Thursday, November 24, 2011

Single Ladies Matter


On the facebook platform I've been termed names ranging from 'Feminist' to 'Man-hater' to 'Lesbian' and some of these people have it in their head that I do not want to get married. Their reasons range from the fact that the notes I publish there and sometimes status updates I post are men bashing and not 'feminine' enough. I have been advised countless times that if I want to get married I should stop talking about things that might annoy men and don't make any controversial comments.

What they say make perfect sense... but not to me. I don't know how many of you out there are still in the market...as in single...no boyfriend no husband...just living your life happily single. Have you heard the kind of  scoping/toasting/razzling going on now? In the good old dayz, before a man approaches you he would say a word of prayer to his God or god and ask that his mission is made successful... that she doesn't turn him down or embarrass him... he approaches her with a confident smile and says his piece but you as the girl gazing into his eyes cannot miss that hint of uncertainty that melts your heart and makes you agree or put him down gently so that he at least leaves with his pride. And if you do agree to go on a first date with him, to God be the glory that is one of his happiest days, he comes to pick you up or meet you there bearing gifts and acting all gentle manly... he walks by your side like you are the most adorable and precious thing that has happened to him since he entered puberty. 

Welcome to 2011... the jet age...now there is no respect. A man talks to you for the very first time...no, not over the phone, because he doesn't have your number yet... but on face book... you both are chatting and he says:
 'I've been noticing you on the group and I like your drive, you really are a proper Delta girl' and you both get talking... and since you cant always be on facebook chatting, you give him your BB pin when he requests so the flow can continue. Then two days into BB chatting he goes:
 'I haven't said anything yet but you seem like the kind of girl I need in my life'.... then he drops the word marriage and love and expects that you jump up and down with glee at that and automatically like him regardless of the fact that you don't know him well, then two days after that he is talking on how he will like to work on some aspect of your character and he will like you to work on him too '... thats if you are going to be my wife'  What??? Nigga what? Is that a way of telling me to sit up? Proposing marriage like you are doing me a favour? What happened to trying your damnest to make her reciprocate what you claim you 'feel' for her??? You haven't even been on a date you are already planning on how to correct some perceived character flaws... now adays when the man calls the girl he expects her to be joyful because after all they've been chatting on BB.... oh the lies of Blackberry and Facebook and the internet.

And how do Nigerian girls respond to this:

'Ah men this guy is serious'

'oh... he is talking marriage from the get go so it means he doesnt want to play with me'

'ah he is taking me serious'

So they 'sit' up and convince themselves that he is just that way... he loves you but he isn't into all these mushy mushy way of expressing it.... He tells them:

 'So if I dont call you for four days you cant check on your baby boy?' and she apologises and promises to do better. You guys go on a date and he allows you pay the bill and you convince yourself its because he likes independent women... and the day you see his hands down the front of another lady's shirt, you shrug it off and say 'its me he wants to marry..its me he comes home to'

So I've come to the conclusion that women have thrown their self worth to the bush for the dogs to eat and they are left feeling like they deserve the crumbs because in their head, no body gets the bread any more... the crumbs is all we get and deserve. So they fight for it and hustle to keep it. Rubbish!

These are things I talk about and cant help commenting on when I see or hear them and they say 'e be like say you no wan marry'

SO please... those that are in successful relationships, married or otherwise.... is this how it was when you got your good man?? Tell us let us know....make we learn

But in the meantime let me say this to the ladies reading this.... you are good the way you are... you matter... your life has value. please don't stoop to the lowest level because you are afraid that is all you deserve. You deserve much more.... don't settle for less than you are worth

Till Next Time


Nutty J.



50 comments:

  1. You know, i've always wondered how some girls can fall for stuff like this. Amazing sha

    Adiya
    Muse Origins FB

    ReplyDelete
  2. spot on... the 'liver chopping' has caused running mouth.
    as for girls, we really do need to start seeing ourselves as the special people we are, or else, loads of insecure guys are there ready to run us down.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank u. God bless u. Tell them let them hear.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Good talk. Indeed, women should go back to the days of scrutinizing men very well before they accept. There are many wolves in sheep clothing out there today (I can say that loud and clear even as a man).

    Although, its not the scrutiny that helps shape or determine whether the man would be good. I think alot needs to be done on her knees; praying and asking God that the right person comes her way and not a mere hooligan portraying to be a child of light.

    - LDP

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ladies na so I see am too oooo. Cant imagine the level of moral decadence in the society this days.

    LDP: You are right...only by the direction of God can we choose our partners right. May God help us...

    ReplyDelete
  6. lol...

    Where do you meet these guys? Marriage talk after 2 days' gist?? They should come take tutorials...

    ReplyDelete
  7. You've said it all and there is nothing else to add. For me my BB pin is for the closest people in my life. If you are interested in me then call me on the phone. Use your credit, I no dey for cheapskate love.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yes some of us have accepted the crumbs mentality. But I am grateful to God for a hot slap and beat down courtesy of the Holy Spirit. Me, the girl who had a wonderful and loving father. A man that taught me how a man should treat me. Decided to go with the crumbs mentality. Afterall, men are scarce. Even, I knew the man was no good. I am a stupid softy and breaking hearts is not my strong suit. I was happy when I summoned the courage to break up with this dude based on some stuff that came to light (stuff that I suspected o). I no try at all.

    I went back into my chambers (lol), gave myself and spirit a stern talking to(sometimes, it is necessary). I experienced a different love when I least expected it. Sometimes, I would try and revert to the crumbs mentality and he would ask me why I would allow myself to be treated that way. In my mind I was thinking, it is only a marra of time before you uncover your own madness. And if you are so good, you are probably wooing everyone and their grand mother. This is what settling for crap does to you, it makes you paranoid and influences your relationships afterwards. This man for some reason, saw through my own madness and resolved to treat me in the best possible way. It was his way of showing that crumbs are not the way to go.

    It took more beating from the Holy Spirit to realize that "hey, you deserve to be treated well and infact there are people that will gladly do it".

    I am preparing to marry a man that shows me everyday that keeping a good man does not require what I was used to. I know I am a good catch (you gorra believe these things for yasef or no one else will), I ran into people that ha that old school thing but this one is different. It was so easy to love this one that I would try and find loopholes. I found peace with this one, something that was not present with past relationships.

    No Bisi, Nneka and Hauwa to fight with about this being my man. No staying up late into the night worrying if him missing my call means he is with someone else(imagine what I have put myself through in the past). It is nice to see a man look at you as if you are the best thing that has happened to him since sliced bread. It is nice to have peace in a relationship, it is nice to give love to someone and know without a doubt that the person loves you and cherishes you too much to play with you. It is nice to have peace about your SO. I mentioned peace twice because without it, your marriage/relationship will crumble and crumble fast.

    So to cut the long story short, Nutty. There is a need for women to get a reorientation on what a good man looks like. Marriages and relationships take work but not the kind of work some of us are doing these days. We are doing the work that men are supposed to do and it should not be so. Let men be men o. Give a man a chance to be a man and you will see the worth of his person. Not to say that all men that act old schoolish have good intentions but it is a good place to start assessing his worth.

    Sorry for the dissertation.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Kay9: No dey do like say you no know watin your fellow men dey up to...:p....nice seeing you around here and around blogsville sef, u are scarce


    Mamuje: Its true ooo... this BB thing is giving birth to cheap article love now adays...

    Annonymous: You said it well... and its like LDP said, its only God and the help of the Holy spirit that one can be 100% sure of not falling into the wrong hands....I am so happy for you because God has worked a beautiful thing in your life... your happiness even flows from the comment you made and i'm happy you have opened our eyes to the fact that anyone in the name of love can be a victim of the crumbs mentality but by the grace of God. Thanks for sharing...the God that has given you your mister right will give me my own too.... hugs and kisses

    ReplyDelete
  10. Everygirl should write out that last paragraph and read it everyday or each time her spirit is falling. Too true...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Say it Sistas. Between your post and Anonymous entry from the heart (awesome testimony) I can't add anything. In fact, thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank you MYNE...it should be our personal anthem

    Thank you GINGER

    ReplyDelete
  13. Very nice article.

    ps yea kourtney is pregnant again.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Men... I dont know if I'm disappointed in her or just bewildered. What does she see in the guy??? Its been one week one trouble

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nne I am tired of all the nonsense men we have in this world nowadays oh. and how laides, God help them. This desperation to get married is getting out of hand.

    ReplyDelete
  16. You know what? I love you...in a non-creepy-lesbian way tho(cos i am very straight)#nohomo

    You have nailed it. No need hanging onto someone who makes u feel they are doing you a favour biko

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