Monday, April 19, 2010

Be yourself?

“Be yourself!!”

‘’Do not pay attention to what society thinks’’

Okay if u are in the category of people who hear that and go:

‘yeah!! that’s right, be yourself’

You can now repeat after me: B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T…yeah I said so, Total BS.

I belong to the category that think, yes…do as you please, don’t think of society, be your own person…but now I’m beginning to see that society,whether you ignore it or not, finds its way to our bosoms and thinks plenty of us. And I’m going to talk about it from the relationship point of view (as usual)

Have you noticed that there is an unwritten game I like to term ‘the relationship game’….that is widely accepted in a relationship? That is if you want it to work…lemme give u a typical example:

Treat a man well, pay him attention and show him how much he means to you…in no time he will be bored and be screaming ‘’next please ‘, but if you hold back your feelings and treat him like shit, he’ll want to prove himself hence will keep showing you love. So in essence hold back…keep him chasing.

This game existed when I was in school…I played the game (not intentionally) not because I wanted to keep anyone interested, but I was hardly ever ‘in love’ (except once) in any of the relationships I got into…hence it was easy to treat him/them like ‘shit’ and true true….till today those men are still hot for me…

Now why I’m I talking about this…? I’ll tell u…after giving the relationship thing some 2 point something yrs space, I come back and see nothing has changed. I get a lot of:

‘’Nutty, we know u are a honest be yourself and try not to show too much of how u feel…guys get bored easily that way’’ (huh?)

‘’keep him guessing girl…don’t say this unless he has done that, don’t do this unless he has said that’’

''Down play how you feel, that way he'll remain interested''


How is this being ‘myself’???? This is fraud…lying about how I feel, or down playing it or not showing it as far as I’m concerned is FRAUD. And I’ve never felt comfortable with fraud. What they say is true…at least it was true some yrs back…but how d heck does doing all this qualify as being ‘yourself’

The game works…whether its dictated by society is not relevant, what is relevant is that it works…but when will it end?

Why can’t two people who are in love, express love…if their idea of expressing love is painting their name in the sky and talking to each other on phone every two minutes…why can’t they? Why wont it work like this? Men una de vex me oh… this is BS…what do u mean by getting bored because we show u love? pshceeew!!

‘’Be yourself’’
, ‘don’t care what society says’ etc may be all well and good….but what about when society is right? Do u still go ahead and ‘be yourself’ and risk losing the relationship or do you listen to ‘society’ and play the game….then live with the knowledge that you are a fraud?

Long thing.



  1. My dear for some strange reason your ULR has changed and I have 2 Nutty jennifers on my page. How body? Thanks for visiting my page.

    I totally agree with youon the being yourself thingy. One should accept me the way I am. Shortcomings, warts and all :)

  2. i donno know...I was playing around my blog and I dont know 'pressed' or 'touched' or 'clicked' But u can delete from ur blog 'Diary of Nutty J"

    ah han....I always visit ur blog na...u and Razz chick (mgbeke) were d first blogs i followed

  3. Was looking for u men...thanks for letting me know on my blog...

    i've never known how to front or play games...even my mum complained to me one time, she thot i was talking to a boy so soon after we met....well i'm not with the boy now so maybe she was right.... but then again the guy i'm with now...same thing no fronting, just went right into how we feel, i can only pray it works...

    so i understand where people come from, the fear is that you are not looked upon as easy...but hey if its all talk and i'm not sleeping with him am i still easy?

    with that said i'm a big proponent of just do you

  4. Yup... its still that crazy game of societal stereotypes... "Play hard to get" etc, and not forgetting all the double standards that comes along with them as well... I think we are so shaped by how society wants us to behave that even a simple "Be yourself" phrase as you pointed out is an intended pun... we think we are being ourselves... and yet we are only being as society wants us to be... *Sigh* Its really hard to break free because in all my r/ships with diff ppl, i find myself wondering why i am masking how I really feel... the truth is that society makes us be afraid of revealing the truth, it loves the condiment of lies... phew! God help us be true! lol.

  5. oooo and p.s... yes you are right, the link to your blog from my list doesn't work, but from your name does work... Did u change ur url name?

  6. I'm with you. The whole thing about playing hard to get (and all the other relationship 'games'), stems from the roles that women are supposed to have in relationships.

    I don't believe in lies/fronting/testing a man to see how much he likes me before telling/showing my mutual feelings. If it's there, let him know. If not, adios. It's that simple. And all of this can happen before a first kiss sef, so there's no opportunity for him to pull the 'she's the easiest I ever had' card.

  7. Me I don't know about "showing love" cos ideally you should show love all the time…just like a smothering,over doting mother…women can be over the top with the love ish…my own motto on relationship ish is…be yourself at all times…"what I won't accept from you as a rich man,I will refuse it even as a pauper"...I'm not saying don't pay extra attention,afterall this is a unique relationship between two people...but there must be a almost kills me when girls bend over backwards to please a man...A man that will hang with you will hang regardless of what you do...that is not to say you shouldn't make an effort but it must be balanced!I will tell myself to cut me some slack! :)

  8. Once upon a time (as students) the 'fronting' was the main challenge and zeal to push on.

    Now (when studentry era is past), she 'fronts' he simply closes the door. Who wants to invest in pouring 'water' in a 'basket'?

  9. No Limit: GBAM!!! you spoke well

    Rethots: So it means guys wud really prefare a lady who is open and honest about her feelings...and wouldnt take it for granted...ya?


Say it as you mean it... I can take it