The Need To Be Who You Are

Do you have people in your life who just dont get you? They just cant understand your need to be you...in order to co-exist successfully with them, they would rather have you dumb it down a bit....you know, dim your light a bit.

Don't settle for such people... who ever likes you should be able to love you the way you are... we all have one life...and its in God's hand. The need to be who you are in this life is all that matters. Don't let anyone rob you of this all in the name of acceptance...

Here is an advise my friend gave me recently:

''...na you sabi were e dey pinch you so y allow 'world people' to control you? What makes you think their views on you will get you to the destination you seek?
Just be you and keep flying! Abi you think success comes to those who don't take risks? who are too dumb? who keep seeking for approval first?? shy, reticent, fearful, timid people wandering 'what will Mena think of me' first thing in the morning, throughout the day and last thing at night? tufiakwa

think am na, The people that TRULY want your progress are few and far between cus they want it for themselves. Ever heard of PHD (pull him/her down?) aka the crab mentality??word!

Please the only person you should look up to is your God and Creator emphasis on 'your' cus it seems people have different gods they are worshiping'.


Imma leave you with this song by Glady's Knight o jare... Have a good weekend

Nigeria @ 50- Day 16- Arise O Compatriots!!

Nigeria @ 50. Day 15 Fumms http://www.funms-funms.blogspot.com/

Independence day I was at home...what with bombs flying up and down that morning, I didnt want to be caught unawares...christmas is around the corner you know. Thus I was nearby to hear what people had to say about Nigeria on TV...going up and down the house eating one junk to the other, one eye on the TV and another eye on the fried rice I was making (yelz na...fried rice is almost green and Nigeria is green...patriotism) until one woman on TV said ''I am Nigerian but dont ask me if I'm a proud Nigerian becos I am not and never have been proud of Nigeria''

Arise O compatriots, Nigeria's call obey...to serve our father's land with love and strength and faith. How did we manage to sing the National Anthem without getting the true meaning? Many of us are like that woman...but how do we get off thinking like that? Nigeria is messed up we say...but can you stand up and point an edifice tagged NIGERIA? from where you stand can you point and say: take left, turn right keep going and you'll see this great structure called Nigeria...hm-mm your answer is as good as mine...there is no structure like that...you and I are the Nigeria we most often times are not proud of. Nigeria is messed up? Then bravo!!! so are you... ''I'm not proud of Nigeria!!'' Good...it just means you are not proud of YOURSELF. Its wake up time people...its time we arise and heed the call to serve our father's land.


Lets play a game now, shall we...I want you to name one thing you have done for your country to bring about positive change...it could be anything so long as it has helped Nigeria one way or the other...make a mental list of them and imma not talking about you tweeting and raising issues of 15 kidnapped children on facebook while your friends comment and condemn Goodluck Jonathan. I'm talking about you doing something for Nigeria that has made Nigeria a better place....*please submit list after the class*. But just in case you don't have that list...this is what you and I can do:

- We could serve Nigeria with love, L-O-V-E that comes from deep within your heart...a love that doesn't grow weary even when you are disappointed.

- We are to serve with strength...don't sit on your arse becos you love Nigeria...that is not enough, back up your love with action. Start with you...be the change you want Nigeria to be...then move from there by affecting your environment positively...Nigeria is corrupt? then don't encourage corruption by turning a blind eye when you see it happening. Nigeria is lawless? Then teach your kids how to wait in line to use the men's room instead of urinating behind the bush...teach them how to respect road users....raise them to respect the law.

- We need to serve with faith, in such a way that even when you don't see immediate result, you still believe, becos you know that soon very soon your hard work would yield fruits. That is faith...evidence of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. There can be miracles, when you believe....though hope is frail, its hard to kill

Remember that The labour of our hero's past shall never be in vain...all those who died in the fight for a better Nigeria...who fought with their might, intellect and resources...do not let their fight be in vain by sitting there doing nothing. Pick up from where they left of. Just incase you do not know, our leadership is a reflection of us...so don't talk of equity and fairness when your hands are idle. If you think our leaders are corrupt, then you get off your behind and take a stand....be the incorruptibly leader...enough of leaving it in the hands of those you term 'corrupt'...go forth and be at the helms of affair..if not you then who?

Keep in mind that in our pursuit of a better Nigeria, a time would come where we get discouraged and frustrated and threatened and weary and mocked, a time would come where your might would fail you and your zeal would dwindle....this is the time were you let your heart keep you going...when you feel like you don't have the strength anymore, when your morale is at zero level.....let your heart carry you on....let what you feel deep down for the cause carry you on...no body said it would be easy...but still we will be here to serve with heart and might

And no matter your zone or tribe and ethnicity we are One nation bound in freedom, peace and unity, so forget all those talk of zoning and majority and minority, at this age we should know better...no matter how crazy it gets, don't ever forget that we are one

I'm supposed to write about the nation Nigeria...but there would be no nation without the people who make up the nation...you and I...believing in ourselves, believing in Nigeria...believing we can make the difference.

Who knows what miracles, you can achieve When you believe, somehow you will, You will when you believe.

Oh God of creation, please direct our noble cause....Guide our leaders right...and Help our youth the truth to know. Amen





Next on Nigeria @ 50. Day 17 Rayo http://www.all4words.blogspot.com/

Miss Independent

When Neyo sang ‘Miss Independent’, he probably didn’t envisage women all over the world tagging themselves as ‘Miss Independent’. Nice title that is anyway, but in my opinion it takes more than having a good paying job, the right connections, rolling with the cream de la cream of society…and singing the ‘Miss Independent’ lyrics to make you deserve that title. Being Miss Independent also entails having control over your emotions and keeping it in check. And this is the part most women fail to understand.

Women these days are always either hung over one dude or the other, or going from one bad relationship to the next bad relationship …it’s getting to a point where I just want to disable my email to stop me from receiving a ‘what did I do wrong this time’ mail. Like seriously girl it’s not about what you did wrong, it’s about what you didn’t do right, it’s about how you consciously or unconsciously allow yourself to be victims all the time…it’s about giving men the power to hurt you.

Many of us spend a lot of time, energy and resources trying to keep the men we should be letting go of. For some of us its how we have grown to believe it is, considering how our mothers told us time and time again that ‘’A woman should do everything within her power to please her man…so he won’t go looking for love elsewhere’’; while for some others it’s just a desperate attempt to feel needed. Whichever it is, it’s still not going to get you that relationship you have always dreamed about.

Women that go chasing men who are not available emotionally are women who have set themselves up for a fall. The popular and even biblical moral of ‘what you sow you reap’ makes some of us think this would solve all of life worries. Thus where he is emotionally abusive, you give him more attention, where he disrespects you, you give him more love, where he pushes you away, you give him everything you’ve got in the hope that you will reap these back. It may even seem the modern thing to do, giving and giving all of you to keep the man, always available emotionally, physically, financially even when he isn’t. But the truth of the matter is that sowing into the wrong soil is never rewarding. You probably believe that one day he will wake up to realize that you are the right woman for him and become ‘available’. It’s possible…, but it also smells of desperation, and desperation isn’t attractive.

You need to learn to let things go. If you go out with somebody and you both don’t connect - it's fine! Stop looking for ways to make it work. If the other person doesn't feel the same way that you do about him - it's no problem! Let it go. Love is many things, but one thing it isn’t, is unsure. If it is love you will be sure. If you have to spend a lot of time obsessing over it, and analyzing it and questioning ‘does he love me?’ ‘I’m I doing something wrong?’…then you know it isn’t love. If he loves you, he’ll show you that he does and you wouldn’t even have those questions. Don’t sit around waiting by the phone or checking every few minute to see if your sms has been replied. Why are you worrying over someone who doesn’t want to worry over you?

You want to be an Independent Lady? You want to get out of this circle of frustration and disappointment in relationships? Then get a grip… take back the power you have given to men by getting a hold of your life. Go out as often as you want, go to church, join a gym, stop pining, re-connect with your friends, meet incredible men, get into globular dating, i.e. not investing all your time and energy into any ONE man…until you have a ring on your finger from that man you choose.... Stop caring so much, and start moving forward! The minute you start channeling your energy into becoming a better and happier you, the more attractive you become around guys.

Ask the Men, they fall in love for different reasons and one of them is knowing that you know your worth and won’t settle for less all in the name love. You are the price; you are the trophy…if he doesn’t see that then let him go. Stop chasing, stop caring about ‘why’ and start living. That is becoming Emotionally Independent.

And the award for Miss Independent goes to.....

Keep stepping girl....oh and Happy Independence day to you all...kisses to the brothers

One thing pissing me the hell off....

...right now is my Job.

I don tire....as in for real. I am grateful I have a job in Nigeria becos its hard getting a good paying job like this one these days. But this one is really beginning to irritate me.

I cant call it a job...its more like 'work'. I dont want to have to sleep with anyone to get ahead...I dont want to kiss arse to get ahead...I dont want to scheme and tear people down to get ahead...

I'd like to be promoted based on merits....but its taking a longer time and it hurts me to see those whose only professional skill rests in their bossom and "mouth"and rear end, getting ahead while those who just want to do the job to the best of their ability are treated like modern day slaves.

Monday starts and I pray earnestly for friday...I pray for 5pm each day.... I wake by 4am and i'm thinking 'let it rain...let the unions go on strike...let the office not open today'' Just so I have a reason not to go.

I know I should resign right? I mean if I'm praying for public holiday every week then I really shouldnt be in that office. But if you are in Nigeria you know its not as easy as that...there are bills to pay...there is a lifestlye to uphold. And I like money.....

What do I do? I cant think of any skills I have that could make me say ''oh yes imma work for myself'

But I'm just so tired and unhappy with this place. I mean this is where I spend 11 hours and more of my life span everyday....it drains me.... it gives me sleepless nights... it makes me wake up in the middle of the night looking for chocolates or anything sweet to sweeten the thoughts in my head

Chocolate+cake+middle of night+sleep= Fat
Coffee+morning+kitkat+afternooninoffice= Cranky

Fat+Cranky= No normal social life
No normal social life = Unhappy + No normal Boyfriend

Unhappy+ No normal boyfriend =




Heaven please send me someone to love.....

I'm Being Choosy

Yes oooo....my friends think I'm crazy for not wanting to accept a particular marriage proposal. They think I'm being choosy and so far their arguements go thus:

''Girly...you know this guy loves you to pieces''

''Jay...this man is kind and accepts you as you are''

''Nutty what do you want...??? this one wont cheat on you''

And they are right....but there is a tiny weeny problem with this one....I dont trust him. Nah I dont mean he will cheat on me.... I just dont trust him.

Lemme explain... I'm a very practical person and approach things that way. So while I know love is a key function of any marriage...I also know its not enough. This Mister is all they say but his private thoughts gives me pause.

He is a good man yes...but not by my definition.

Being Kind....accepting me as I am and loving me is all well and good. But actually what I'm looking for is a husband who is:

- Committed to growing in his relationship with Christ: im not saying write it boldly on ur forehead....or act holy holy....nah!!! Fall short sometimes no problem....dont be very strong yet no problem....but he needs to love God and be committed to growing in his relationship with God. Not the one that tells me he hasnt been to church in four weeks cos the stress in lagos na wa.


- He should be an individual of Obvious Integrity: ya....but not foolish. I dont want a husband who can be pushed around just becos he is humble. One who is being cheated by friends and family but wont see it cos he believes everyone is good and just. And when I point out the obvious I'm told ''jay calm down, he's my friend and we've come a long way...so if he wants to spoil our friendship by being dishonest then he will lose the friendship' (ya...and a couple of millions too...SMH)


-Someone who can lead boldly, think for theirselves and make sound decision: This is the part were I say I dont trust him. I cant trust a man/woman who makes decisions based on sentiments...who make assumptions based on perceptions. Who wouldnt bother drawing up a contract agreement cos he 'trusts' the verbal argreement he has with his patner. I cannot always be on edge...I cannot marry and always be checking and re-checking decisions made for us by my husband. I need to be able to lean back and know that at least 60% of the time my husband would make sound decisions even if I'm not there.


It may sound minor...but to me its not. Love is important to me...but its not enough. For my sake...from were I'm coming from, from where I'm going to....Love alone with kindness and respect is not enough.

For example if I tell a man who loves me that I may be facing major sugery soon (hip replacement) except God heals me... the next thing...the immediate next thing I want to hear is 'for real?' or ''Is it that bad?'' or ''No....no way Jay, we serve a God...the Balm of Gilead is still alive'' or another response could be ''I hear its expensive...how will you manage that financially''

I expected to hear all that....not:

''ah han...if you go to America for the surgery will you come back to Nigeria? I dont want to lose you and you know I want to kick start marriage next year''

Me: huh???? (I no sure say I hear well)

Him: 'But anyways' he continued like he didnt see my surprised response 'it can be managed...lets do introduction and then you can go and bla bla bla''

I mean was that insecurity? Or was that his biological clock I heard ticking....or did he just panic? Or is there something involved in his haste for marriage that I dont know yet?









either ways....my friends are right. I am being choosy and I have many reasons to be.



N'J