- Think about it carefully: This does not mean sitting down and weighing the pros and cons of the relationship, it doesn't matter if its been more than a year, or two or three... what matters is that you think carefully about it...by this I mean, think out loud. Irrespective of who is there. In your office, in church, in family meetings say things like '...but watin I talk bad? if I tell Nutty not to go out does she have the right to say no?' This technique is adopted to make sure your circle of influence, friends and family feel your pain and give you advise. Worry not about if their own relationship is good or not, do not worry if most of them are separated as well. For the fact that they are friends, family or colleagues, what ever they say is important and 90% of the time, correct.
- Apply these advice: So you have been told that this and that are not allowed in a relationship, especially one that you want to lead into marriage. Now is the time for you to begin enforcing these things. rule a line...make a list of dos and donts and make sure you make him/her save it mentally, at every turn where he/she deviates from your laid down rules and regulations, be sure to point it out and let them know that they have messed up and remind them that such behavior would ruin your plans of taking this relationship a step further...remember a stitch in time saves nine.
- Become a Monitor: Don't ever underestimate the effectiveness of monitoring your spouse. You love him/her and they love you in return and that is enough. Now you don't want another person laying eyes on your partner, not to talk about going a step further to say 'hi'. Those people are out for nothing but to defile your partner. Now what do you do? This is a bit tricky and you have to be smart...like you have been. Don't say anything directly about this, but try as much as possible not to be anywhere he/she isn't, especially on the weekends and on public holidays. if you can't accomplish this because of ill health or hustle or unexpected travel...call him/her as often as you can and never forget to ask 'where are you'... There is a reason why there are somethings called 'monitoring spirits'. If he/she gives you an unsatisfactory answer or they happen to be somewhere unusual, then make up your mind that they are cheating or about to cheat. Full Stop. Such behavior must be addressed promptly and in clear terms and the more disgust you have in your voice when addressing this nonsense the quicker he/she understands why its wrong to be anywhere out of the norm without you. In fact you are right, he/she is wrong.
- Emotional Blackmail: according to wikipedia, is a form of psychological manipulation - it is "the use of a system of threats and punishment on a person by someone close to them in an attempt to control their behavior".[1] "Emotional blackmail... typically involves two people who have established a close personal or intimate relationship (mother and daughter, husband and wife, sister and sister, two close friends)."[2] When subjected to emotional blackmail, "we become the other's emotional hostage". As Jean Baudrillard puts it: "If you don't give me that, you will be responsible for my breakdown"
- Feedback: For every organization to be successful, feedback is needed...from top to bottom and bottom to top. Internal feedback and external feedback. Adopt this in your relationship. Calling home is a key factor in making your relationship work. This must be done when you need your partner to sit up... are they out of line, call his/her parents. Have they suddenly become defiant? call home. Feedback is key.
Now there are many more key points I would like to drop here, but I'm a bit distracted right now with work, annoyance and some stuffs... but theses are the five basic steps you need in having a wonderful relationship. Take my advise... I am good at these things.
Happy End of Month.
Nutty Jay
