Hi..its been a while. I've just been a tad lazy and been postponing blogging.
Anyways I had an interesting convo with a guy who has been asking me out for over a year now...and what struck me as odd was when he said:
''so i had to let you be you know...I couldn't stand the fact that I love you but you were loving someone else''
''How did u come to the conclusion that I was loving someone else'' I asked
''Wasn't it obvious... if you couldn't love me, then it means you love someone else''
Okay I don't really understand this and I'm not gonna try and imagine what he was thinking...my brain cells are just not functioning well this evening*. But it got me thinking questioning myself: would I willingly fold my hands and watch someone I love and want for a relationship go just because 'I guess' he is in love with someone else?
What happens to finding out and making sure first. The worse that can happen is a NO. Really if he had persisted I wouldn't have dated him for some reasons....now I'm single again I still wont date him for those same reasons. Come to think of it I met him the period when I wasn't even dating anyone.
Now that kind of laid back attitude in a man, I find very annoying. And it makes me think that such a one would have such an attitude in other areas of life. I'm not saying go on a 'snatching of boyfriend/girlfriend' spree... but how about you check to see if you can get what you want. What would you lose? I have heard too many 'NO' in my life to be afraid of rejection... I have seen too many 'could have'...' would have'...'should have' to be afraid to try...
Alot of people wanted me to wait and get another man before I left my relationship. I could have done that...but that is not me. I cannot use one man to forget another...its not just in me to do that, besides I dont use people like that and it would hurt me if I'm used to get over someone else. But most importantly I am not afraid to be alone.
Now my point is we all have our fears. Alot of people are afraid of a lot of things
- Being Alone
And its all good... I have my fears too. But the only way you can over come these fears is to put a name to your fear...when you name it you can defeat it. Dont tell me the reason you cant get that girl is because 'she is in a relationship' until she tells you to back off, you have no right to assume she is in a committed relationship. That is just your fear of rejection talking. Its the same fear of rejection that wont allow such a person apply for a promotion and would rather be in that unfulfilled position in the office when he knows he is better qualified.
Its the fear of being alone that makes young men and women suffer in silence in an abusive relationship because anything is better than being alone...call it as it is, dont say its because ''he has his moments''
One fear I have is of being a 'failure'...I recognize it creeping in when there are things I need to do and I'm not certain if I'll succeed or not and that stupid voice says:
Jay you don't need that...what chu wanna go doing that for
And I'll pause and think hell ya..why I wanna be risking that, its not like its a life and death thing
and so I make excuses and don't take the risk I should take...missing out on so many opportunities because I want a clean record of ''Nutty J doesn't fail'' BULLSHIT...not trying is failing on its own
It continued like this until I sat down to recognized what I was doing, how I was allowing fear keep me in a place called 'good enough'. The day it dawned on me was the day I put a face to my fears...and now I recognize it when it comes. I don't take stupid risks...but at least I'm no longer afraid to dare. It doesnt mean I have succeeded all the time, no I have failed sometimes...but at least now I can learn from the mistakes and get better. And I know on my death bed...some 60yrs from now...I will know that there was nothing I wanted that I didnt go for...If I fail, if I succeed at least I tried my best...I live as I believe and that is 'go ahead...you go ahead and dont stop'
Now I reserve my fears for healthy things to be afraid of like:
- Living a reckless life
- Sleeping under the rain..lol
- Fear (yes ooo... I fear FEAR)
Anyways here is a quote I like by Dr Ben Carson:
Successful people dont have fewer problems. They have determined that nothing will stop them from going forward.
* I wrote this yesterday evening.