How Do I Handle This....

August 2010.

Nutty J: eh calm down...I can understand where she's coming from. Its a normal reaction
C.A : No Jay dont tell me that...do you know she disrespected me by sending you that mail? Did she think of me? Why are Delta girls so aggressive?

'abeg abeg abeg....don't forget I'm a delta girl ooo no just insult me' I joked

'Thats the thing...I've never seen any one as mature as you...you are different, I'm very sorry for this embarrassment, you are one friend I don't JOKE with...'

'E don do. abeg you guys shouldn't quarrel becos of me...pick her calls and just try and make her understand how u feel about this'

'For what? I'm not picking her calls ever again...thank God I haven't promised her commitment..thank God for exposing her bad character'

...as he spoke my mind wondered back to our time together. I met him as a young bloke fresh out of NYSC and working with one of the big banks in Warri. He had three banks offering him a job at the time...I can attribute that to his 2'1 GP but I'd be lying if I said his charisma didn't have a lot to do with it. I was in my final year in school when we met in 2007...and we hit it off pretty fast. There was just something about C.A I found irresistible...we became like rice and stew almost immediately. Our relationship progressed steadily...well steadily until I discovered there wouldn't be any ever afters. Our genotypes are incompatible.

It broke my heart to leave him (this was 2008) my mum knew him and understood why we couldn't be together...but I think he was more broken. He never gave up on us...three years after he was still on my case. The above dialogue happened at my place when I spent my 2 weeks leave in Warri in August. I had visited him earlier that week at the office, took a pic of him...and captioned it 'Sugar Honey'. This I did without any evil intent...I knew he was seeing someone but I didnt bother asking if it was serious or not...I was just so happy to see him and glad we still had our easy friendship between us. So i dont know what triggered the nasty email his girlfriend sent me when she saw the pic...was she mad cos I captioned it 'Sugar Honey' or did her greviance stem up from the fact that I captioned it 'sugar honey' and TAGGED him on it...or maybe she just dey vex say I take picture of the guy...

'what do you mean by tagging my boyfriend sugar honey, you are a girl like me and you knw what that means...I know how best to take care of cases like you. Its not desperation o, its called protection. If you love yourself so much. I beg you lay off becos etc etc'

So when CA made all those declaration above...I was glad. I mean i hated her already and from the look of things, she didn't deserve to marry the man I loved just becos I cant marry him. I tried to reason with him on her behalf but it didn't really come from my heart...imma gonna find him a woman of substance, some decent girl who wont be embarrassing her husband anyhow, somebody with good home training...yep that's my plan...or rather that was the plan I had till...

December 2nd 2010

*ring! ring!!*

'hey wassup up... how u dey? I'm coming to Warri this Xmas ooo, hope u aren't traveling'

'for real...good good....eh *clears throat*'

'ki lo de? why are you sounding like...besides this one you called me very early so...'

'ya...I have something important to tell you'

'talk na...abi are you getting married?' I joked

'hmmm...na wa ooo, you just dragged it out of me...yes o...on the 18th of this month''

...I dont know how I said all the congratulations...and good luck, I even promised to be there. I was happy for him, I swear I was...I mean he has to marry na abi? But how come I just heard about this 18days to the D-Day. How come I feel so bad...am I not supposed to marry before him at least? And when I visited the wedding website (oh yeah they had one)...guess who the lucky girl is? Yes oooooo...the same girl that told me all those things...the same girl that he said he was thankful he hadn't committed to...hence he would break up with.

See I just dey vex....I didnt attend the wedding...I've been in warri for the holidays and I havent called to congratulate him...the one when dey pain me pass be say, a cheque I should have cashed since, I still haven't done so cos he works in the bank where I have to go cash it.
Disappointed

I mean you guys tell me, I'm not jealous I'm just very disappointed in him, didnt our friendship at least mean anything? Why he no tell me?? Why didnt we discuss this...how do I continue the friendship knowing fully well I dislike the wife and she reciprocates this dislike with equal passion. How do I even forgive him for marrying and/or making marriage plans behind my back?

...and I really need to cash that cheque before new year. Dont know how to get to their other branch in town. :-(


Nutty J

Re: Tell God

I was going through some of my favourite blogs when I came across Neefemi throwing punches at God.




She ended by saying:

- Dont Preach
- Dont Advise
- Dont Email
- Dont Comment
- Its Pointless

But she didnt say ''Dont criticize''

So i'm going to criticize... not about what she's questioning about God, or questioning God about...no, thats between her and God.

Instead I'm gonna use her as a point of contact to reach all those who put up blogs when they feel bad, then purposely dis-allow the option to comment. Making us (me) who read it to scan everywhere for the comment box to no avail. Making me feel useless when I want to throw a silent hug?

Imma gonna say it to all of you that I follow that do this sometimes, ITS NOT FAIR...you shouldnt decide which of your posts is 'fit' for us to comment on... good or bad or angry or sad we have the right, I have the right to comment...leave the comment box there...its now left for us to heed to ur plead of 'please dont comment, dont advise, dont email''

Ah han...for what na...as if we dont matter when your world is cold? Infact as if I, Nutty J, dont matter when you are feeling low?

Its not nice...kpatakpata block every post lets know you dont want feed back.

***************************************************

I had to talk about this...sorry y'all, a saner post is coming up soon...you can reach Neefemi on this site

If you dont know her yet, you are on a long thing.

Someone Must Be On Top

In one episode on Grey’s Anatomy, Izzie was saying to George that they both were followers or something like that, unlike Meredith and Yang who were do-ers. Meredith and Yang do things…they just don’t watch or follow, they lead others, they go forth…they do the things that Izzie watch and wished she could do. They make things happen.

So long as seed time and harvest time remains humans will always fall into these two categories, doers and followers….or should I say, doers and watchers.

We want to be the ones making things happen,everyone wants that... in high school we want to be that girl or boy that everyone wants to identify with, the one people notice when they dont show up for class, the one we feel grateful when he/she includes us in his/her circle of friends…the one whom we admire for their doings...and charm. The one whom the teachers cant do with and still cant do without.

In the office we want to be the one people listen to...the one whose vote is asked to break the tie. The one who they wait for before a concrete decision is made concerning staff welfare. the one everybody hates but cant help loving at the same time

My question is, what stops us? Why don’t we do…why do we sit and watch others do and get the recognition…where does our voice go when it needs to be heard. What are we searching for on the floor at the moment were eye contact is needed. How come we allow others do the talking while we do the echoing? How come the ugly girl gets the Tall Dark and Handsome guy while you get the average comfortable insecure guy…how come he goes home with the prom queen and you get the chick with self esteem issues?

The fear of failure, the fear of criticism and the fear of rejection can take the fall for this.

‘what if I’m wrong?’

‘what if I’m laughed at?’’

‘’what if it doesn’t make sense and I fail…it’s my life’s savings you know’

‘nah…I'd rather not over step my boundaries, let me maintain my level’

And so we sit and watch and see him/her go places and do things we assure ourselves that we would do one day…we see him/her start something we are only glad to follow in. And we say to ourselves ‘soon…very soon that would be me’

Well hello???? You better start looking at your time…Soon is now!!! Now!! I’m not saying take careless risks, nope…start with what is around you…get up and start a conversation in your office, be the one to think up an idea for the end of year office party…pick up your phone and get in touch with all your old buddies, BE THE ONE to host the next alumni get together, write an article for the church bulletin, join the drama or dance group…walk up to a stranger and compliment his/her style of dressing…start up a conversation with that man or woman you admire from afar. (Shame on meI couldnt do that with one McDreamy in the gym last night).

Rejection or criticism or failure happens only to the best people…so join the best, get your own dose of rejection/criticism/failure because without all these once in a while in your live, you are nothing but ‘just there’…these are the ingredients that actually prepare you and teaches you how to pass the tests on the road to being an achiever.

We all have dreams of 'someday'...today is that someday...you are not getting any younger

The man whose dreams come true is the one who wakes up from those dreams…and starts acting.

Someone must be on top....why not you?

Quote of the day: It isn't sufficient just to want - you've got to ask yourself what you are going to do to get the things you want.

Franklin D. Roosevelt