My alarm went off by 5am and I snoozed it for one hour...I woke by 6am and shifted it further to 6.30am...finally getting my arse out of bed and dragging my self to the bathroom I finally realized what this feeling of laziness was all about. I was feeling empty.
I have a job and I'm thankful for it....but the nagging feeling of 'and then???' had been tugging at my heart/mind for months now. You wake up...join the traffic....get to work...actually work...stop in between to FB/Tweet/Blog...back to work...lunch...5:30pm...traffic and back home by 9pm...eat...sleep. Every day...and on fridays we go:
''Yaaay!! Thank God its friday''
Saturday we are probably too tired from the week to go anywhere, or maybe I'm just tired of going to the same places and repeating the same rituals...and on sunday we probably visit a friend or entertain guests... or switch off mobile and watch Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor scream 'You dont serve a dead God, you serve a living God...He is the same yesterday, He is the same today, what he did yesterday, he can do today, he can do tomorrow.....lift your hands and shout halleluya" or TD Jakes on inspiration FM
Every Week....every month...every year...2008...2009..2010...2011...and counting. Its cool you know, prancing around doing stuffs your peer group wish they were doing (ie working and earning a living) but the feeling of 'and then?' and then what? has not been answered in my own life oooo. And its making me cranky...
What else? And then what? I dont know if you understand what I'm saying... is life supposed to be a circle where we repeat the same mundane things day in and day out? I dont think so...I want to believe some of you are doing something that makes you feel accomplished and fulfilled that yes, you have added value (not only monetary value)...or have impacted some thing great at least in one persons life everyday.
So if you can help me out by giving me suggestions on how I can reach out and do something meaninful for myself and others that makes me look forward to waking up by 4am in the morning and setting out on my way....let me know. I've applied to some NGOs and I dont know if they are making yanga for me or if they just dont like the fact that I'm young. I mean i'm tired of talking about the boyfriends, the girlfriends, the sad things, the happy things, the gossip, the petty things, or reporting about the drama in Nigeria, or tweeting about your neighbour....its becoming empty. I feel like a waste (weist)
Ideas are welcome... I dont wanna die with the sad fact that I didnt do anything that any one can point to and say becos of Nutty J, so so and so happened in Nigeria, so so and so good thing came to Delta State...or 'dont you know her, go to google and look her up' (*grins*). Neither do I want to use marriage and children to fill that Vacuum. At first I thought I could fill the gap with having female friends but hmmm...no, that didnt werk. The feeling is still there.
A friend I shared this fear/longing with said 'relax...you a going through a phase, hopefully it would pass soon' but I dont think so. I know what I'm saying.
#help me with ideas and I will glady use my saturdays, sundays, nights, sick off, vacation and early hours to make Nigeria a better place (step by step)...
y'all dont make me slash my wrist oooo, I need ideas #NotJoking