Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Enough?


Ha...can't believe I havent said anything here in a while. I've been swamped with alot of projects and all I just want to do when I come to blogsville is read other blogs and get me mind off things.

Anyways I've been pondering on how we spend all our time chasing things. One degree or the other, one job and then wanting a better one...fulfilling one ambition that paves way for a new need.

Yesterday i was drenched in rain going to write one exam which made me miss going to work for that day and during the exam when I was confronted with some questions I had no answer for like 'When was Ebonyi state formed" and another 'Who was responsible for the X, Y theory' I wondered when it will be enough. When will the hustling for something 'better' end. How do we know if what we have already isn't the 'better' we are looking for. Are we trying to prove something? Are we just greedy by nature...or is it natural to always want more.


When would it be enough? Would enough ever be good enough. I cant help wondering.



N'J

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Expiry Dates

The look on his face was what caught my attention, you could see pain being masked with bravado, a smile that didn’t pass his lips but it was the uncertainty in his gaze that made me start thinking of expiry dates…he was the fifth person this year that was fired from my company. And today was his first day back in the office from a one week leave he took. When I hugged him goodbye, I once again wished I could cry. I looked at his face when the security escorted him out of the building and it struck me that he wasn’t prepared for this day…he never saw it coming.


Everything ends…there is an expiry date for everything. From the sardines in their tin, to the milk in its packet, to relationships, to marriages, to everything. Some we make expire by ourselves…you know like when you leave a pot of soup on the gas cooker over night forgetting to put it in the freezer, or without warming it, it will expire b4 daybreak…take your partner for granted for so long and your relationship expires before you know it, lounge on the job or indulge in fraud, and your job just might expire before you know what hit you, etc…but these are bearable in the sense that you know it was your fault and you can’t blame any other person except your silly arse.


But what happens when it’s not your fault? Like it was because someone dipped their hands into the soup you warmed making it sour the next morning, or s/he stopped loving you for reasons you can’t fathom, or your company just don’t like your face anymore/are downsizing? How do you prepare for this expiry date you had no clue was coming.


I don’t know… I just thought about it and I have no frigging idea…do I beg for my job because I know without it, it may be difficult to continue with d lifestyle the Job affords me to have, do I try to reason with my boss, do I just yell and say ‘fuck you’ or do I smile and nod and take it in stride because I know I have something to fall back on? I don’t know. Or in the case of a relationship, do I just walk away? Or do I break his head first for letting something so good go…or do I beg and try to make him see reasons?


What do you do when the one thing that makes you seem relevant/competent or makes you hold your head up high, that brings you joy/peace/whatever, expires??? How prepared are you for the expiry date. Because everything does expire…sometimes death expires things/people we love. So how prepared are we for these expiry dates? Should we just live like that day will never come? Or do we prepare towards that day…it could be financially, it could be emotionally or physically (if u want to break his head), should we prepare spiritually or how nah?


Because that day always comes whether we like it or not, whether we prepare for it or not, still it always catches us unawares… so when will we be able to welcome expiry dates and shrug it off whe it comes like we do the expired sardines we have to throw away without looking back. Will we ever be able to believe that sometimes these things expire for our own good…and that eating them/struggling with them/not letting them go will only give us running stomach physically/emotionally/spiritually.


At the end of the day sef, I no even understand watin I de talk again…if u can understand this…then you rock. Somewhere in between the write up…I too can safely say ‘’ eh nutty you lost me somewhere there’’


Happy New Week

N'J