What Can I do?? #HelpYaGurlDecide

My alarm went off by 5am and I snoozed it for one hour...I woke by 6am and shifted it further to 6.30am...finally getting my arse out of bed and dragging my self to the bathroom I finally realized what this feeling of laziness was all about. I was feeling empty.

I have a job and I'm thankful for it....but the nagging feeling of 'and then???' had been tugging at my heart/mind for months now. You wake up...join the traffic....get to work...actually work...stop in between to FB/Tweet/Blog...back to work...lunch...5:30pm...traffic and back home by 9pm...eat...sleep. Every day...and on fridays we go:

''Yaaay!! Thank God its friday''

Saturday we are probably too tired from the week to go anywhere, or maybe I'm just tired of going to the same places and repeating the same rituals...and on sunday we probably visit a friend or entertain guests... or switch off mobile and watch Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor scream 'You dont serve a dead God, you serve a living God...He is the same yesterday, He is the same today, what he did yesterday, he can do today, he can do tomorrow.....lift your hands and shout halleluya" or TD Jakes on inspiration FM

Every Week....every month...every year...2008...2009..2010...2011...and counting. Its cool you know, prancing around doing stuffs your peer group wish they were doing (ie working and earning a living) but the feeling of 'and then?' and then what? has not been answered in my own life oooo. And its making me cranky...

What else? And then what? I dont know if you understand what I'm saying... is life supposed to be a circle where we repeat the same mundane things day in and day out? I dont think so...I want to believe some of you are doing something that makes you feel accomplished and fulfilled that yes, you have added value (not only monetary value)...or have impacted some thing great at least in one persons life everyday.

So if you can help me out by giving me suggestions on how I can reach out and do something meaninful for myself and others that makes me look forward to waking up by 4am in the morning and setting out on my way....let me know. I've applied to some NGOs and I dont know if they are making yanga for me or if they just dont like the fact that I'm young. I mean i'm tired of talking about the boyfriends, the girlfriends, the sad things, the happy things, the gossip, the petty things, or reporting about the drama in Nigeria, or tweeting about your neighbour....its becoming empty. I feel like a waste (weist)

Ideas are welcome... I dont wanna die with the sad fact that I didnt do anything that any one can point to and say becos of Nutty J, so so and so happened in Nigeria, so so and so good thing came to Delta State...or 'dont you know her, go to google and look her up' (*grins*). Neither do I want to use marriage and children to fill that Vacuum. At first I thought I could fill the gap with having female friends but hmmm...no, that didnt werk. The feeling is still there.

A friend I shared this fear/longing with said 'relax...you a going through a phase, hopefully it would pass soon' but I dont think so. I know what I'm saying.

#help me with ideas and I will glady use my saturdays, sundays, nights, sick off, vacation and early hours to make Nigeria a better place (step by step)...

y'all dont make me slash my wrist oooo, I need ideas #NotJoking

Hey...look here...i'm still here

Men it feels like I've been away for ages... so many things to say but I dont feel comfortable blogging when I havent done blog rounds in ages... Its like I'm growing old, because I have the words in my head but my hands just refused to put it down.

Anyways my consolation is that I'm not the only one abandoning their blog these days...I mean where is 2cute4u and all her motivational posts.... Nice Anon with posts guaranteed to make you genuinely say 'LWKMD"... or Truth Don Die... one would think that with the amount of people on that blog we will be getting regular updates...SMH. As for leggy lemme not even go there...love can make anyone do strange things...and many more. I would have added Vanity to the list but she's one person with real problems...today she's here, tomorrow she's not (SMH)...even though I see she has updated last week.

Anyways since I'm part of the serious people up in here...I promise to be back with something worth reading as soon as I do my blog rounds to catch up on all I've missed.


Meanwhile did any of you go to the "Fela in Lagos' show??? If you didnt go, then you missed alot...I was there on Thursday last week and saw a Facebook friend there (story for another time)...as in if a Nigerian had played the role of Fela, trust me it wouldnt have been that energetic...the beats, the dance, 'Fela' shirtless sometimes, the beats...no be here oooo. E make sense die. Then not to talk of the female dancers...makes me wonder why I cannot rotate my waist like that (#lazymuch). Anyways if you didnt watch it live, its not too late...I'm sure Ibo guys would soon release CD.

AY Show is coming up on the 1st of May Expo centre...dont be a weist...buy your tickets at any TFC centre around your area. 5k only... By God's grace I will be there. Sometimes I think someone has placed a curse on me that makes it impossible to resist these shows....hmmmm.

I'll keep you posted.

#Take a minute to pray for the innocent people up North.

Not Thankful Joor

'I’m sorry I cannot grant you the Visa because I am not convinced as to why the Operation cannot be carried out in the parent country. From what I can see this ailment hasn’t interrupted/altered your life in any way and I think you should exhaust all options available in Nigeria first. I cannot guaranty that you will not be a nuisance in the United States’

That was April the 7th 2011, I left the embassy a bit deflated…I got to my hotel where my mum was waiting and narrated the whole thing to her…

‘it is well’ she replied ‘let’s thank God first then we will talk about what to do next’

The look on my face could freeze an Eskimo…I didn’t feel like thanking God, I felt God should have warned me not to proceed with the whole thing…as I got on my knees with her and said the required Amen when due, I couldn’t stop my mind as it roamed to various places

- $4,000 surgeons fee (excluding the hospital fee of $19,374 we were yet to pay)

- Visa Application fee

-Doctors reports i had to obtain by subjecting myself to various tests

- Humble pie I had to eat to get 3days off for the interview at the embassy in ABJ

- Flight fare to and fro

- Hotel fee of NGN50,000 for two nights

I didn’t feel like thanking God right now…He could have showed me a sign that would make me save my money…

My dad called and was like:

‘…Hope you are not feeling bad ooo’ he said ‘don’t mind these embassy people just be calm’

‘Daddy you know I’m always calm na…it’s not bothering me’ I lied

‘Okay…good good good…lemme speak to your mum’

I handed the phone over…he said something and she replied with:

‘No no no…she is fine you know she has very strong spirits’

And that’s the problem…why do they always feel my spirit is very strong. I come out strong don’t mean I don’t cry myself to sleep most nights…even if it’s tearless cries. I say I’m fine but then maybe I’m just a damn good liar…

I check my BB and see a face book msg alerting me that a friend was kicked out of a particular group we all belonged to. Normally it’s a time to send PMs and gossip and find trouble and question the Admins of the group…but I wasn’t up to it that day…I couldn’t find the grace. But then its FB we stand up for each other whether u are having a bad day or not…and that was what I did…put up a smile and enter into internet fight mode.

The next day before I checked out of the hotel my prayer was simple:

‘Dear Lord, I know I have to say thank you for everything, but I cannot find the grace to say thank you because I don’t feel thankful, and I know that is going against your word but I feel like devourers have eaten my money which shouldn’t happen because I pay my tithe…please give me the grace to get over this feeling'

That was Friday the 8th of April 2011

Today is Tuesday the 12th of April and I’m good again…

The young man who wrote the book of Psalm 23: 2: ‘He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.’

Was the same man who wrote Psalm 22: 1 ‘’ My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?

O my God, I cry in the day time, but thou hearest not; and in the night season, and am not silent’’

Moral Lesson: Being a child of God doesn’t mean the storm would not come…He didnt promise us that there would be no storms of life...or that we wouldn’t have 'feel bad' times. What he said is 'lo I am with you always'....so this makes me know, that no matter what may come my way, I will overcome, I will not sink...and somehow my lost money will come back to me ooooo....lol.

Hope everyone reading this is fine and keeping well?

Don’t forget to say Thank you Lord....even if you are not fine

I’ll keep you all posted.

N'J

Eating The Humble Pie

Mr. Hairy: …wait excuse me’ he said cutting me short ‘how many years have you been working’

Me: ‘Three years’ I replied wondering what the heck he was on about….

Mr. Hairy: ‘No wonder you don’t know how to talk, you use words anyhow, first of all you say you want me to sign your casual leave form? Who are you to say that…I’ve worked for 20 years…I’ve been the admin manager in a reputable telecoms company for 5yrs…if not for the fact that this office isn't properly structured I would have queried you for insubordination’’

Me:…I don’t understand…what should I have said na…it’s you that would sign it.

Mr. Hairy: come and force me to sign…listen pick your words carefully, I’m saying this for your own good. You should be requesting for approval. Which I wouldn’t give without you telling me why it’s so important for you to leave work for three days whereas….

Me: ‘I have to attend to some family issues like the note says’’ I chipped in calling him ‘aproko’ in my mind…he wants to poke nose into my affairs abi?

Mr. Hairy: ‘Don’t interrupt me when I’m speaking…take your letter and bring it back when you know how to present yourself properly….things would be done orderly in this office

I got up angrily, fuming..how dare him, I’ve been in this office since 2008, who is this uncircumcised philistine that won’t let God’s people go…after all I hardly am absent from work except genuinely sick. Who be this one when just resume work as supervisor last two months to yarn nonsense… someone we were still showing how the work is done around here? Lazy ass dude

‘Nutty I’m taking your yogurt ooo, hope you don’t mind’’ a colleague called out.

In fact I have a mind to go directly to the operations manager with this…my ulcer pain don dey rise for the matter. Who is this bloody dude that wants to turn our Oyibo office to Yoruba office when everything is ‘eh Sir, eh Ma’…jooh ooooo…what is bringing nonsense to the barracks?

Well that was Friday last week

Saturday came, every channel I turned to I heard about humility…flipping the channel became my new challenge during the weekend. I Decided to listen to radio and I hear Mike Okonkwo and his ‘There is power in the word of God’ talking about submitting to authority or something like that… lia lia..on monday I'm going over his head...I'd like to even tell them of all his incompetence and oppressive behaviour.

Sunday came I decided I would go to church…no need staying at home today listening to inspiration FM to hear T.D Jakes and Joel Osteen preach along that line too, prevention is better than cure…thankfully today was thanksgiving so there wont be long preaching in church…

Pastor : ‘No 3….Humility. The lord gives grace to the humble and resists the proud’.

I groaned, wara hell? What is everyone saying…I just needed someone to agree with me that the guy is a jerk…what have I done wrong? Sign something for me he wants me to grovel first? I should tell him the reason why I want to go? Saying ‘family issue’ isn't enough? I went home still vexing. Okay i wont go over his head...i will just tell him to shove it and I will take the three days off and tell them not to pay me for those days...what is his problem?

But after a while I thought about it….what will it profit me to remain on my high horse and then have God resist me? Yes he is a jerk…but he is my boss and on principle I should accommodate his excesses. Well I’ll be humble…Tuesday is still far…

INEC: The elections have been postponed till next Saturday…go to work on Monday oooo.

Damn!! I’ll have to swallow my pride sooner than I thought.

So with my tails tucked between my legs after lunch…seriously fighting the urge not to throw up, I said:

‘Mr. Hairy I’ve brought this again, to seek approval from you’’

Him: What did you say?

Me: I’ve brought this to seek approval from you ( trying hard not to grit my teeth)

Him: I asked you some questions on Friday, what have you come up with? He asked arrogantly

Me: I have no pending jobs that cannot be handled by my colleague in my absence or that cannot wait for me. The 2003-2004 backlogs, whilst being important isn't urgent. I’ve devised a means of getting them done on my return and they won’t be a problem.

Him: Now you are deciding what is urgent or not right? what is so urgent that you need to travel for?

Me: Mr. Hairy…it’s to attend to some family matter…I need to sort some things out

Him: 'Then leave it…when I’m ready I’ll take a look at it…' he said frowning

Me; Excuse me say…its Wednesday na…I have only tomorrow (Tuesday) left

Him: Will you force me to sign? I say leave it…

Me; Okay Sir…thank you Sir…

I felt like puking… humble pie has got my stomach turning since morning…I am still trying hard not to vomit…

….but then heaven is my goal. Maybe na so God want use take teach me humility.

I still feel sick in the stomach sha…

…bleh

Moral Lesson:

Your boss is your boss even if you know he is a royal pain in the arse. There isnt much you can do about it...especially in Nigeria.