Sunday, December 26, 2010

How Do I Handle This....

August 2010.

Nutty J: eh calm down...I can understand where she's coming from. Its a normal reaction
C.A : No Jay dont tell me you know she disrespected me by sending you that mail? Did she think of me? Why are Delta girls so aggressive?

'abeg abeg abeg....don't forget I'm a delta girl ooo no just insult me' I joked

'Thats the thing...I've never seen any one as mature as are different, I'm very sorry for this embarrassment, you are one friend I don't JOKE with...'

'E don do. abeg you guys shouldn't quarrel becos of me...pick her calls and just try and make her understand how u feel about this'

'For what? I'm not picking her calls ever again...thank God I haven't promised her commitment..thank God for exposing her bad character' he spoke my mind wondered back to our time together. I met him as a young bloke fresh out of NYSC and working with one of the big banks in Warri. He had three banks offering him a job at the time...I can attribute that to his 2'1 GP but I'd be lying if I said his charisma didn't have a lot to do with it. I was in my final year in school when we met in 2007...and we hit it off pretty fast. There was just something about C.A I found irresistible...we became like rice and stew almost immediately. Our relationship progressed steadily...well steadily until I discovered there wouldn't be any ever afters. Our genotypes are incompatible.

It broke my heart to leave him (this was 2008) my mum knew him and understood why we couldn't be together...but I think he was more broken. He never gave up on us...three years after he was still on my case. The above dialogue happened at my place when I spent my 2 weeks leave in Warri in August. I had visited him earlier that week at the office, took a pic of him...and captioned it 'Sugar Honey'. This I did without any evil intent...I knew he was seeing someone but I didnt bother asking if it was serious or not...I was just so happy to see him and glad we still had our easy friendship between us. So i dont know what triggered the nasty email his girlfriend sent me when she saw the pic...was she mad cos I captioned it 'Sugar Honey' or did her greviance stem up from the fact that I captioned it 'sugar honey' and TAGGED him on it...or maybe she just dey vex say I take picture of the guy...

'what do you mean by tagging my boyfriend sugar honey, you are a girl like me and you knw what that means...I know how best to take care of cases like you. Its not desperation o, its called protection. If you love yourself so much. I beg you lay off becos etc etc'

So when CA made all those declaration above...I was glad. I mean i hated her already and from the look of things, she didn't deserve to marry the man I loved just becos I cant marry him. I tried to reason with him on her behalf but it didn't really come from my heart...imma gonna find him a woman of substance, some decent girl who wont be embarrassing her husband anyhow, somebody with good home training...yep that's my plan...or rather that was the plan I had till...

December 2nd 2010

*ring! ring!!*

'hey wassup up... how u dey? I'm coming to Warri this Xmas ooo, hope u aren't traveling'

'for real...good *clears throat*'

'ki lo de? why are you sounding like...besides this one you called me very early so...'

'ya...I have something important to tell you'

'talk na...abi are you getting married?' I joked

' wa ooo, you just dragged it out of me...yes o...on the 18th of this month''

...I dont know how I said all the congratulations...and good luck, I even promised to be there. I was happy for him, I swear I was...I mean he has to marry na abi? But how come I just heard about this 18days to the D-Day. How come I feel so I not supposed to marry before him at least? And when I visited the wedding website (oh yeah they had one)...guess who the lucky girl is? Yes oooooo...the same girl that told me all those things...the same girl that he said he was thankful he hadn't committed to...hence he would break up with.

See I just dey vex....I didnt attend the wedding...I've been in warri for the holidays and I havent called to congratulate him...the one when dey pain me pass be say, a cheque I should have cashed since, I still haven't done so cos he works in the bank where I have to go cash it.

I mean you guys tell me, I'm not jealous I'm just very disappointed in him, didnt our friendship at least mean anything? Why he no tell me?? Why didnt we discuss do I continue the friendship knowing fully well I dislike the wife and she reciprocates this dislike with equal passion. How do I even forgive him for marrying and/or making marriage plans behind my back?

...and I really need to cash that cheque before new year. Dont know how to get to their other branch in town. :-(

Nutty J


  1. ok you loved each other but couldn't marry why? I don't think you should hold it against her for stressing you over the sugar honey tagged picture. You only do that if he's your man but he was her man so you can't really blame her. Move on honey - he is marrying someone else and unfortunately you're just his friend. You can choose to remain his friend or not just because he failed to tell you he patched things up with this girl but you should know that He was not the man for you. He's another woman's - give her the respect she deserves if you care about this guy at all.

  2. Since you guys can't marry, it is natural that he would move on. You should as well. He probably didn't tell you about the marriage because of the drama you had with the girl. And although I agree the message the girl sent you was childish, I understand a little why she did it (she probably felt that you were trying to encroach on what was hers and she wanted to nip it in the bud before it was too late). Just let it go. There is someone out there to whom you are more precious than gold. God Bless.

  3. It is perfectly human to feel the way you do. With time you'll come to understand a whole lot better why things happened the way they did. That is when you'll let things go.

    One step at a time is what I will say. It can only get better from now on. Happy New Year

  4. he dint tell you maybe because of the drama with the babe in the past.


    Yours would come to you

    meanwhile go and cash the cheque jare. sure he would be in honeymoon

  5. @ all: thank you for the comments...I guess I was thinking he deserved someone better than her...and that I could have helped in finding that someone better

    Doll: hahaha...dem no dey do honeymoon for Naija least not for more than one or two

    I'll cash the cheque sha...

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  7. Ok, am here and fully armed!

    Which wan vex you pass??

    Give me his/her names. address and just 10minutes with them!!

    Its sooo annoying when people make plans without telling close friends redefines the whole essence of close friends. And as for the bride, she sounds desperate already for even contacting you when she was merely dating the dude. Haba! Una no get contract na!

    Its difficult to let go of ex's and even ex toasters. Feelings are hard to contain! And if he sees you and notice that you are a bit down, he might conclude that you dont wish him naijas na!! What I do (after vexing and ranting lol) is to cut off all communication for a bit till I can deal with my reaction and accept the current status in a more matured fashion.

    So maybe just concentrate on your toasters and all others dying for you. For now, just go to the other branch jor! LNGKM

  8. Really get how you feel since I've been there like a couple of times..
    Babe, things men say and what they actually do are two very distinct and different things..
    You must always never forget that..
    Always believe it when they actually do it..
    Still I get the beef sha lol..
    Its okay for you to beef..
    If you need extra,I can lend you mine..
    I dey your back dear..
    Happy new year sweerie...

  9. It's ok to be jealous,it's ok to be mad,i mean u guys were in love but circumstances was what separated u.However,u really should try and let it go.Forget the fact that he didn't involve u in the wedding plans,trust me,it was all in ur own favour.Forget the fact that he's with someone u don't 'flow' with,he's made his choice and if u still wanna have him as ur friend,just support him.Goodluck!


Say it as you mean it... I can take it