is not the type to womanize, he doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke. He did all the things a boyfriend would do financially, morally, sexually, etc for his girl. They dated till she graduated, served, and after her service she went to Canada to pursue a Masters degree. Efe supported this move, because he is an over achiever himself and he encourages anything that makes those associated with him progress. So she went and from Nigeria he did everything possible to support her, kept the conversation going, sends money in hard currency to cater for some things she wanted...monthly basis. Never stopped calling, got a visa and was to travel to visit her on his next leave.
Long story short, over a silly quarrel on phone she called off the relationship, did not agree to all his plea, plus the plea by his family member. She left him. She damaged him emotionally for his next girlfriend and the next. He was never the same again emotionally.
A year six months later he quit his job, got admission into a university in Singapore to study for his masters
Six months into his study (thats like two years after the break up) she's been calling and begging to come back, she's sorry...truely sorry and wants a chance. Her family has been calling to beg too, he said it's not possible because he feels nothing any longer for her. She asked to come see him...after much persuasion he agreed and she has travelled down to his country and has been there for a week now. She stays in a hotel, he visits her, takes her out, hasn't shagged or kissed her so that he doesn't give her false hope.
The following conversation took place today:
Me: So how are you guys now, emotionally
Him: We are good I guess. She wants to come back visiting in February (this visit is from Canada to Singapore)
Me: You...how are you in it
Him: Just normal, but we talk better now
Me: You think there is hope for you both?
Him: Honestly can't say for now, we are good friends with mutual respect...but I think she is truely sorry, however I am a tough nut. Maybe in the future her genuiness will be proven, but at the moment, nothing
Me: It doesn't work like that dear
Me: You are making it sound like a business deal... I'll give you two options how it goes in real life, you can pick one
Scenerio 1: 'I like her, and if she is really sorry about what went down in the past, then I would give this a try, because I'm sure I will love her again. So lets see how it goes'
Scenario 2: I like her, and she's really sorry about what went down in the past, but nah... I don't want to be with her anymore. it doesn't matter...all I can give her now or ever is just friendship
Me: Do you get? it is not a function of how sorry or not she is, or if she is genuine or not. It is a function of you and what you want and are willing to risk for it. If not you will always be close to the exit door, always watching and waiting to see if she will slip again. And that's not right
Him: I like her no doubt, but we will be better as friends
Me: Then don't keep hope alive, If you encourage her to come back in February, you are keeping hope alive
Him: Her decision, not mine
Me: Efe, please be reasonable, this is your decision. Stand in her shoes, not everyone is as emotionally stable as you, or practical
Him: Well I tried discouraging her from coming back, she said she likes singapore and spending two weeks in february isn't a bad idea. Its her call
Me: You should have experience by now that girls talk alot of things but mean something else entirely
Him: At this point I can't influence her decision, I honestly I have spoken to her about it.
Me: Think about it, if you are not in Singapore in February, will she come? It's not about Singapore, its you she is coming to see you
Him: Well I know, she is trying to work her way back, if she comes and remains disappointed I'm sure she will give up
Me: Is there a way back? If there is a way back no problem, let her try. But if there is no way back, save her the agony. Stop it Efe, what is wrong with you.
Him: Make we leave Tochi matter, its not an issue to deliberate on
Me: Not my issue to deliberate on...because really you might be saying one thing and feel something else that you are not acknowledging. So while I'm here worrying about her, she may have sensed a promise for the future and won't be disappointed after all. Your life, her life..totally not my business.
1. What the heck is he doing? Is he really going to let her keep travelling up and down to try and salvage the situation, making her hope something will come of her endeavours especially since he knows theres no way they will ever have happily ever after? Isn't that wickedness somehow?
2. Is he just putting up a front and saying one thing whereas he feels another thing? And maybe he secretly hopes they work out.
I used to think I understood how guys think and do their stuff....but this is totally out of my league. Maybe because Efe has never been like the regular guys out there, he isn't all about sex and the next available girl. He is very straight forward and go gets whatever he wants...so I can't understand what he is doing. I hate to think he is being wicked on purpose...deliberately leading her on.
So maybe it's a guy thing and someone can make me understand better... I can't rest joor... he's my favourite person and I don't want to think he is being callous
What do you guys think...