Yes oooo....my friends think I'm crazy for not wanting to accept a particular marriage proposal. They think I'm being choosy and so far their arguements go thus:
''Girly...you know this guy loves you to pieces''
''Jay...this man is kind and accepts you as you are''
''Nutty what do you want...??? this one wont cheat on you''
And they are right....but there is a tiny weeny problem with this one....I dont trust him. Nah I dont mean he will cheat on me.... I just dont trust him.
Lemme explain... I'm a very practical person and approach things that way. So while I know love is a key function of any marriage...I also know its not enough. This Mister is all they say but his private thoughts gives me pause.
He is a good man yes...but not by my definition.
Being Kind....accepting me as I am and loving me is all well and good. But actually what I'm looking for is a husband who is:
- Committed to growing in his relationship with Christ: im not saying write it boldly on ur forehead....or act holy holy....nah!!! Fall short sometimes no problem....dont be very strong yet no problem....but he needs to love God and be committed to growing in his relationship with God. Not the one that tells me he hasnt been to church in four weeks cos the stress in lagos na wa.
- He should be an individual of Obvious Integrity: ya....but not foolish. I dont want a husband who can be pushed around just becos he is humble. One who is being cheated by friends and family but wont see it cos he believes everyone is good and just. And when I point out the obvious I'm told ''jay calm down, he's my friend and we've come a long way...so if he wants to spoil our friendship by being dishonest then he will lose the friendship' (ya...and a couple of millions too...SMH)
-Someone who can lead boldly, think for theirselves and make sound decision: This is the part were I say I dont trust him. I cant trust a man/woman who makes decisions based on sentiments...who make assumptions based on perceptions. Who wouldnt bother drawing up a contract agreement cos he 'trusts' the verbal argreement he has with his patner. I cannot always be on edge...I cannot marry and always be checking and re-checking decisions made for us by my husband. I need to be able to lean back and know that at least 60% of the time my husband would make sound decisions even if I'm not there.
It may sound minor...but to me its not. Love is important to me...but its not enough. For my sake...from were I'm coming from, from where I'm going to....Love alone with kindness and respect is not enough.
For example if I tell a man who loves me that I may be facing major sugery soon (hip replacement) except God heals me... the next thing...the immediate next thing I want to hear is 'for real?' or ''Is it that bad?'' or ''No....no way Jay, we serve a God...the Balm of Gilead is still alive'' or another response could be ''I hear its expensive...how will you manage that financially''
I expected to hear all that....not:
''ah han...if you go to America for the surgery will you come back to Nigeria? I dont want to lose you and you know I want to kick start marriage next year''
Me: huh???? (I no sure say I hear well)
Him: 'But anyways' he continued like he didnt see my surprised response 'it can be managed...lets do introduction and then you can go and bla bla bla''
I mean was that insecurity? Or was that his biological clock I heard ticking....or did he just panic? Or is there something involved in his haste for marriage that I dont know yet?
either ways....my friends are right. I am being choosy and I have many reasons to be.